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 It's just something Congress or the Durham Class lights camera action hello online people lovely lovely to have you with us in the room. She'll look lovely being some friends I haven't seen it a year or two new friends

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 I would love to know what you saw

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 Market, Heather another effort to let Judy Colleen Leslie Jen Kim, Judith. Who is most welcome everybody welcome welcome lovely lovely you can join us and that thank you as ever Neil for making this possible and setting up

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 hauling it all as equipment so that we can do together in the virtual space as well as the IRL space the young people tell me which means in real life super sad my opinion told me that afternoon to distinguish real life but that's very Darma since Darma is about what is actually real life and that's what I'll be talking about tonight but we will begin as is traditional

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 With um what's called setting an aspiration if this is somewhat new to you you can think of it like

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 If you're going to go on a driving trip and you know your destination you want to set an aspiration of where you want to end up so we've got this psycho discolite

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 I'm going to go on a trip it's extremely helpful let's be like to set your destination and if you think of a goal in life maybe you want to strengthen your upper body maybe you want to

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 look for a place to live that will be really lovely for you and your family. We set

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 an aspiration, a goal, an intention and how often do we do this with our minds, right?

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 It depends. Some of you may do this. You may have affirmations you do in the

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 morning or something but I would put forward that a lot of us are pretty sloppy

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 with our minds. We don't know we're being sloppy with them. And so when

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 good enjoyment and the teachings of Buddhism and meditation in this tradition, we

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 always want to start with an aspiration which is what is our biggest goal? Now if

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 the biggest goal is, and this will be reflected someone tonight's talk, if the

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 biggest goal is I want to feel happy and content, that's a pretty reasonable goal.

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 It's not foolish. It would be foolish if you ask Rachel, I want to feel

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 miserable and anxious, right? That doesn't make a great deal of sense. However,

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 as you'll hear tonight, desiring to feel content and happy is a good relative

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 goal but it's not going to take you as far as you think. So what we do in

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 Buddha Dharma is we set an aspiration to be free of all suffering. That's bigger.

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 That's better. And we don't just set the aspiration for me, me, me. Think in your

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 regular life if good fortune be false. I was driving the other day and I saw a

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 sign that the lottery a couple of weeks goes like $80 million. Since really dumb

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 to me give away $81 million prizes. That's just me. If we want $80 million, I'm

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 going to guess that all of us here and all of us there would give some of it

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 right. If you have that level of good fortune, you'd probably give it to

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 friends, to families, to help friends in need, maybe to charity, maybe to save the

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 elephants. I'm not being facetious, etc. If you have that,

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 much wealth and abundance and power in the form of currency. Most of us would share it. So if we

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 found the secret but not secret key to a happier, more wholesome existence, a kinder, more compassionate

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 life, we would want to share it. And the very least we want to share it with our close friends and

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 loved ones, right? I mean, everybody here wants to close friends and loved ones to be happier and

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 more content and more at ease. But the big, big aspiration we said in Bruta Donut is we as

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 fired to be completely free from suffering for all beings is the term, for every button. And that

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 gets a little tricky because it means the people you love and care about, the people you don't

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 know in our neutral toward, but it also means people that you have very strong feelings of dislike for.

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 It's a pretty big ask, sort of speak in the vernacular, right? Pretty big ask to say,

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 may we be free of suffering, not just for ourselves, not just for these lovely friends and

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 strangers in the room and online, not just for our family, friends and community, but for all

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 beings, human, insect, slithery things, elephants, dogs and cats and so on. That's a little bit of

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 teaching, if setting an aspiration to be unfamiliar to some, that's what we're about to do. It's not

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 nearly as mysterious as I may be made at some. So let's do it. We aspire to awaken fully and complete

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ly beyond suffering for the benefit of all beings. Maybe it's a little sideways example, who me,

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 but I had a TV on today, which I don't know, and I was watching some of the Olympics,

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 I was watching the Canadian women hockey games. And then I suffered because I had a preference.

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 I liked my team, anything, just like the other team, but I very much did not want them to win a

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 gold medal, spoiler alert, sorry if you have a team.

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 And isn't that interesting, right?

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 Particularly maybe for some of us in this particular political climate,

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 we may feel a little more like Christ that team, which is not very dark.

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 And we probably don't feel it at the incredible women athletes on the USA hockey team.

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 Nothing against any of them.

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 I did not want their team to do it.

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 That's not aspiring to awaken for the benefit of all beings.

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 That's aspiring to awaken for the Canadian hockey team and to hike with the other one.

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 And it's a whimsical example to some degree.

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 But look how polarized we felt.

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 In that last two minutes, if you didn't watch the game,

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 it was one to nothing for Canada until the last two minutes of the third period.

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 And then US scored it and it went to sudden depth over time.

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 It sounded like I know a lot about hockey right now. I'm so proud. I totally don't know a lot.

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 So it was like happy happy happy happy happy happy.

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 It's equal and then now it's sudden depth over time.

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 It's not just a whole period of over time, whoever scores first wins the gold medal.

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 That's a nailbiter.

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 It was so funny watching the mine state.

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 It was so funny watching the emotions.

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 The emotions of mine state were like, "This is just too much. I can't watch."

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 And I'm like, "It's nothing. It's nothing with all due respect to the power of sports and the arts of which I love arts more than the sports."

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 It's a bunch of people skating around chasing after a black thing.

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 It's moronic. It has no intrinsic value.

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 It doesn't make the world a better place arguably. It makes us more polarized than the other team.

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 And yet my emotions were being affected, right?

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 And it was fun to watch the mine.

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 And to watch the mine from a Buddha Dharma point, you're clinging.

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 I wanted my team.

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 Ooh, there's the self.

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 So we've got clinging. I want my team to win.

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 this article.

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 a arbitrary thing that in a couple days won't matter anymore.

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 So there you go, hockey dharma.

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 That's the first.

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 That's the first nail.

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 I don't believe I've ever used hockey.

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 It's an analogy.

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 So what we're going to do is we're going to meditate together.

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 Most often in these classes,

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 we meditate for 20 or 30 minutes at the beginning of the time.

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 And then I will share a talk.

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 I've woven a couple of the ideas and already.

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 I'll pick them up and attempt to create a tapestry.

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 We'll see what happens.

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 No promises.

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 No money that guaranteed.

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 So some of you here, and some of you are online,

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 we're at a retreat just a few weeks ago

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 with Lama Mark Webber.

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 Several of you here, and several of you online.

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 And those of you that were there, it's fine if you were not.

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 We're really looking at insight meditation.

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 And so I'm going to guide some insight meditation.

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 Now will be very familiar to many of you.

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 It will seem very-- how's it sound?

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 Do you want me to put the thing on my look, though?

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 I think it's good if everybody has said it.

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 OK, great.

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 Oh, I want to teach for about four hours right now on meditation.

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 But if you're interested in that, next weekend, next Sunday,

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 March 1st, we're doing here an all-day meditation retreat

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 from 10 till 6, and we'll be doing a lot of sitting

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 and walking meditation.

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 And I'll do a lot of teaching.

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 Today's like, I guess, a little preview

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 of coming attraction.

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 So if it works out for you to attend that, please come.

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 It will be a very nominal cost supply of $25

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 just to cover the rental of the hall.

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 And you can bring your lunch and we'll have tea.

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 And we'll have a lunch break.

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 And we will dive more deeply into the meditation instructions.

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 I'm going to very briefly cover this evening.

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 Those of you online, if you desire to attend

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 [BLANK_AUDIO]

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 the all day March for Sunday meditation retreat and you'd like to do so online. We're open to streaming in online. If we have a few people that are interested, please

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 you can let Neil know tonight in the chat box. If that's of interest to you and then shoot him an email. If we've got two or three or four of you that would like to attend virtually,

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 the wonderful fabulous Neil has says he's happy to bring his equipment and we'll stream it for you.

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 So this is going to be a very short introduction to anyone to whom this is less familiar and a bit of a reminder to those of you that have some established meditation practice.

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 When one thinks of Anakana Sati, which means mindfulness of breath meditation, this is very common in Bhudagarma meditation in other spiritual traditions meditation and in secular meditation, right?

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 meditation on breath as a stress reduction technique meditation on breath to help with concentration that's terrific.

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 But what I'm going to introduce some of you to tonight and remind others about tonight is that meditation on breath is the activity. It is done in different ways that lead to different outcomes that lead to different developments of different aspects of

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 mind. So to simplify, I'll go into this more in the retreat and in future retreats. I'm going to split it tonight. This is traditional from the words of the Buddha. It's not something I made up into samata or calming and concentration meditation, calming and concentration meditation and insight meditation, both are practiced in an extremely similar way, which is paying attention to the sensation of the

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 breath. That's all I'm going to say right now.

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 I'll develop it a little bit in the talk later this evening, but for the practice itself I'm going to give the fundamental instructions for anyone who needs a refresher or for whom they're new.

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 We're going to practice meditating on the sensation of breath. Those of you that want to move into your meditation right now, please do so just let the instructions rise and fall.

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 So we want to begin with maybe adjusting your posture a little bit so that you are comfortable but alert and as you see I've done it, but my feet on the floor.

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 It's best not to do this because you're hit or tilted and your spine off kilter and your next off kilter and get pretty uncomfortable and also that doesn't help the breath flow very well.

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 So you want a more open posture on the floor cross legged on a chair more or less at right angles or more or less a 90 degree angle here between the in hips and a straight but not rigid back.

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 There are modifications that might work for if you want to cross your ankles of having your knees a little more open relaxes hips that's great.

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 Don't worry too much about it. We're going to it more another time and you want your belly to be able to fall open. What does that mean to fall open?

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 We tend just in our ways we hold our bodies almost all of us, we tend to plant our belly in without realizing it. So right now I want you to experience that see if you can kind of let your belly go.

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 When I do that, when any of us do that, male or female, you'll end up looking about five months pregnant. They'll be around this to the belly even if you're very very thin and have no extra body pipe, you're like 14% body fat. When you let your belly muscles go, they'll be more of a pot.

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 Now many of us don't think that's very attractive. That's just a weird story. There's all sorts of evidence teaching right from the good is time that when we let the belly relax,

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 actually helps the mind settle a little bit.

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 Meditation is kind of difficult for most of us.

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 So if letting the belly relax might help a little bit,

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 I suggest we take the boot is instruction on that.

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 Don't worry about it too much.

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 And then I'm going to invite you.

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 If you're newer of the meditation

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 or you're the mind's feeling pretty distracted

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 and pretty busy, pretty chatty tonight,

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 take a larger object, so take your belly itself.

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 If you're kind of in between, take the diet

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 from the heart center.

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 And if you feel that you can sharpen your concentration

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 quite well this evening, or you're willing to explore

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 that takes the tips of the nostrils as your focal point.

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 If you've been meditating up breath for a while,

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 I suggest you work with the nostrils

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 unless the mind's really sluggish and dull

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 are really, really excitable then maybe use belly.

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 Don't worry too much about it.

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 If you're not sure where to focus,

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 just focus on the belly.

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 And here's what you'll be focusing on.

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 You're going to allow the body to breathe

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 in its own natural rhythm,

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 meaning you're not going to try to breathe

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 deeply or slow or change anything.

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 Just allow the body to breathe

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 and knows what to do without you or we'd all be dead.

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 And your task is to bring your attention

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 and really attempt to focus your attention

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 on the sensation of breath.

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 So if I'm working with the belly,

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 simply allow the body to be breathing,

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 noticing on the inhale,

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 you may or may not notice a little bit of expansion

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 in the belly, little bit of movement,

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 a little bit like a balloon filling up.

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 You may or may not notice that's fine.

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 And on the exhale, you may or may not notice

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 a bit of a collapsing of the belly,

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 like a little bit of the air went out of the balloon.

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 Please note, if you can't discern any sensation,

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 you're not doing it wrong.

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 The practice is in observing to see what there is

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 in this one breath, not to make sure I find sensation.

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 That's the instruction.

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 Train your attention on the belly of the heart center or the nostrils.

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 If we're doing nostrils on the inhale, we may or may not with any given breath.

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 We may or may not notice a slight bit of air movement, perhaps at the nostrils or upper lip.

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 We may or may not notice a little bit of a temperature, so a little bit cool in the roots what's

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 possible on the inhale. You might feel a slight waft of cool. You might not notice anything,

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 no problem. Let me repeat. The act of meditating here is in placing the attention

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 on the belly chest or nostrils and observing whether or not sensations experienced in this

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 particular inhale or this particular exhale. That's the practice for now as I'm laying it out.

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 Now, there's a heck of a good chance that for all of us at some point or maybe every couple of

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 seconds our mind will get distracted by a sound, by a physical sensation, maybe a sore knee,

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 grabs your attention or your feet feel a little cold on the floor through your socks and you

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 notice it. Do you notice it? Something notices it. And that means that the attention is no longer

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 on the nostrils chest or belly. It's distracted. It's off topic. Noticing the sore knee or

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 noticing a sound or a car door slamming or you're tummy rumbling or so it can be any physical

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 sensation, visual, hearing, taste, touch, sound, smell, but it can also be the mind sense. That's

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 for most of us the pesky or destruction. When I, you allegedly us say, okay, concentrating on the

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 inhale or the nose. And exhale. And inhale. And then thoughts may intrude. It feels like they intrude.

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 It doesn't feel like you've got a shovel and wet and dug them up. Does it?

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 It feels like they just kind of show up, that's odd.

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 And the thought might be about lunch tomorrow.

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 Or the thought might be about, hey, this is cool.

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 I'm noticing my breath.

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 Where the thought might be about.

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 I wonder if I should check my dating app that I get home.

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 Whatever.

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 Also to random stuff, most of it nonsense.

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 Some of it may be important.

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 But it's not important right now.

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 Because right now, we're undergoing an experiment.

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 A training to see whether we can focus on just one breath.

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 Whether we can experientially observe any sensation or not with just one breath.

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 That's the task.

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 It's very simple.

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 A small child could understand these instructions.

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 Pay attention to any movement or feeling or sensation at your nose for one breath.

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 So why isn't it easier?

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 That's the billion dollar question.

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 Maybe it's the $80 million question.

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 Now let all that go.

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 And for something like 20 minutes, give or take.

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 We will practice attending and concentrating as best for able on one single breath.

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 Make sure you've chosen nostrils, heart center or belly.

00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:28.000
 I'm going to ask you to stay with whichever one you chose.

00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:30.000
 Rather than flip around.

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:31.000
 That's just a distraction.

00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:33.000
 Oh, maybe I'll go to nose now.

00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:34.000
 It will be more interesting.

00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:35.000
 We all do it.

00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:43.000
 But I'm inviting you to explore staying with one for this short meditation period.

00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:46.000
 You can practice eyes open if you wish.

00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:49.000
 Likely for this evening, for most of you, eyes closed.

00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:56.000
 We'll be a little more helpful because it eliminates most of the visual distraction.

00:19:56.000 --> 00:20:00.000
 Then at least you just with four other physical senses in the mind.

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.000
 and two feet is drafting.

00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:40.000
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00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:35.000
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00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:12.660
 Notice if the mind is daydreaming right when I spoke, it maybe may not be.

00:29:12.660 --> 00:29:19.120
 But if there's thinking going on, do your best to refocus on a single breath.

00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:24.480
 And don't try to shove the thoughts away, that doesn't really work anyway.

00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:28.660
 But more let them just drift in the background if possible.

00:29:28.660 --> 00:29:32.980
 And in the foreground, you're tightening the concentration.

00:29:32.980 --> 00:29:38.320
 You're tightening the focus on the sensation of breath at the nostrils chest or

00:29:38.320 --> 00:29:38.720
 value.

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00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:40.000
 [wind, wind, wind, wind, wind]

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:50.000
 [wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, wind]

00:38:50.000 --> 00:39:00.000
 [wind, wind, wind, wind, wind]

00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:10.000
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00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:20.000
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00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:30.000
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00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:40.000
 [wind, wind, wind, wind]

00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:50.000
 [wind, wind, wind, wind, wind]

00:39:50.000 --> 00:40:00.000
 [wind, wind, wind, wind]

00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.660
 (bells chiming)

00:40:02.660 --> 00:40:15.820
 (bells chiming)

00:40:15.820 --> 00:40:19.620
 (bells chiming)

00:40:19.620 --> 00:40:22.220
 (bells chiming)

00:40:30.500 --> 00:40:33.400
 (bells chiming)

00:40:33.400 --> 00:40:45.720
 So it's been a moment or two.

00:40:45.720 --> 00:40:49.680
 So we're reviewing that short meditation experience.

00:40:49.680 --> 00:40:50.760
 What does that mean?

00:40:50.760 --> 00:40:54.840
 Was the mind fairly busy at times?

00:40:54.840 --> 00:40:57.080
 Was it difficult to redirect it?

00:40:58.200 --> 00:41:02.680
 Was it fairly easy to redirect it with their sleepiness?

00:41:02.680 --> 00:41:05.760
 What was the recents of maybe calm and peacefulness

00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:08.880
 for a few moments here and there or right through?

00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:10.320
 There's no right or wrong,

00:41:10.320 --> 00:41:13.400
 but by spending a couple of minutes,

00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:15.440
 literally about two minutes or so,

00:41:15.440 --> 00:41:19.520
 after a meditation to review the meditation,

00:41:19.520 --> 00:41:23.560
 you're engaging with the process of meditation.

00:41:23.560 --> 00:41:27.400
 Instead of a lot of persons tend to sort of plop down

00:41:27.400 --> 00:41:29.480
 and meditate and then get up and do the next thing.

00:41:29.480 --> 00:41:33.840
 That's not bad, but according to my teachers and wise people,

00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:35.920
 it's more helpful to just briefly check in.

00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:37.160
 What did you notice?

00:41:37.160 --> 00:41:40.120
 Anything stand out, fine if it didn't,

00:41:40.120 --> 00:41:41.920
 and then move on.

00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:44.680
 The next time you go to meditate,

00:41:44.680 --> 00:41:46.920
 I hope they'll be the next time,

00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:49.240
 that review may serve you a little bit.

00:41:49.240 --> 00:41:51.200
 So.

00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:58.000
 At two topics, I was thinking of addressing tonight

00:41:58.000 --> 00:42:00.080
 and they dance with each other.

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:08.900
 But I may focus just on one and then we meet again two weeks from tonight, 14 days from

00:42:08.900 --> 00:42:09.900
 tonight.

00:42:09.900 --> 00:42:13.700
 I will maybe go more deeply into the second topic and then weave them together.

00:42:13.700 --> 00:42:15.640
 I think that might be more helpful.

00:42:15.640 --> 00:42:25.200
 So, with this evening, I'd like to talk about what the Buddha taught as the three characteristics

00:42:25.200 --> 00:42:26.200
 of existence.

00:42:26.200 --> 00:42:28.560
 That's a pretty big phrase.

00:42:28.560 --> 00:42:35.320
 Now, it sounds like a good thing for a band, actually, now that I think of it.

00:42:35.320 --> 00:42:42.280
 So, as it was being driven here, thank you, and I used to not drive myself.

00:42:42.280 --> 00:42:45.680
 And this sought to you, when I was reviewing this high T, and thinking about it on the

00:42:45.680 --> 00:42:49.760
 drive here and whatnot, I thought, what if you just got asked that question in a really

00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:54.840
 regular way, like, without such a fancy phrase, like, what are the three things that

00:42:54.840 --> 00:42:58.800
 kind of defined being alive as a human?

00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:05.560
 What are the three inescapable things about living a human life?

00:43:05.560 --> 00:43:10.040
 I hadn't really ever thought of it that way until about 45 minutes ago.

00:43:10.040 --> 00:43:11.040
 And what comes up for you?

00:43:11.040 --> 00:43:15.320
 When I asked that question, this one said, you know, as a being a human, what would you say

00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:18.800
 is something that's just part of being a human?

00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:25.700
 There's no, there's no escaping it, any thoughts, any, any brave souls willing to answer

00:43:25.700 --> 00:43:27.200
 to guess?

00:43:27.200 --> 00:43:30.480
 Pardon me?

00:43:30.480 --> 00:43:31.480
 Pain.

00:43:31.480 --> 00:43:32.480
 Pain.

00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:33.480
 Oh, how depressing.

00:43:33.480 --> 00:43:34.480
 Oh, how absolutely accurate.

00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:40.560
 And one of the things Buddha said, yeah, pain is part of being in a human life.

00:43:40.560 --> 00:43:45.640
 As anyone here had no physical or mental or emotional pain, of course not.

00:43:45.640 --> 00:43:51.880
 So, yeah, it's part of the deal, right, of having a human life inescapable.

00:43:51.880 --> 00:43:57.760
 One of the main, not necessarily predominantly, like, percentage wise, but one of the

00:43:57.760 --> 00:43:59.720
 inescapable things of being.

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:08.880
 in a human life. Something else. There's no wrong answers. Mistakes. Mistakes? Yeah. How

00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:18.960
 would we define a mistake? I know. But think about it. Like how would you define a mistake?

00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:25.920
 Does that hurt all out of the camera? Undesire a blow come. So sometimes we should have seen it

00:44:25.920 --> 00:44:33.920
 coming. Other times it might be quite a shock. But something about maybe we'd look back on it

00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:39.520
 and regret it or wish we'd done something different. Maybe part of being alive. If anybody

00:44:39.520 --> 00:44:45.280
 disagree, I don't disagree with that. If you're looking back over a blameless life, you're

00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:52.720
 deluded. Yeah. That's a whole other topic for another day. Well, missing kind of an obvious one. What's

00:44:52.720 --> 00:45:00.000
 guaranteed to happen within about a hundred years of being born? Dye. Dye. Yeah. Bummer.

00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.160
 Why did I come up for this? It could be a whole bunch of Netflix. Right. So regrets, mistakes,

00:45:06.160 --> 00:45:12.560
 things that don't feel cool. So pain and dying. Yeah. You should all leave now. You can go watch a

00:45:12.560 --> 00:45:19.120
 comedy. So when I was thinking about this and excellent answers and they're pretty much right on

00:45:19.120 --> 00:45:23.840
 target, I was thinking, well, you know, that it's limited and we're going to die, that there's

00:45:23.840 --> 00:45:29.280
 going to be some pain or suffering or discomfort involved. And the other one that came up for me when

00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:34.320
 I was thinking about it for more of a secular or psychological perspective was, and stuff happens

00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:41.120
 to us sometimes that we don't want. Right. Car accidents, death, loss of people we care about,

00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:48.000
 stopping your toe, everything from the time into the huge. Right. Stuff we don't want happens to us,

00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:55.760
 happens to me, happens to me. There's a personal growth expert grew and others who quote this,

00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:58.880
 I think has a terrific sentence. He says,

00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:05.520
 life doesn't happen to you. It happens for you. It's a really interesting

00:46:05.520 --> 00:46:09.760
 contemplation because it feels like it happened to us. We got a fire in the blue.

00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:13.440
 That happens to me. How's your day terrible? I'm not fired today.

00:46:13.440 --> 00:46:19.120
 It happens to me, right? You break your leg. I broke my leg today. That happened to me.

00:46:19.120 --> 00:46:23.120
 Even if you know the cause like you got hit by a sledgehammer or you

00:46:23.120 --> 00:46:26.480
 tripped and twisted your leg and the bone cracked. It still feels like it

00:46:26.480 --> 00:46:30.960
 happened to me, right? I guess if we won that $80 million, it would feel like it

00:46:30.960 --> 00:46:40.080
 happened to us. Life is happening for me not to me. Can really shift your

00:46:40.080 --> 00:46:44.400
 perspective and this person that uses this as a personal growth

00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:47.520
 mantra and I think it's a helpful one isn't talking about Buddhism but it

00:46:47.520 --> 00:46:51.600
 does tell beautifully with the third thing that we didn't quite pin down as a

00:46:51.600 --> 00:46:56.720
 group this evening because it's more elusive. It's more slippery which is it sure

00:46:56.720 --> 00:47:00.480
 feels like there's a knee and it sure feels like good stuff and bad stuff

00:47:00.480 --> 00:47:04.640
 and happy stuff and sad stuff and annoying stuff and hilarious stuff

00:47:04.640 --> 00:47:09.440
 happens to us or we make it happen but there's very much a knee that's

00:47:09.440 --> 00:47:15.920
 happening too or is making it happen. So you're basically on it folks. The

00:47:15.920 --> 00:47:20.000
 three characteristics of existence according to the Buddha 25, 26

00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:27.600
 hundred years ago are impermanence. Everything changes. We die. Think of a leaf

00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:31.680
 in its bloom and then it moves into fall in our hemisphere or in our climate.

00:47:31.680 --> 00:47:36.240
 Anyway it starts to shrivel and get maybe a more brown change color

00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:40.320
 than it falls and it's there for quite a while on the ground and then it

00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:43.360
 gradually starts to disintegrate, right? become kind of bulky,

00:47:43.360 --> 00:47:47.680
 kind of squishy, kind of maybe almost slippery and then it gradually

00:47:47.680 --> 00:47:53.360
 seems to go away. We know it doesn't go away. It gets absorbed into the soil and

00:47:53.360 --> 00:47:56.240
 a little happy caterpillar is much on it or whatever. It creates

00:47:56.240 --> 00:47:59.680
 factory and it helps things do what they need to do.

00:47:59.680 --> 00:48:00.180
 But...

00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.120
 That's a very simple example of impermanence everything changes.

00:48:04.120 --> 00:48:06.240
 That was the depth part.

00:48:06.240 --> 00:48:07.400
 We die.

00:48:07.400 --> 00:48:10.960
 Anybody here is body exactly the same as it was last year?

00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:11.800
 Of course not.

00:48:11.800 --> 00:48:15.680
 Anybody here is body exactly the same as it was 30 milliseconds ago?

00:48:15.680 --> 00:48:16.440
 Apparently not.

00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:18.600
 You've shed some skin cells and some bacteria

00:48:18.600 --> 00:48:20.880
 that had a little party and things have happened

00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:23.120
 just in the last millisecond.

00:48:23.120 --> 00:48:25.160
 But it feels like we're a we,

00:48:25.160 --> 00:48:28.800
 even though our body is thinner, stronger, plumper,

00:48:28.800 --> 00:48:31.240
 more achy, more twisted.

00:48:31.240 --> 00:48:34.720
 If we got a haircut yesterday, that's different.

00:48:34.720 --> 00:48:36.640
 So most of us, it's not all of us,

00:48:36.640 --> 00:48:39.160
 they're not going to argue very hard.

00:48:39.160 --> 00:48:41.700
 Against the one characteristic of existence

00:48:41.700 --> 00:48:44.160
 is that everything has a beginning and an end.

00:48:44.160 --> 00:48:47.000
 You know driving here, we let it early,

00:48:47.000 --> 00:48:48.640
 because we had to stop on the way here.

00:48:48.640 --> 00:48:53.360
 And so it was bright sunshine and the mountain around,

00:48:53.360 --> 00:48:54.920
 I don't know, just before ladies,

00:48:54.920 --> 00:48:58.240
 but it was all busted with snow and it was really beautiful.

00:48:58.240 --> 00:48:59.640
 And then as the dust came,

00:48:59.640 --> 00:49:02.280
 many of you may have seen this whole crescent moon

00:49:02.280 --> 00:49:05.240
 tonight in the clear sky and a sort of orangey,

00:49:05.240 --> 00:49:07.000
 all of these things were changing though.

00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:09.560
 That mountain is at the same now as when we drove by,

00:49:09.560 --> 00:49:11.000
 of course, not leaves the fallen,

00:49:11.000 --> 00:49:14.160
 the land almost have burrowed and made little piles of dirt

00:49:14.160 --> 00:49:16.440
 and on and on, trees made a fallen even.

00:49:16.440 --> 00:49:19.640
 It feels to us like things are permanent,

00:49:19.640 --> 00:49:22.920
 but we know they're changing basically all the time.

00:49:22.920 --> 00:49:25.640
 So the first characteristic of existence

00:49:25.640 --> 00:49:27.040
 in the polling language,

00:49:27.040 --> 00:49:28.800
 the language spoken at the time of the Buddha,

00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:32.920
 is a Nietzsche, and an ICCA, a Nietzsche,

00:49:32.920 --> 00:49:37.040
 which means in permanent, permanent.

00:49:37.040 --> 00:49:39.640
 Okay, we'll park that for the moment.

00:49:39.640 --> 00:49:42.160
 The second one is pain.

00:49:42.160 --> 00:49:43.360
 The second one is Dukkat,

00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:45.720
 D-U-K-H-A in the polling language.

00:49:45.720 --> 00:49:47.440
 Most of you've probably heard that,

00:49:47.440 --> 00:49:49.920
 or it has made its way into the vernacular

00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:52.920
 and regular speak a lot, which is fine,

00:49:52.920 --> 00:49:55.280
 by the way, I'm not criticizing that at all.

00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:58.560
 But duket means unsatisfactory.

00:49:58.560 --> 00:50:00.120
 Often translated as suffering.

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:14.000
 many of you have heard we say, 57 the time for some of you, that suffering was the translation into English that was made in about the, it's a fine translation, but in English the word suffering using it's pretty big stuff.

00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:21.000
 Like how are you unsuffering? We don't think, oh, you've got a slightly sort of finger, but you say you're suffering. We think what's happened.

00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:39.000
 So a better and more accurate translation that gets to the root of that word, duka, is unsatisfactory because unsaid as factory covers everything from a slightly annoying hang nail on your finger or a buzzy mosquito in your tent when you're trying to fall asleep is a pretty small.

00:50:39.000 --> 00:50:56.000
 Unless you're in the material area, a buzzing mosquito is at best, vaguely annoying, a hang nail not to be dealt paper cut a little bit outchy. Those are unsatisfactory, but the death of your spouse is also unsatisfactory.

00:50:56.000 --> 00:51:13.000
 So I prefer to use that word unsaid as factory, it captures the feeling better, and it includes the biggest sufferance you can imagine, torture, abuse, death, murder, car accidents being maimed, being paralyzed from the neck down, those are all under that duka.

00:51:13.000 --> 00:51:29.000
 The duka of eating a little too much supper tonight, so you feel a little sluggish in your tummy is a little too full, just a little bit, it's not unpleasant, you're a bit stomach ache or feel nauseous or anything like that, it's just, huh, I probably could have stopped after that first helping.

00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:58.000
 All the unsatisfactory is the pain, a characteristic of being like, worry not, another characteristic of being alive is often joy and contentment and body feeling nice and happy moments and joyful memories and pleasant things that happen, and noticing the beauty of the crescent moon, tinged orange, hanging in this guy, like some person has flown up there and hung it on a hook, just beautiful, loing this guy, driving on the transcended highway.

00:51:58.000 --> 00:52:00.000
 highway. That's important.

00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:07.220
 and it's not unsatisfactory, providing we remember it's impermanent, huh?

00:52:07.220 --> 00:52:12.920
 Well, as I went admiring the moon and mentioning it to my partner while it's so

00:52:12.920 --> 00:52:19.800
 beautiful and you sing with the orange color, it was pleasant. But if a cloud came

00:52:19.800 --> 00:52:24.920
 and covered the moon up and we went aw, that's another satisfactory. Or if

00:52:24.920 --> 00:52:29.120
 tomorrow it's raining we can't see the moon aw, it's unsatisfactory. It's

00:52:29.120 --> 00:52:36.120
 such a trick, not like a low-key that God of tricks to eat trick. It's a trick

00:52:36.120 --> 00:52:41.040
 we play on ourselves when we have a moment of pleasantness and we forget

00:52:41.040 --> 00:52:44.840
 the first one. We forget in each other, we forget in permanence, we forget

00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:49.200
 everything changes. So it's like, oh, this is lovely. There's no pain in that.

00:52:49.200 --> 00:52:54.680
 There's no duke in that. But when we want it to stay, the duke comes. When we

00:52:54.680 --> 00:52:59.080
 forget in each other, we forget everything changes. We are setting ourselves out

00:52:59.080 --> 00:53:03.480
 usually not on purpose to suffer. Does that make any sense? The first one is the

00:53:03.480 --> 00:53:06.140
 impermanence, everything changes. The second is some things are on

00:53:06.140 --> 00:53:10.120
 satisfactory. And they're generally on satisfactory when they change in a way

00:53:10.120 --> 00:53:16.840
 we don't want it. We're reading a wonderful, I don't know, birthday party

00:53:16.840 --> 00:53:20.640
 invitation that came in the mail. The mail is this thing, it's a thing. You

00:53:20.640 --> 00:53:23.640
 may not know what it is, but you used to go outside and get something at open

00:53:23.640 --> 00:53:26.760
 and it was paper and it had, as words on it, then they do have to be, if it was a

00:53:26.760 --> 00:53:30.680
 birthday invitation. Neil Sullivan was birthday, all cats and humans allowed,

00:53:30.680 --> 00:53:35.000
 right? Oh, how delightful. Like that's lovely. That's not suffering. That's

00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:40.520
 suka. That's happy joy. But then you get a paper cut. Oh, little bit

00:53:40.520 --> 00:53:44.320
 outside of satisfactory, just like that. It changes because of the first one.

00:53:44.320 --> 00:53:53.200
 Everything changes. Beautiful invitation. B-Y-O-C, bring your own cat. Is there?

00:53:53.200 --> 00:53:56.040
 And then out to little bit outside of satisfactory. I know you get it. I'm

00:53:56.040 --> 00:53:59.960
 driving it home, maybe a little too much, but these are the characteristics of existence.

00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:04.040
 the Buddha didn't call them the kind of interesting,

00:54:04.040 --> 00:54:06.240
 the three characteristics of existence.

00:54:06.240 --> 00:54:07.360
 And why would it matter?

00:54:07.360 --> 00:54:08.600
 I know I haven't got to the third.

00:54:08.600 --> 00:54:10.680
 That's purposeful at this time.

00:54:10.680 --> 00:54:13.400
 Why would it matter to learn these characteristics,

00:54:13.400 --> 00:54:14.920
 to study these characteristics,

00:54:14.920 --> 00:54:16.640
 to care about these characteristics

00:54:16.640 --> 00:54:20.680
 because the more we understand them,

00:54:20.680 --> 00:54:24.640
 the more we align ourselves with the reality

00:54:24.640 --> 00:54:29.160
 of these three things, the less we will suffer.

00:54:30.160 --> 00:54:34.080
 I was wild, the less we will suffer.

00:54:34.080 --> 00:54:36.480
 We will suffer less, we will feel better.

00:54:36.480 --> 00:54:39.240
 We will have more happiness, more ease, and more compassion.

00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:42.240
 When we remember these three characteristics,

00:54:42.240 --> 00:54:45.640
 we can enjoy the sliver of moon,

00:54:45.640 --> 00:54:48.280
 with an open heart without wanting it to stay,

00:54:48.280 --> 00:54:50.720
 just feeling blessed for those moments of driving by,

00:54:50.720 --> 00:54:53.320
 we saw the moon, and then just let it go.

00:54:53.320 --> 00:54:57.120
 Knowing it's impermanent, it'll look different tomorrow

00:54:57.120 --> 00:54:58.680
 if we even see it.

00:54:58.680 --> 00:55:01.360
 So the first characteristic is the truth of change

00:55:01.360 --> 00:55:03.400
 and Nietzsche, everything's impermanent.

00:55:03.400 --> 00:55:07.080
 The second is, there is some unsatisfactoriness

00:55:07.080 --> 00:55:09.360
 pain suffering in a human life.

00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:10.880
 Lots of good, too.

00:55:10.880 --> 00:55:14.240
 The third one is, you're not a me.

00:55:14.240 --> 00:55:19.120
 Life doesn't happen to me, or you, life happens.

00:55:19.120 --> 00:55:21.760
 It's got nothing to do with me or you.

00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:23.480
 Sometimes it affects you.

00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:24.800
 It's not about you.

00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:31.000
 Especially in today's world, Facebook, TikTok, and selfies.

00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:34.320
 I have a beautiful fabulous needs going.

00:55:34.320 --> 00:55:38.480
 A door is about 22 every picture she sends me is poking.

00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:41.640
 It's the thing, you don't exist.

00:55:41.640 --> 00:55:43.160
 She'll go out of it, I hope.

00:55:43.160 --> 00:55:47.800
 Me, look at me, look at me.

00:55:47.800 --> 00:55:53.040
 In my day, there was no such thing as a selfie,

00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:54.160
 because there wasn't a cellphone,

00:55:54.160 --> 00:55:56.440
 and it's really hard to hold a Kodak Instamatic

00:55:56.440 --> 00:55:58.360
 and such, it was any figure on the picture.

00:55:58.360 --> 00:55:59.840
 And then take it to Shoppers Drug Mart

00:55:59.840 --> 00:56:00.680
 and we'll...

00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:03.520
 a week to get the photos back and find you had a position that writes, so it's really just

00:56:03.520 --> 00:56:08.160
 a picture of your left earlobe. It didn't work. It didn't work. The younger people were like,

00:56:08.160 --> 00:56:14.560
 "What's a code against a medic?" And I'm like, "Oh, I'm so old." But think about this. I heard

00:56:14.560 --> 00:56:20.880
 I don't recall who it was. It was a media personality, an actor, or a singer, or a fan artist.

00:56:20.880 --> 00:56:25.120
 And they were saying how no one ever asked for an autograph anymore. They just want to

00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:32.400
 self-view with me in the event. So we used to say, "Hey, Neil, Neil, the actual Neil color,

00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:38.000
 can I have your autograph?" And that's meant something to us. When we get Neil's signature,

00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:42.080
 you might if he was feeling benign, which he probably is, write something nice on it.

00:56:42.080 --> 00:56:48.000
 And we keep it. A little reminder, a little piece of a little connection to this being.

00:56:48.000 --> 00:56:53.440
 Now it's all about putting me in the photo. Is that bad? Is that not bad you decide?

00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:59.040
 But it's an even stronger attachment to me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, I would say.

00:56:59.040 --> 00:57:03.600
 I would put forward for contemplation. That perhaps in today's world,

00:57:03.600 --> 00:57:07.520
 or even more when you focused. You know, something happens you don't like,

00:57:07.520 --> 00:57:13.040
 you go on social media, and you tell the whole world, "I can't believe it today. I got a hot chocolate

00:57:13.040 --> 00:57:15.280
 and a croissant. And the croissant was stale."

00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:22.960
 Okay. We need to share that, get validated, and have people jump on the stale croissant

00:57:22.960 --> 00:57:27.120
 as evil bandwagon. Think about it. Is that healthy? I don't know.

00:57:27.120 --> 00:57:31.680
 Try it out. Does it make you feel better? Maybe. Maybe if we're annoyed about something

00:57:31.680 --> 00:57:35.840
 on satisfactory, like a stale croissant, which is a fairly egregious horror, actually.

00:57:35.840 --> 00:57:43.680
 And we share it, and people values it. We feel a bit better. Our pain got validated.

00:57:43.680 --> 00:57:48.320
 I'm not mocking any, but we've all got some bizarre stuff going on myself included.

00:57:48.320 --> 00:57:52.480
 But look at whether that makes you feel better for very long.

00:57:53.920 --> 00:57:58.560
 When we build up the me, when we ask the me to be validated afterwards,

00:57:58.560 --> 00:57:59.920
 I need you all to give me a stand.

00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:03.400
 I'm gonna feel bad about myself on the drive home.

00:58:03.400 --> 00:58:05.360
 Sometimes we do feel that way, by the way.

00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:07.560
 And that's okay.

00:58:07.560 --> 00:58:09.440
 But if we can look at the saying,

00:58:09.440 --> 00:58:11.560
 why do I need a standing ovation?

00:58:11.560 --> 00:58:15.720
 Why do I feel less there if that doesn't happen?

00:58:15.720 --> 00:58:18.520
 Why do I feel sad on the drive home?

00:58:18.520 --> 00:58:22.040
 It's all ego.

00:58:22.040 --> 00:58:25.560
 It's all a sense of a self needing to feel loved,

00:58:25.560 --> 00:58:27.160
 which is not a terrible thing.

00:58:27.160 --> 00:58:30.160
 Needing to feel important, which is not a terrible thing,

00:58:30.160 --> 00:58:31.800
 where such fragile means,

00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:34.120
 means like a little crystal ornament

00:58:34.120 --> 00:58:35.720
 that can break so easily.

00:58:35.720 --> 00:58:37.640
 It can crack so easily.

00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:40.800
 It can have little pieces fall off it so easily.

00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:43.360
 And if you've ever broken a little piece of glass

00:58:43.360 --> 00:58:44.560
 off a crystal ornament,

00:58:44.560 --> 00:58:47.080
 it's bloody hard to put back on,

00:58:47.080 --> 00:58:49.440
 even with King Kong glue or whatever.

00:58:49.440 --> 00:58:55.040
 So the third characteristic to existence is, yay, good news.

00:58:55.040 --> 00:58:57.440
 There isn't a solid you.

00:58:57.440 --> 00:58:59.400
 There's not a solid key.

00:58:59.400 --> 00:59:02.900
 There's not a solid curing, curing.

00:59:02.900 --> 00:59:05.000
 There's not a solid nail.

00:59:05.000 --> 00:59:06.960
 I picked up all the boys, most of them.

00:59:06.960 --> 00:59:11.080
 There is a constellation of habits,

00:59:11.080 --> 00:59:14.240
 behaviors, physical traits, history,

00:59:14.240 --> 00:59:16.680
 hopes, dreams, ideas, trainings,

00:59:16.680 --> 00:59:18.800
 that make up something we call a nail,

00:59:18.800 --> 00:59:21.280
 'cause he told us that's what he is.

00:59:21.280 --> 00:59:22.800
 If you come in next time and say,

00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:25.600
 "Hi, I'm Barnabas, it's gonna free people out,"

00:59:25.600 --> 00:59:27.300
 because we think that's Neil.

00:59:27.300 --> 00:59:29.880
 Or in the best, call your next countdown.

00:59:29.880 --> 00:59:30.720
 That's a good one.

00:59:30.720 --> 00:59:31.840
 I don't know where that came from.

00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:33.480
 That came from the ether.

00:59:33.480 --> 00:59:35.480
 I think I've ever ushered that one before.

00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:36.840
 Must be your next time.

00:59:36.840 --> 00:59:42.880
 We'd be a little unsure.

00:59:42.880 --> 00:59:44.360
 We might not think anything badly,

00:59:44.360 --> 00:59:46.040
 but we'd be, I thought you were Neil,

00:59:46.040 --> 00:59:49.140
 like we've got a concept of who Neil is.

00:59:50.800 --> 00:59:54.040
 We've certainly got concepts about who Neil is.

00:59:54.040 --> 00:59:56.080
 That's okay.

00:59:56.080 --> 00:59:59.440
 It'd be pretty hard to operate in the world if people were like,

00:59:59.440 --> 01:00:00.280
 so,

01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.360
 social search number. It's an ethereal concept that has no meaning. Well then you can't have a bank

01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:14.240
 account or drive for anything. Like having an identity and social insurance numbers and what not has

01:00:14.240 --> 01:00:20.720
 value for sure. But when we hang on to the I am sure when I think this way and I feel this way

01:00:20.720 --> 01:00:27.280
 and these things are important to me and this is what I need and that's not what I need. It is just

01:00:27.280 --> 01:00:33.440
 a prescription for suffering. Now that's a giant topic. We're going to teach you seven to 10 day

01:00:33.440 --> 01:00:38.720
 retreat at the end of August beginning of September. We'll announce it soon at Bethlehem Center.

01:00:38.720 --> 01:00:44.720
 And I may take an exploration of self as one of the themes. It needs a lot of exploring. But for now,

01:00:44.720 --> 01:00:54.160
 I know that the third characteristic of existence is fools we are. We act, believe, and feel

01:00:54.160 --> 01:01:00.080
 most of the time, except maybe when we're fast asleep, that we exist as a as a show, as a show.

01:01:00.080 --> 01:01:08.080
 That we are, and conversely, that's who I am. Even if we don't really identify with our name,

01:01:08.080 --> 01:01:14.800
 a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, Barnabas meal, whoever, we still feel like a person.

01:01:14.800 --> 01:01:18.880
 I know this is a little tricky if you haven't heard these teachings before. They're kind of weird.

01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:26.640
 The first time I ever heard that there wasn't a song, I got really angry inside. It was around 1997,

01:01:26.640 --> 01:01:31.760
 and I was at a Dharma talk. It was actually a gathering of psychologists in California. I was

01:01:31.760 --> 01:01:36.320
 finishing my training in San Francisco at the time. And there was a group, just a volume,

01:01:36.320 --> 01:01:41.760
 like a group gathering of therapists and psychologists who were interested in Buddhism.

01:01:41.760 --> 01:01:45.920
 Oh, that sounds cool about kind of seems to fit where I'm headed. So I went and was at someone's

01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:49.520
 living room. They were really nice people. And they said, "So tonight, we're going to talk about

01:01:49.520 --> 01:01:55.280
 the fact that there's no self." And it's like, it's a little bit hard to describe, but it's like

01:01:55.280 --> 01:01:59.760
 my brain hit the brakes and stopped and I called

01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:06.000
 really irritated and really annoyed at this really dumb idea that there's no self.

01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:11.920
 I've just spent 13 years in graduate school as a psychologist, a scientist, and a

01:02:11.920 --> 01:02:17.200
 medical person studying how to be a healthy, integrated, well-adjusted,

01:02:17.200 --> 01:02:22.800
 high-meaningful self. And you're telling me there isn't one? I had the good grades not to say it,

01:02:22.800 --> 01:02:28.240
 but I felt angry and pissed off and I thought this is really stupid. Like even the idea that

01:02:28.240 --> 01:02:35.520
 we're not a self. And I was, I don't know, something like early 30s, I wasn't young.

01:02:35.520 --> 01:02:46.400
 It stopped my brain because we grow up so much feeling like a self and me and boosting it with

01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:51.920
 what we say, what we think, what people tell us. We're such a nice person, right? You're so tall,

01:02:51.920 --> 01:02:57.680
 all these things that even the idea that maybe what we believe in experience, what we actually

01:02:57.680 --> 01:03:05.520
 experience as me speaking right now, waving my hand around. It's not that it's not happening,

01:03:05.520 --> 01:03:11.520
 but it's just a temporary arising of a bunch of factors for a few seconds of physical body,

01:03:11.520 --> 01:03:15.760
 a mind, certain things I've exposed myself to and learned,

01:03:15.760 --> 01:03:20.560
 certain things I believe and don't believe. The ability to use vocal cords and make sound waves

01:03:20.560 --> 01:03:25.840
 that go to your ears and get transmitted into things that seem like English language sentences,

01:03:25.840 --> 01:03:32.320
 that hopefully make some sense to you. That's all that's happening. It certainly looks like

01:03:32.320 --> 01:03:37.920
 Cheryl's giving a talk or Cheryl speaking at the front of a room. And it more or less feels like

01:03:37.920 --> 01:03:44.480
 I am speaking at the front of the room. So on a relative level, that's kind of sort of happening.

01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:50.640
 But on what's called an absolute level in the teaching of Buddhism, what's happening is a

01:03:50.640 --> 01:03:56.800
 physical body, a hump of beat and some neurons are firing and some conditioning and history of 61

01:03:56.800 --> 01:03:59.840
 years are coming together.

01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:01.440
 And then it's all going to fall apart.

01:04:01.440 --> 01:04:04.520
 Remember the first one, everything's impermanent.

01:04:04.520 --> 01:04:08.360
 Right now, none of the talk exists anymore until this moment.

01:04:08.360 --> 01:04:11.040
 The meditation doesn't exist anymore.

01:04:11.040 --> 01:04:11.920
 That was then.

01:04:11.920 --> 01:04:17.120
 Again, we need 10 days or 10 years on that.

01:04:17.120 --> 01:04:19.760
 But for now, the three characteristics of existence

01:04:19.760 --> 01:04:21.960
 are everything changes, everything's impermanent.

01:04:21.960 --> 01:04:23.080
 That's in nature.

01:04:23.080 --> 01:04:27.320
 The second one is Duca.

01:04:27.320 --> 01:04:28.880
 There is some pain, some suffering,

01:04:28.880 --> 01:04:31.240
 some unsatisfactoriness in our human life.

01:04:31.240 --> 01:04:37.760
 And the third is, when we don't study this felt sense

01:04:37.760 --> 01:04:41.680
 of being a self, we suffer more.

01:04:41.680 --> 01:04:44.880
 So much of our suffering is defending our view

01:04:44.880 --> 01:04:47.360
 of who we are and what we believe and what we don't.

01:04:47.360 --> 01:04:49.000
 So much of our suffering.

01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:52.040
 And I was being fairly whimsical when I said,

01:04:52.040 --> 01:04:53.520
 if I don't get a standing ovation,

01:04:53.520 --> 01:04:55.240
 please don't stand a clap.

01:04:55.240 --> 01:04:59.760
 If I don't get a standing ovation, I won't feel good.

01:04:59.760 --> 01:05:02.320
 That doesn't happen to be my truth at this time in my life.

01:05:02.320 --> 01:05:04.200
 But there were times in my life where something similar

01:05:04.200 --> 01:05:07.920
 to that might have led me to feel insecure or worried,

01:05:07.920 --> 01:05:11.720
 et cetera, that's OK, because I'm a human being, of course.

01:05:11.720 --> 01:05:13.480
 There are other things that you could do or not do

01:05:13.480 --> 01:05:15.280
 that would make me a little more shaken

01:05:15.280 --> 01:05:17.480
 and maybe a little more upset.

01:05:17.480 --> 01:05:21.400
 But it hurts when we feel the self need something.

01:05:21.400 --> 01:05:24.280
 And it doesn't get it.

01:05:24.280 --> 01:05:26.360
 Some of you may know, or some of you do know,

01:05:26.360 --> 01:05:28.440
 some of you may not know.

01:05:28.440 --> 01:05:31.400
 The other thing I do with a lot of my time

01:05:31.400 --> 01:05:34.600
 is I work with couples, romantic couples.

01:05:34.600 --> 01:05:38.000
 As a psychologist, as a coach, I have a three-month program.

01:05:38.000 --> 01:05:40.040
 I take couples through online.

01:05:40.040 --> 01:05:41.680
 And a lot of the couples are struggling,

01:05:41.680 --> 01:05:44.160
 duh, why else would they join an online program,

01:05:44.160 --> 01:05:47.800
 most of them are struggling to some smaller or huge degree.

01:05:47.800 --> 01:05:49.160
 A few are doing pretty well.

01:05:49.160 --> 01:05:51.000
 They just would like a little more skill,

01:05:51.000 --> 01:05:52.520
 a little more happiness.

01:05:52.520 --> 01:05:54.920
 And I was working with a couple yesterday.

01:05:54.920 --> 01:05:57.880
 I occasionally work privately with a couple.

01:05:57.880 --> 01:05:59.480
 I was working with a couple yesterday.

01:05:59.480 --> 01:06:00.480
 And--

01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:08.000
 these are two lovely women who I know very well now and they love loving people, really kind

01:06:08.000 --> 01:06:13.120
 amazing people with many many good qualities and they were laying out, we were together for about

01:06:13.120 --> 01:06:21.600
 two hours last night and they were laying out some of the things they were having pain and distress

01:06:21.600 --> 01:06:29.920
 over and one of them was they have different circadian rhythms and job requirements

01:06:29.920 --> 01:06:34.480
 so one of them stays up till about two three in the morning, legs asleep till around 10 or 11 or

01:06:34.480 --> 01:06:43.840
 new, the other ones up around 6.7 a.m. goes to bed around 9 or 10 and one of them really wants to

01:06:43.840 --> 01:06:48.960
 eat lunch together on Saturday and Sunday, perfectly reasonable thing to want, I like eating lunch

01:06:48.960 --> 01:06:56.640
 with my sweetie too but according to partner A partner B is a control freak who says we have to eat

01:06:56.640 --> 01:07:01.840
 after she gets up and she sleeps till noon or one and I'm up by 8 or 9 and I'm hungry

01:07:01.840 --> 01:07:08.640
 but I can't until she gets up. According to the other partner it's like oh and partner A said

01:07:08.640 --> 01:07:13.200
 and when I say to her that eating it too doesn't work as well for me it could be change it

01:07:13.200 --> 01:07:18.000
 she says absolutely not reading it too, that's one side of the story. The other side of this story

01:07:18.720 --> 01:07:27.920
 from the one looking baffled at the first one is what happens is I say you say to me when do you

01:07:27.920 --> 01:07:35.680
 want to eat and I say two o'clock and you say okay so person A is saying I say I don't want to eat

01:07:35.680 --> 01:07:40.640
 at that time you don't listen to me and you demand the going to and person B says you ask me when

01:07:40.640 --> 01:07:46.560
 I want to eat I say two is that okay and you say yes. The reason I'm mentioning this they

01:07:46.560 --> 01:07:53.040
 wouldn't mind me sharing it is it is so ridiculously small right can you hear how ridiculously small

01:07:53.040 --> 01:07:59.840
 this is and yet it was causing them so much to that so much suffer so much pain.

01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:03.600
 because they each had these concepts of who they were, what they needed, and they couldn't

01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:08.320
 adhere to negotiate, maybe split the difference, or maybe on Saturday, eat it too, but on Sunday,

01:08:08.320 --> 01:08:13.200
 eat it 11, but all sorts of things are smart. People can easily think of them might solve the

01:08:13.200 --> 01:08:18.480
 problem. Why am I on this? Because if you want to see ego's battling work with couples,

01:08:18.480 --> 01:08:22.800
 and I'm not being facetious actually, that may have seemed like a bit of a dig, it's not.

01:08:23.920 --> 01:08:31.200
 Or family, close family members, but romantic couples seem to just be the worst

01:08:31.200 --> 01:08:37.440
 at having two constellated selves that need something and want something, and can end up

01:08:37.440 --> 01:08:41.840
 causing so much duke on, so much suffering with this gloriously beautiful person that they love.

01:08:41.840 --> 01:08:48.960
 As I often say, and I wish it wasn't true, I will never be unemployed. There's so much pain

01:08:48.960 --> 01:08:53.760
 at suffering at couples in people, because we forget if things are impermanent, we forget our

01:08:53.760 --> 01:08:59.440
 couple, our partner could die tomorrow, they could stop for kabucha at the local store on the way

01:08:59.440 --> 01:09:03.360
 to work, and that puts them two minutes behind the usual time, and they pull out and they get killed

01:09:03.360 --> 01:09:07.280
 in the car accident. And for the rest of your life, you could think if only they hadn't stopped

01:09:07.280 --> 01:09:13.840
 for kabucha, they'd still be alive, which is massive suffering, because it's forgetting the first

01:09:13.840 --> 01:09:17.600
 characteristic of existence, which is everything's impermanent, including your spouse,

01:09:18.160 --> 01:09:21.920
 your kid, your parent, your cat, your dog, your loved ones.

01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:30.000
 When we move into, that should have never happened, because if only they hadn't stopped for

01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:34.080
 kabucha, they wouldn't have been there and they wouldn't have died, we're a massive suffering,

01:09:34.080 --> 01:09:38.480
 and we're forgetting the three characteristics of existence, one, everything's impermanent,

01:09:38.480 --> 01:09:43.440
 including our human lives, two, suffering's part of the deal some of the time, and three,

01:09:44.240 --> 01:09:51.200
 this one's a bit weird, this is a big stretch for such a short class, they didn't really exist

01:09:51.200 --> 01:09:57.200
 in the way we thought they weren't impermanent then, and they could have really last forever.

01:09:59.040 --> 01:10:01.040
 Why doesn't he have this?

01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.520
 matter. Is it an academic exercise that I want you to remember these three

01:10:04.520 --> 01:10:11.360
 characteristics of existence? No, that would be not quite a waste of our time, but

01:10:11.360 --> 01:10:17.340
 not all that helpful for the stated purpose of anybody's teaching, which is to

01:10:17.340 --> 01:10:23.240
 help us suffer less. That one you can tattoo on our arm. Buddhism, essentially, is

01:10:23.240 --> 01:10:26.760
 about only one thing. This is coordinated. Buddha, every great teacher in the last

01:10:26.760 --> 01:10:30.480
 twenty five hundred years. I do not put myself in that company, but I have a

01:10:30.480 --> 01:10:35.920
 little bit of skill to express some of it. Buddha Dharma is about suffering, the

01:10:35.920 --> 01:10:40.320
 cause of suffering, and the cessation of suffering. If it's not about the cause

01:10:40.320 --> 01:10:44.960
 of suffering and the cessation of suffering, it's not Buddha Dharma. It might be

01:10:44.960 --> 01:10:49.920
 somewhat helpful, but it's not Buddha Dharma. Ultimately, that's all the

01:10:49.920 --> 01:10:55.680
 Buddha was on about. Why do we suffer? What are the causes? How can we reduce

01:10:55.680 --> 01:11:00.000
 suffering? And how can we potentially? And literally, I'm not there yet, but

01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:09.120
 people have been get to where we don't suffer at all. Now, I'm going to tell a

01:11:09.120 --> 01:11:14.240
 personal story that may or may not bring some emotions up for me. So around two

01:11:14.240 --> 01:11:18.240
 weeks ago, some of us were at a four-day retreat with Lama Mark here in the

01:11:18.240 --> 01:11:25.040
 Naimo, beautiful and very auspicious and very wonderful. And during that low four-day

01:11:25.040 --> 01:11:30.440
 retreat, Lama Mark's got my teacher for 26 years, and we were talking and I knew

01:11:30.440 --> 01:11:34.080
 he was going to go out of Malaw, where he and his wife have a home, and where

01:11:34.080 --> 01:11:38.720
 he spends some time when he's not here a lot of the year, and then traveling

01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:43.560
 and teaching elsewhere a lot of the year. And another friend of mine who was

01:11:43.560 --> 01:11:47.320
 maybe going to come over to Naimo sent me a text that I actually don't think

01:11:47.320 --> 01:11:51.320
 I'm going to come because I'm going to go out of Malaw on Saturday, which was five

01:11:51.320 --> 01:11:55.680
 days from when she sent me the text. I said, "Oh, what are you doing? Go out of

01:11:55.680 --> 01:11:58.640
 Malaw?" She said, "Lama Mark's teaching a little retreat. I'm going to go." I said,

01:11:58.640 --> 01:11:59.640
 That sounds awesome.

01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:06.560
 mention it to llama. I'm like, "You should come." I'm like, "Yes, I should." So, I got a flight three

01:12:06.560 --> 01:12:11.640
 days before and counts with a lot of appointments and rearranged a lot of stuff to go to Guatemala

01:12:11.640 --> 01:12:17.120
 for a week, very lovely. It was lovely. I got there to my closest farmer friends were there and

01:12:17.120 --> 01:12:24.320
 we got to the center the first night, which was Tuesday, but we can have. And I had the first

01:12:24.320 --> 01:12:29.840
 class and it was lovely. And because of some logistics, I was still finishing up for work, having

01:12:29.840 --> 01:12:34.160
 love so quickly. At the end of the meditation class, I did something I don't normally do,

01:12:34.160 --> 01:12:38.640
 but it was the first night in the process of winding things down. I checked my phone. And there

01:12:38.640 --> 01:12:43.920
 was a message from my partner saying, "I need you to call me immediately." And when I called, I found out

01:12:43.920 --> 01:12:50.800
 that our beloved dog, Suka, which is a Buddhist word, which means happy joyful mind. Many of you

01:12:50.800 --> 01:12:57.280
 have been to my home. We've met this spotted dog. My partner got home that day and found her

01:12:57.280 --> 01:13:03.280
 unresponsive and in a coma. And then taken her to the vet. She'd been absolutely super, super

01:13:03.280 --> 01:13:09.120
 fine. Two hours a day of walks, happy eating, just happy happy happy. They think it was probably

01:13:09.120 --> 01:13:14.800
 a stroke. And he was at the vet and they were giving her meds and taking her vitals and trying to

01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:21.040
 figure out whether they could maybe bring her back. And I thankfully got the message. He'd asked

01:13:21.040 --> 01:13:25.680
 the vet and the tech to stay late saying, "I think if you can just wait, I think Cheryl will

01:13:25.680 --> 01:13:30.720
 see a message." And I think she'll be able to call us from Guatemala because our vets are

01:13:30.720 --> 01:13:35.840
 incredibly warm-hearted people. They stayed an hour after closing just in case. So I was able to

01:13:35.840 --> 01:13:41.120
 call, I was able to get caught up to speed and I was able to make a decision with my partner in

01:13:41.120 --> 01:13:47.920
 the vet until that soon could go. And I was able to be on the phone and talk to her as they put her

01:13:47.920 --> 01:13:54.080
 to sleep. Because we know humans under anesthetic and coma still hear things and I hope I believe

01:13:54.080 --> 01:13:59.840
 suited to. And then I got off the phone and I went into it.

01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:07.680
 supreme shock, because it was so sudden, right? She was a little bit, she was robustly ridiculously well.

01:14:07.680 --> 01:14:15.920
 And I share this because I was in meditation retreat and I then in the next 36 hours had

01:14:15.920 --> 01:14:20.800
 some experiences that were really helpful to help me go dive even deeper into a Nietzsche-Dukha

01:14:20.800 --> 01:14:26.320
 Ananta, these three characteristics of existence. So I talked to my partner, I passed out when

01:14:26.320 --> 01:14:31.600
 sleep for a couple hours, I woke up, that's when it kind of hit me because the shock had settled,

01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:37.120
 and I had a good cry about my beloved friend. And then the next day I got up and had class,

01:14:37.120 --> 01:14:43.280
 and Lama Mark asked me to teach the afternoon session, and I was a zombie and I have no idea what I

01:14:43.280 --> 01:14:47.600
 said, but apparently it was helpful, so thankfully something wiser than me took the mouthpiece that

01:14:47.600 --> 01:14:53.520
 day. But the experience in the body, just for that 24 hours and all the next day of being awake at

01:14:53.520 --> 01:14:59.840
 whatever, six in the morning until 10 at night, the body was in such suffering and shock. The mind

01:14:59.840 --> 01:15:07.280
 was sort of okay, like I am decent at this point in my practice of life at accepting the truth of

01:15:07.280 --> 01:15:15.360
 the first one that we all are impermanent and we all die. So mentally, conceptually, it was like

01:15:15.360 --> 01:15:26.480
 Suga's gone, that's not what I want, I kind of get it. But the body from the chin down was in

01:15:26.480 --> 01:15:33.040
 really weird shock. I haven't felt quite like that before. A lot of Dukha, a lot of suffering, a lot

01:15:33.040 --> 01:15:38.480
 of anxiety and just feeling kind of nauseated and just really, really, really weird. I know what

01:15:38.480 --> 01:15:44.240
 show this because I need a bunch of sympathy. You've all lost pets, humans. Thank you for having

01:15:44.240 --> 01:15:50.560
 some compassionate thoughts there while received, but my pain is not different, right? But what

01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:59.840
 I got to watch was the tendency of the being and the mind that next 24 hours, the next day, after she died.

01:16:00.000 --> 01:16:03.880
 was I ate for comfort.

01:16:03.880 --> 01:16:10.800
 So what the being in the mind wanted to do at a visceral level was fly home.

01:16:10.800 --> 01:16:16.760
 So I could be snuggled by my sweetheart, have one or two of my cats purring on me and the

01:16:16.760 --> 01:16:21.520
 other young dog cuddling me up and probably watch really stupid vampire movies and eat

01:16:21.520 --> 01:16:23.720
 a lot of ice cream.

01:16:23.720 --> 01:16:26.200
 And it was such a long move for comfort.

01:16:26.200 --> 01:16:29.000
 Now that's not weird or bad.

01:16:29.000 --> 01:16:32.560
 But because I was in retreat and because I valued the government, I value my teacher and

01:16:32.560 --> 01:16:33.560
 I value retreat.

01:16:33.560 --> 01:16:36.600
 I wasn't going to leave early.

01:16:36.600 --> 01:16:39.040
 And so I knew I was staying for another five days.

01:16:39.040 --> 01:16:43.560
 And so, and I was meditating and I was in class and I was leading meditation.

01:16:43.560 --> 01:16:49.320
 And so I got to sit with the three characteristics of existence and observe them as they

01:16:49.320 --> 01:16:54.280
 kind of tried to gobble up my well-being.

01:16:54.280 --> 01:16:59.920
 I watched the ache and the truth of an each and not just with each breath that arose

01:16:59.920 --> 01:17:07.120
 and died, arose and died, but with my friend dying, my falling in friend dying.

01:17:07.120 --> 01:17:10.960
 And because I wasn't at home, or I'm pretty sure I would have curled up and got hugs

01:17:10.960 --> 01:17:14.640
 and eaten ice cream and snuggled and you know, just kind of checked out from the world

01:17:14.640 --> 01:17:18.920
 for a day or two, which is not bad at all.

01:17:18.920 --> 01:17:22.680
 Instead I sat with it, I witnessed it because I wasn't going to skip class and I wasn't

01:17:22.680 --> 01:17:26.680
 going to say, no, I'm not going to teach a session and I wasn't going to go curl up in

01:17:26.680 --> 01:17:31.520
 my room and do those things and struggle some random persons or any.

01:17:31.520 --> 01:17:34.000
 I was going to sit with it.

01:17:34.000 --> 01:17:40.440
 But the body was in such shock, the body was in such duka, such suffering, such clinging.

01:17:40.440 --> 01:17:46.760
 But the mind was like, I know she's gone and although it sucks, I know it's okay.

01:17:46.760 --> 01:17:52.840
 So I sat with it effectively, I wiped knuckle it, I didn't seek comfort in the odd cup of

01:17:52.840 --> 01:17:59.200
 chamomel tea and I tried to notice the beauty of the Guatemalan landscape in the flowers

01:17:59.200 --> 01:18:00.040
 And I went.

01:18:00.000 --> 01:18:05.360
 the motions of this is beautiful and that was a nice meal, my friends made me food that day

01:18:05.360 --> 01:18:12.160
 because I wasn't really really like cooking. And it was this weird disconnect between what the

01:18:12.160 --> 01:18:19.600
 mind knew and what the body was grieving due to clinging. Don't worry it gets better. The next day

01:18:19.600 --> 01:18:24.560
 I woke up and there was this real sense of calm and there was a sense of interestingly, my god's

01:18:24.560 --> 01:18:31.360
 name as I mentioned was Suka which means gentle happy joy mind. And there was a sense of openness

01:18:31.360 --> 01:18:38.800
 and a sense of calm and a sense of love. And I actually felt at much of that second day really good

01:18:38.800 --> 01:18:46.160
 eventually in a motion. Calm and happy and open and aware she wasn't no longer in human form.

01:18:46.160 --> 01:18:53.760
 She'd been sent for cremation. We usually bury our pets but she's kind of big as it gets the law.

01:18:54.560 --> 01:18:59.040
 I don't mind so much but the small ones told me to study the cremator and it was that was kind of

01:18:59.040 --> 01:19:02.640
 funny because if that's like oh do you want an urn or like no I just put it in a bag or whatever we could

01:19:02.640 --> 01:19:08.320
 just scatter her and she's she's impermanent and scatter some of her in maple bay which is also

01:19:08.320 --> 01:19:13.840
 against law. Okay don't repeat this. I'm gonna scatter some of her favorite walk here and some of

01:19:13.840 --> 01:19:18.560
 her favorite walk there and then what we go on those walks well remember we'll remember anyway.

01:19:19.120 --> 01:19:26.400
 But the the point I'm trying to make is that what we want to do in meditation very often

01:19:26.400 --> 01:19:32.880
 is feel calm. We want to feel good. We don't want to look at the impermanence very much.

01:19:32.880 --> 01:19:38.000
 We don't want to look at the duke very much. Many of us myself included and it's not bad

01:19:38.000 --> 01:19:43.840
 but it's not freedom. Many of us meditate to feel better and it often takes a really long time

01:19:43.840 --> 01:19:50.960
 a minute until you feel better but the Buddha was very clear that's not liberation. It's not bad.

01:19:50.960 --> 01:19:56.880
 It's good to develop your mind so it can be calmer and happier but you've got to face the three

01:19:56.880 --> 01:19:57.760
 characteristics of existence if you want to be free. You've got to face the three characteristics of

01:19:57.760 --> 01:19:59.920
 existence if you want to be free.

01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.400
 You've got to notice everything crumbles, everything ends.

01:20:04.400 --> 01:20:09.920
 You've got to explore and really look at the dukka of life, and you've got to look at

01:20:09.920 --> 01:20:15.940
 the non-self part that we're kind of putting aside for now, because it's kind of tricky.

01:20:15.940 --> 01:20:20.200
 I feel so grateful that Suka died when I was on retreat.

01:20:20.200 --> 01:20:24.840
 I would have preferred to have been here in a older, but that wasn't what happened, and

01:20:24.840 --> 01:20:29.720
 because I was in retreat and I wasn't going to run from retreat or let my teacher down,

01:20:29.720 --> 01:20:31.240
 I stayed with it.

01:20:31.240 --> 01:20:37.860
 Instead of seeking comfort, I stayed with it, I witnessed it, I experienced it, I allowed

01:20:37.860 --> 01:20:46.520
 it to move through, and within 24 short hours, there was a lot of joy, and a lot of calm,

01:20:46.520 --> 01:20:52.720
 and it felt very good, and there really hasn't been grief since.

01:20:52.720 --> 01:20:57.840
 This is why studying Dharma is helpful, it's very practical.

01:20:57.840 --> 01:21:03.400
 Wouldn't you prefer that when things change, when bad things happen, when things you

01:21:03.400 --> 01:21:07.280
 don't want to have happen happen because of the first characteristic of existence, and

01:21:07.280 --> 01:21:12.880
 it's them, reality, which is everything changes, that maybe you get sucker punched in your

01:21:12.880 --> 01:21:18.880
 body and physiology for a day, and then the mind is okay, and the heart accepts the loss

01:21:18.880 --> 01:21:21.840
 and the change and the truth of number one.

01:21:21.840 --> 01:21:26.280
 The mind knows that life has duke it in it and it sucks, but you can move through it,

01:21:26.280 --> 01:21:30.920
 like waves tossing you around, and there's calm sailing at some point for a while till

01:21:30.920 --> 01:21:39.120
 the next waves, and that you are to you, but even the you that feels like you is really

01:21:39.120 --> 01:21:46.440
 going to be okay, till you're not, and then you're dead, and as best I know you're okay

01:21:46.440 --> 01:21:53.960
 after that, you're really not a you, I don't know, maybe there's something else, I don't

01:21:53.960 --> 01:21:59.000
 know, but I kind of figure you're there and then you're not, but you were never there to

01:21:59.000 --> 01:22:00.000
 start with.

01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:07.440
 So, thank you for any kind thoughts about Dior Sukas, especially the many of you who've

01:22:07.440 --> 01:22:14.120
 been wagged at, nuzzled and snuggled and licked, and had dog hair rubbed over you, and

01:22:14.120 --> 01:22:19.240
 we come to my classroom garden, come to my home.

01:22:19.240 --> 01:22:24.080
 And it's very personal to share, and again, I'm not sharing it because I need anything.

01:22:24.080 --> 01:22:28.840
 I'm sharing it because it was a beautiful, felt experience, just about a week and a half

01:22:28.840 --> 01:22:36.680
 ago, of the power of the Dharma, when the poop hits the fan, and the power of staying

01:22:36.680 --> 01:22:41.440
 with it instead of seeking comfort all the time, again, seeking comfort can be wholesome

01:22:41.440 --> 01:22:45.960
 and beautiful, please don't think you have to like, "Oh, I just can't accept any comfort.

01:22:45.960 --> 01:22:49.200
 I've got a stuff for all the time that's not what I'm saying."

01:22:49.200 --> 01:22:56.280
 But I am very certain from that experience that the movement of grace of settling out of

01:22:56.280 --> 01:23:00.240
 the grief so quickly happened because I stayed with it.

01:23:00.240 --> 01:23:04.480
 And then if I'd gone for cuddles and ice cream and vampire movies and cats and dogs snuggling

01:23:04.480 --> 01:23:10.360
 me, that would have definitely helped, it would have felt comforting and nice.

01:23:10.360 --> 01:23:14.280
 But I would have been shying away from the truth of impermanence.

01:23:14.280 --> 01:23:17.680
 I would have been shying away from the truth and the experience of Duka.

01:23:17.680 --> 01:23:23.920
 I would have been sugar-coating it for a while, literally, Ben and Jerry's.

01:23:23.920 --> 01:23:29.640
 But I would have gone away, it would come back, it would go high again, and maybe the grief

01:23:29.640 --> 01:23:34.600
 would have lasted a week, or three, or six, or forever.

01:23:34.600 --> 01:23:41.440
 So I chose to tell the story in the hopes that it brings some thoughtfulness to each

01:23:41.440 --> 01:23:48.320
 of us here, each of you listening, that what would it be to do ironically what the Buddha

01:23:48.320 --> 01:23:54.400
 tells us to do, which is to watch the rise and fall, to watch the beginnings in the end,

01:23:54.400 --> 01:23:59.960
 to experience that everything falls apart, to really penetrate with insight, which I'll

01:24:00.000 --> 01:24:02.540
 We'll talk more about next talk.

01:24:02.540 --> 01:24:04.840
 The truth of the rot is in trouble.

01:24:04.840 --> 01:24:07.400
 We understand we're all gonna die.

01:24:07.400 --> 01:24:09.680
 Unless we're pretty dumb, we understand

01:24:09.680 --> 01:24:11.640
 when we share our life with an animal,

01:24:11.640 --> 01:24:14.240
 a cat or a dog, a little limited to now,

01:24:14.240 --> 01:24:16.720
 that we probably have 10 to 20 years,

01:24:16.720 --> 01:24:19.640
 closer to the 12 to 15, probably before the death.

01:24:19.640 --> 01:24:20.980
 We get it.

01:24:20.980 --> 01:24:24.080
 We're like, "Oh my God, I thought we'd all live for 100 years."

01:24:24.080 --> 01:24:26.280
 Like, we know.

01:24:27.840 --> 01:24:31.800
 But we don't act as though it's real, right?

01:24:31.800 --> 01:24:36.240
 So staying with it, let me circle back to breath meditation.

01:24:36.240 --> 01:24:37.680
 Yes, they are linked.

01:24:37.680 --> 01:24:40.800
 'Cause you think I'm on a wild tangent.

01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:41.640
 Maybe I am.

01:24:41.640 --> 01:24:47.240
 Watching the breath be born in an inhale,

01:24:47.240 --> 01:24:50.600
 live its life in between and die on an exhale.

01:24:50.600 --> 01:24:56.680
 Over and over and over and over again

01:24:56.680 --> 01:24:58.920
 is we're cursing in permanence.

01:24:58.920 --> 01:25:01.280
 It's rehearsing the first characteristic.

01:25:01.280 --> 01:25:05.000
 And unless you're extra, super special,

01:25:05.000 --> 01:25:07.080
 sitting in meditation for an hour,

01:25:07.080 --> 01:25:11.200
 doing just that, observing the rising and the dying,

01:25:11.200 --> 01:25:14.320
 the birthing and the ceasing,

01:25:14.320 --> 01:25:16.360
 the arising and the falling.

01:25:16.360 --> 01:25:18.040
 Also, you usually have some dukka

01:25:18.040 --> 01:25:20.160
 some of the time in that hour.

01:25:20.160 --> 01:25:23.240
 Your leg falls asleep and it's really quite painful.

01:25:23.240 --> 01:25:25.840
 You're worrying so much about that stupid thing

01:25:25.840 --> 01:25:27.000
 you said to someone yesterday

01:25:27.000 --> 01:25:29.240
 that you're really regretting and you're obsessing about.

01:25:29.240 --> 01:25:32.600
 And it's really, it is very much dukka, it's very painful.

01:25:32.600 --> 01:25:36.040
 Or you're just noticing this exhausted, awful, sluggish,

01:25:36.040 --> 01:25:38.880
 negative tone to the mind and it hurts.

01:25:38.880 --> 01:25:41.160
 Or you're writing your novel in your head

01:25:41.160 --> 01:25:44.320
 and completely unable to pay attention to the breath.

01:25:44.320 --> 01:25:47.680
 In that beautifully crafted teaching of mindfulness

01:25:47.680 --> 01:25:51.320
 of breath, Anapana Sadhi, is the arising and the falling,

01:25:51.320 --> 01:25:53.960
 is the dukka, it's the study.

01:25:53.960 --> 01:25:57.480
 And there is the non-self trickier.

01:25:57.480 --> 01:25:59.840
 But many of you.

01:26:00.000 --> 01:26:03.840
 many if not all of you, whether you're brand new or you've been doing this for decades,

01:26:03.840 --> 01:26:09.360
 have been in meditation, where for a few seconds or a minute or two or three, you don't really

01:26:09.360 --> 01:26:15.040
 notice it necessarily, excuse me, while it's happening, you notice when you come out of it,

01:26:15.040 --> 01:26:20.960
 where things kind of fall away and there isn't really a sense of, "I'm Shelley and I'm meditating."

01:26:20.960 --> 01:26:29.920
 There's more of a sense of just open mind and it's not a sense of me meditating.

01:26:30.400 --> 01:26:36.640
 And it dissolves or it lessens or it softens or it falls away for a breath or two or an hour or two.

01:26:36.640 --> 01:26:41.280
 It can certainly be an hour or two or more. And then there's kind of a, "Oh,

01:26:41.280 --> 01:26:45.760
 often what we think is we don't have much to compare it to is did I fall asleep?"

01:26:45.760 --> 01:26:51.520
 Because in our regular human experience, when we fall asleep for a nap or at night time,

01:26:51.520 --> 01:26:58.080
 that's the only real chance we get to be feeling like ourselves and then knocking them like

01:26:58.080 --> 01:27:04.160
 ourselves. Right? Like two minutes out of your sleep, you're not there anymore, unless something

01:27:04.160 --> 01:27:09.120
 wakes you up. So, in meditation, by the way, sometimes you absolutely are falling asleep,

01:27:09.120 --> 01:27:17.440
 but other times you sort of go somewhere, you don't. You kind of don't exist for a few breaths

01:27:17.440 --> 01:27:22.560
 or five minutes and then you kind of exist again, anything? Did it fall asleep? Did I nod off?

01:27:24.320 --> 01:27:30.160
 That's an experience in meditation of this self. It's kind of held together with barbed wire and glue.

01:27:30.160 --> 01:27:36.240
 The barbed wire and the glue dissipates and the five heaps fall into them self. We could talk

01:27:36.240 --> 01:27:40.640
 about that another time. And there isn't a sense of Cheryl meditating. There's just

01:27:40.640 --> 01:27:47.360
 being and then it's like, "Oh, I'm back."

01:27:50.240 --> 01:27:56.480
 This little sprinkle, a fairy dust about the third one of, it's called Anata. I don't think I

01:27:56.480 --> 01:28:00.000
 defined it tonight by its Polyward Anata, A-N-A-T-T.

01:28:00.000 --> 01:28:08.880
 a non-self. If we could loosen our stranglehold on the sense of me being important to

01:28:08.880 --> 01:28:14.160
 me needing stuff and me needing to be protected, we would suffer less. If we could accept the

01:28:14.160 --> 01:28:19.440
 truth of change, including death of loved ones, we would suffer less. And if we could accept the

01:28:19.440 --> 01:28:26.400
 duke as part of the deal and freak out about it less, the duke will pass more easily.

01:28:29.520 --> 01:28:34.400
 If I had spent much time, I spent two or three or four minutes and then I stopped the

01:28:34.400 --> 01:28:39.760
 mind from doing it. In the following narrative, if I hadn't come to go out of mala, I would have been

01:28:39.760 --> 01:28:47.040
 home today. Richard was at work. Maybe I would have seen her get sick and maybe I could

01:28:47.040 --> 01:28:54.240
 arrest her to the vet. Maybe she wouldn't have died. If only they hadn't stopped for kombucha,

01:28:54.240 --> 01:29:01.040
 they wouldn't have been at that stop sign and been killed. It's absolutely pointless because they're

01:29:01.040 --> 01:29:08.720
 gone and trying to think what if, and if only, and if it had been different, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe

01:29:08.720 --> 01:29:18.480
 is just mega suffering. Keep on top of this simple, bad enough duke of change, of ending.

01:29:21.600 --> 01:29:31.200
 So, there's good news to hope this. The more we live in alignment with the truth of change,

01:29:31.200 --> 01:29:36.320
 the more we live in acceptance, which is not giving up, that there will be some duke up.

01:29:36.320 --> 01:29:45.920
 The more we hang on to the sense of me needing stuff to be happy, the more ease we can have,

01:29:45.920 --> 01:29:54.560
 the more we can dance with the changes of life, the ups, the downs, the goods, the bads,

01:29:54.560 --> 01:29:59.680
 the dreadful things, the joys. We can flow better with the truth of them in this

01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.200
 There's a book somewhere called something like this great messy,

01:30:03.200 --> 01:30:07.440
 wonderful life. I like that phrase. This great, messy,

01:30:07.440 --> 01:30:12.000
 wonderful life that brings joys and sorrows and gives with one hand and takes away

01:30:12.000 --> 01:30:16.160
 with another, the more we can dance with it, dancing with life is the name of

01:30:16.160 --> 01:30:18.800
 another book, which is a Dharma book by Philip Moffitt, which you should

01:30:18.800 --> 01:30:23.520
 already get to awesome. Dancing with life, Philip Moffitt.

01:30:23.520 --> 01:30:29.440
 The more we can dance with life, the less it'll hurt. Some of it will suck,

01:30:29.440 --> 01:30:35.440
 but we don't have to let the succubid suck us down, right?

01:30:35.440 --> 01:30:40.800
 There's good news here, which is the more we accept the truth of the way things

01:30:40.800 --> 01:30:45.840
 are, the more we can dance. The more we can enjoy that little sliver that

01:30:45.840 --> 01:30:49.840
 something hung in this guide, and right, that was so beautiful

01:30:49.840 --> 01:30:53.360
 on the way to class, that was inspiring. It was just a moment

01:30:53.360 --> 01:31:01.520
 of beauty, a moment of simplicity, and we took a moment to pause and notice it.

01:31:01.520 --> 01:31:06.880
 This is part of life, too.

01:31:06.880 --> 01:31:10.720
 You know, another part of life, because I don't want to leave you all depressed about

01:31:10.720 --> 01:31:17.120
 my dog. I have another dog. She's one year old now. She's very silly.

01:31:17.120 --> 01:31:21.440
 And as you may know, as locals, many of you, maybe not so much online,

01:31:21.440 --> 01:31:25.440
 but if Victoria Airport dogs are allowed, so if you go pick someone up

01:31:25.440 --> 01:31:28.480
 from an airplane in Victoria, you can take a dog in.

01:31:28.480 --> 01:31:33.120
 So I get home mid-night after a long travel day.

01:31:33.120 --> 01:31:36.000
 My flight out of the watermall got canceled an hour before it left.

01:31:36.000 --> 01:31:38.320
 I'm looking at the airplane. They said, "Oh, they're all canceled.

01:31:38.320 --> 01:31:41.280
 We'll give you a money pack." I mean, what? "Oh, I need to go home."

01:31:41.280 --> 01:31:43.680
 And there was another plane right there, Air Canada,

01:31:43.680 --> 01:31:47.760
 that my friends were getting on to go to Montreal. I was supposed to fly to LA.

01:31:47.760 --> 01:31:51.120
 I got on that plane. I got to Montreal. They got me to Vancouver.

01:31:51.120 --> 01:31:55.520
 They got me home. 45 minutes before my original canceled plane.

01:31:55.520 --> 01:31:59.360
 And when I walked out, a little tired and battered and tired.

01:31:59.360 --> 01:32:01.920
 Ed.

01:32:00.000 --> 01:32:07.760
 ten past midnight but a week ago there was my partner and there was my young dog when my young dog

01:32:07.760 --> 01:32:15.360
 saw me she freaked the freak out I mean she went insane with joy she almost turned herself

01:32:15.360 --> 01:32:27.120
 inside out she's always glad to see us but it was like you know there's also that in life

01:32:27.920 --> 01:32:32.160
 there's also that in life and if I'd walked out at ten past midnight last Sunday night

01:32:32.160 --> 01:32:39.120
 circus gone circus gone zuko i would have been hi other dog and said my heart like the first

01:32:39.120 --> 01:32:46.240
 open with the joy and wonder of being alive simple note to all pet owners if you got an old one

01:32:46.240 --> 01:32:50.480
 get a young one i always do i don't want to be dogless there's always another one

01:32:54.320 --> 01:33:01.680
 so no one here gets out alive no one here gets out without there being some pains suffering and

01:33:01.680 --> 01:33:09.760
 sometimes terrible terrible tragic awful things happening school shootings horrors

01:33:09.760 --> 01:33:19.840
 do we give up eat hogandoffs and watch vampire movies maybe for a couple days and maybe that's

01:33:19.840 --> 01:33:26.320
 okay and then we put the hogandoffs away we turn off the vampire movies and we get up

01:33:26.320 --> 01:33:32.160
 and we open the curtains and we look at the moon and we bow to do it all over again

01:33:32.160 --> 01:33:40.480
 so on that note let's sit together for just two or three minutes two or three minutes let

01:33:43.040 --> 01:33:52.000
 let the impermanence in the duka and the fabulous news that you're not who and what you think you

01:33:52.000 --> 01:33:58.080
 are you're much much wiser and you're actually a fully awake Buddha you just got a few glitches in

01:33:58.080 --> 01:34:00.080
 the way temporary

01:34:00.000 --> 01:34:06.560
 which is temporary clouds over the moon. And just for a few minutes, let's notice our breath

01:34:06.560 --> 01:34:15.280
 being born in this single inhale, living its life in the gap in between

01:34:15.280 --> 01:34:21.840
 and dying never to be seen or felt again on the exhale.

01:34:24.000 --> 01:34:32.960
 And then slip that and make it all the more precious.

01:34:54.000 --> 01:34:56.000
 [coughing]

01:35:24.000 --> 01:35:26.000
 [coughing]

01:35:54.000 --> 01:35:58.000
 [coughing]

01:36:00.000 --> 01:36:02.660
 (bells chiming)

01:36:02.660 --> 01:36:17.280
 (bells chiming)

01:36:30.160 --> 01:36:33.000
 (bells chiming)

01:36:33.000 --> 01:36:45.920
 And in a moment, we'll close with what's called

01:36:45.920 --> 01:36:47.320
 the dedication of merit.

01:36:47.320 --> 01:36:51.000
 I begin with an aspiration, we close with a dedication,

01:36:51.000 --> 01:36:53.440
 just a few logistic notes before that.

01:36:53.440 --> 01:36:58.440
 And as I mentioned, in about 10 days and Sunday March 1st

01:36:58.440 --> 01:37:01.760
 we're having a day-long retreat here.

01:37:01.760 --> 01:37:05.160
 Do some meditation, I'll give some more meditation instructions.

01:37:05.160 --> 01:37:06.840
 Give me a chance for some Q&A

01:37:06.840 --> 01:37:08.880
 and a chance to speak with me privately

01:37:08.880 --> 01:37:11.680
 or in small groups if that's helpful.

01:37:11.680 --> 01:37:13.760
 Feel free to join us.

01:37:13.760 --> 01:37:16.440
 If you're probably on the newsletter list,

01:37:16.440 --> 01:37:19.360
 we'll resend out the instructions in the next day or two.

01:37:19.360 --> 01:37:21.280
 We being the whole (laughs)

01:37:21.280 --> 01:37:22.980
 the Royal League.

01:37:22.980 --> 01:37:27.360
 And it's gonna normal for you just to cover the rental

01:37:27.360 --> 01:37:29.240
 of the hall and bring your lunch.

01:37:29.240 --> 01:37:31.240
 And we'll give you a few more instructions

01:37:31.240 --> 01:37:32.320
 of what to bring.

01:37:32.320 --> 01:37:35.120
 And we'll practice together and continue to deepen

01:37:35.120 --> 01:37:37.360
 the Dharma and the practice in between the longer

01:37:37.360 --> 01:37:38.880
 or the weekend retreats.

01:37:38.880 --> 01:37:43.400
 In terms of these classes, there's four more scheduled.

01:37:43.400 --> 01:37:45.580
 There are little sporadic duties of travel

01:37:45.580 --> 01:37:47.320
 and commitments I have.

01:37:47.320 --> 01:37:49.480
 Well, we're here again in two weeks as the next one.

01:37:49.480 --> 01:37:50.880
 And I think there's two weeks we're not.

01:37:50.880 --> 01:37:52.480
 And then there's three Thursdays in a row.

01:37:52.480 --> 01:37:54.080
 We'll be there after that before I leave

01:37:54.080 --> 01:37:56.600
 for a couple weeks at the end of April.

01:37:56.600 --> 01:38:00.040
 So I hope to see you here, or here, if that one...

01:38:00.000 --> 01:38:05.040
 for you. The next class I'm going to continue a bit on this theme from the

01:38:05.040 --> 01:38:09.960
 meditation side. We're going to talk about meditating for calm and and good

01:38:09.960 --> 01:38:14.120
 states which has value, samata concentration, and I'm going to talk about the

01:38:14.120 --> 01:38:18.600
 insight meditation side as well, and I'll refer back a bit to the themes from

01:38:18.600 --> 01:38:24.080
 this evening. If you'd like to support island Dharma with a couple of dollars or

01:38:24.080 --> 01:38:27.840
 coins in your pocket to go towards rental in the hall, not required but always

01:38:27.840 --> 01:38:32.680
 appreciated. It's I think $60 a night to rent the hall. Those of you online

01:38:32.680 --> 01:38:38.520
 happy to accept any dana or offerings you have for island Dharma. You can do so

01:38:38.520 --> 01:38:42.000
 online. It's generally at the bottom of every newsletter if you want to remind

01:38:42.000 --> 01:38:46.280
 you of how to make an offering if you're so moved to do so it's not required. And if

01:38:46.280 --> 01:38:50.220
 you'd like to support the teacher, cover your best money, your dana books or

01:38:50.220 --> 01:38:55.520
 whatever, always also appreciated. You can leave an offering in the back of the room or

01:38:55.520 --> 01:39:00.680
 online or just simply practice and take what you've learned and apply it and

01:39:00.680 --> 01:39:06.520
 move through the world more like a dance or instead of a victim of certain

01:39:06.520 --> 01:39:11.560
 stance. Because life isn't happening to us. Life's just happening and it's

01:39:11.560 --> 01:39:19.120
 nothing to do with us. Weird huh? As it sure feels like it does. Alright so a

01:39:19.120 --> 01:39:24.080
 dedication of merit is where effectively we take kind of the good intentions

01:39:24.080 --> 01:39:28.960
 we've all spent some of your most one of your most precious commodities which

01:39:28.960 --> 01:39:34.040
 is your time and attention to be at this class virtually or together and we

01:39:34.040 --> 01:39:37.920
 want to kind of gather up those good intentions. The wish to suffer less. We're

01:39:37.920 --> 01:39:41.720
 all here I suspect for different reasons but the through line is we'd like to

01:39:41.720 --> 01:39:45.640
 suffer less. We'd like to learn more about our mind. We'd like to lower our

01:39:45.640 --> 01:39:51.000
 anxiety. We'd like to be able to focus better. We'd like to understand the nature

01:39:51.000 --> 01:39:56.460
 of the world. Whatever it is it's effectively we'd like to suffer less. It's an

01:39:56.460 --> 01:40:01.960
 excellent motivation. So we're gonna gather up those good intentions.

01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.680
 and practice and listening, and we're going to share it with our self and all of being because we

01:40:05.680 --> 01:40:13.360
 don't want it to be about me, me, me all the time. So by the merit of this strengthening activity,

01:40:13.360 --> 01:40:18.640
 of listening to the Dharma and thinking about our minds, our hearts, and listening to the three

01:40:18.640 --> 01:40:24.080
 characteristics of existence may there be a reduction in our suffering. May we move more smooth,

01:40:24.080 --> 01:40:30.800
 we threw the ups and downs of life. May we develop more compassion, more kindness, and more wisdom.

01:40:30.800 --> 01:40:34.160
 May it be so.

01:40:34.160 --> 01:40:44.640
 Thank you for spending some time with us, and be wise and careful on the driver, walk for

01:40:44.640 --> 01:40:53.440
 a cycle home and see if you can see the move. And then don't cling to it. Just enjoy it.

01:41:10.480 --> 01:41:16.720
 And thanks again to Neil for all these wonderful support. Those of you not in the room, he's got

01:41:16.720 --> 01:41:23.200
 cameras and tripods and computers and cords, and he carries it all in and carries it all out

01:41:23.200 --> 01:41:33.200
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