WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.600
 >> Excellent. Hello. What's happening here? We have a different camera.

00:00:06.600 --> 00:00:15.400
 >> Oh, that's everything's going to get seasick. I move a lot. I do a lot. This is a very serious

00:00:15.400 --> 00:00:21.640
 class. Smart now. Welcome everybody online. Welcome everybody in the room. New friends

00:00:21.640 --> 00:00:27.440
 and friends we haven't seen for a while. I love to have so many of you here together

00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:36.920
 and we're very happy to have our dear friend, her son has joined us this evening. Lovely

00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:44.560
 to see you. And Sonny was a stalwart member of this group and very, very special being.

00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:50.920
 We still miss not in a clinging way but in his celebration of her warmth and her kindness

00:00:50.920 --> 00:00:57.600
 and her humor and how she took Dharma to the bus and she took Dharma to the Starbucks

00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:04.720
 and her part of her practice was just to be kind to the person she was serving who maybe

00:01:04.720 --> 00:01:12.200
 weren't always, I'm guessing, kind back, not always. And we love her very much and all

00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:19.600
 benefited by her kindness and generosity to the Dharma and to this group. So, we don't know.

00:01:19.600 --> 00:01:33.560
 Remember, it's of someone we love very much. So, we shall begin.

00:01:33.560 --> 00:01:51.920
 I'm sending an aspiration for the sake of all beings. May we cultivate wisdom and compassion.

00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:59.240
 May we be kind. Move your elbows. Because everything you've met is fighting if everyone

00:01:59.240 --> 00:02:00.120
 you meet is--

00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:05.120
 fighting a battle that you know nothing about. This is on Neil's t-shirt for those of you who've

00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:11.200
 just joined us and want a beautiful message. Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a battle,

00:02:11.200 --> 00:02:12.160
 you know nothing about.

00:02:12.160 --> 00:02:24.000
 So this evening we'll start with a meditation. And tonight's theme of the talk and our practice

00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:32.080
 is going to be patience. Patience, the cultivation of patience, I think an underrated teaching in a way

00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:38.400
 in the Buddhist lexicon and the Buddhist teachings. There's the teachings of the six parameter,

00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:45.360
 or the six perfections, which if we translate into regular language, six qualities of mind,

00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:53.600
 things we do think and cultivate. That we take as perfections, like as trainings, right,

00:02:53.600 --> 00:02:59.440
 because to be perfect is not possible. So we train in these six areas, I'll mention them briefly

00:02:59.440 --> 00:03:04.640
 tonight and I'm going to focus on number three usually on the list, which is patience. And again,

00:03:04.640 --> 00:03:11.120
 I think it's kind of like the neglected stepchild in some term and talks. Patience, you know,

00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:18.320
 meditation gets a lot of the sexy talks and ethics gets a lot of the sexy talks and diligence,

00:03:18.320 --> 00:03:23.280
 effort, you know, tightening that guitar string and tightening your practice.

00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:29.520
 Absolutely brilliant. But patience, I'm going to put forward this evening.

00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:36.720
 We neglect in our peril. And while we practice patience, we will be happier.

00:03:36.720 --> 00:03:44.240
 We really truly will. And I have a few stories to tell from my last 24 hours when perhaps

00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:51.440
 my patience was tested and perhaps I failed and how that makes the mind feel. So I guess

00:03:51.440 --> 00:03:57.440
 that's preview of coming attractions this evening. So with that in mind, the idea of patience

00:03:59.040 --> 00:04:00.080
 We'll practice together.

00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:06.720
 together this evening, around 20, 30 minutes, something like that.

00:04:06.720 --> 00:04:11.960
 And the quality I've just dropped in and I'll emphasize is, can you bring patience to

00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:14.480
 the mind this evening?

00:04:14.480 --> 00:04:20.920
 If possibly through the practice, the mind isn't being particularly obedient.

00:04:20.920 --> 00:04:26.680
 The mind may have, quote, unquote, a mind of its own and may not focus on what it's

00:04:26.680 --> 00:04:32.600
 asked to focus on, maybe sleepy or bored or anxious or think, this is silly, I don't

00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:37.720
 agree with what the weird lady is saying, which is completely fine to think that and even

00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:40.400
 for that to be true, that's okay.

00:04:40.400 --> 00:04:45.160
 But let's look at, and I'll drop in a couple of reminders through our sit.

00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:51.440
 I'll say, are you something like, are you patient in this very moment?

00:04:51.440 --> 00:04:59.400
 Now here's a clue, if you're waiting for something to happen, you're out of patience.

00:04:59.400 --> 00:05:05.520
 Because patience is more or less, I'm going to put forward the opposite of waiting for something

00:05:05.520 --> 00:05:11.600
 to happen, waiting for something to happen is like a leaning forward into.

00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:15.160
 I want something other than this.

00:05:15.160 --> 00:05:18.360
 I'm waiting for the show to start.

00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:23.080
 I'm waiting for the dentist to call me in, maybe with trepidation.

00:05:23.080 --> 00:05:28.000
 I'm waiting for my traffic light to turn green.

00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:31.720
 I'm waiting to hear back as to whether I got the job.

00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:33.800
 It's leaning forward into the future.

00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:35.880
 Now is that a bad or a foolish thing?

00:05:35.880 --> 00:05:41.000
 Not necessarily, but for the purpose of what I want you to contemplate this evening?

00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:46.120
 When we're leaning forward into the future, when we're waiting for something other than

00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:47.920
 this, capital letters.

00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:54.320
 Other than this, we are at least to a small degree to satisfy.

00:05:54.320 --> 00:05:59.320
 Because if we're just yummy, cozy, really satisfied with this present moment, we're not

00:05:59.320 --> 00:06:02.000
 waiting for it.

00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:08.240
 thing. That's maybe a fairly uncommon state for a lot of our minds. Even when

00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:12.760
 things are great, you're really enjoying, I don't know, uh, sitting watching the

00:06:12.760 --> 00:06:17.440
 moon and the temperature's really nice and stars are around. Maybe your dog's

00:06:17.440 --> 00:06:23.400
 snuggle up on your hip and it's just lovely. Are you really completely at ease

00:06:23.400 --> 00:06:29.640
 with this? Sometimes yes. I would argue and the Buddha who's a lot wiser than I by

00:06:29.640 --> 00:06:36.400
 millions would argue in that moment of not wanting anything else but this, there

00:06:36.400 --> 00:06:44.240
 is no suffering. Think about that. If we are completely content with this,

00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:49.440
 whatever this is, good, bad, or ugly, if we're not waiting for something else or

00:06:49.440 --> 00:06:53.240
 wanting something else or moving away from the parts of this we don't like

00:06:53.240 --> 00:06:58.720
 maybe our bum's getting cold on that icy bench. If we're just fine with the

00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:04.640
 way it is, there is no suffering in those moments. This is really important. So

00:07:04.640 --> 00:07:08.760
 that's why I'm bringing this concept tonight of patience. We're going to practice

00:07:08.760 --> 00:07:12.280
 patience right now. You may be practicing patience with me not getting to the

00:07:12.280 --> 00:07:20.960
 meditation yet. We're going to practice patience and then I really implore you to

00:07:20.960 --> 00:07:26.960
 take the teaching out after this talk and practice patience this week. Notice

00:07:26.960 --> 00:07:31.240
 when impatience arises. Notice when impatient leads to some suffering as

00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:36.360
 happened to me last night. In one of those stories that doesn't make me look

00:07:36.360 --> 00:07:44.640
 very good but hello suffer for your benefit. So this evening we'll continue

00:07:44.640 --> 00:07:49.840
 with mostly what I've been focusing on. The Buddha taught 42 classical

00:07:49.840 --> 00:07:54.960
 meditations. One of them was meditation on the breath Anapanasati. And for the

00:07:54.960 --> 00:07:59.360
 last couple of classes and for the day-long retreat we shared a lot of us on

00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:01.920
 Sunday.

00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:03.080
 We've been focusing on breath practice.

00:08:03.080 --> 00:08:05.360
 So I'm going to continue that focus this evening.

00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:07.160
 It won't be every single class.

00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:08.960
 We've got three classes coming up.

00:08:08.960 --> 00:08:10.520
 I'm not here the next two Thursdays then.

00:08:10.520 --> 00:08:11.720
 We've got three in a row.

00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:14.520
 I'll do some open awareness practice then as well.

00:08:14.520 --> 00:08:18.000
 But tonight, because it's possible

00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:22.560
 that meditation on the breath may for a number of us,

00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:24.000
 probably a majority,

00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:28.040
 be a place the mind might get a little more impatient.

00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:29.080
 This isn't very fun.

00:08:29.080 --> 00:08:30.040
 This is kind of hard.

00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:31.600
 It's kind of boring.

00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:34.680
 So if you need a refresher, welcome, welcome.

00:08:34.680 --> 00:08:38.080
 Very experienced students can hear of a refresher

00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:39.800
 and it can land in a new way.

00:08:39.800 --> 00:08:41.200
 And those with less experience,

00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:44.000
 great to have a bit of guidance.

00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:47.640
 Rather simply, which doesn't mean, unfortunately, it's easy.

00:08:47.640 --> 00:08:51.800
 The practice is to pay attention to the sensations

00:08:51.800 --> 00:08:55.320
 of a single breath with as much concentration

00:08:55.320 --> 00:09:00.320
 with as much focus, with as much precision as you can.

00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:05.120
 So I'd like you to choose one of the following three areas

00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:08.320
 to focus your attention on for the breath.

00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:10.680
 The first being the belly, that's a great one,

00:09:10.680 --> 00:09:14.520
 especially if the mind's pretty hopping around,

00:09:14.520 --> 00:09:16.720
 maybe anxious, really full of thoughts

00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:18.440
 with or without anxiety.

00:09:18.440 --> 00:09:21.280
 Although sometimes the belly can be good

00:09:21.280 --> 00:09:23.440
 because for some of us, it's very grounding

00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:26.080
 to focus on the breath at the belly.

00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:27.760
 It's also a big object.

00:09:27.760 --> 00:09:30.600
 It's often easier to discern sensation

00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:33.040
 and let me explain what I mean by sensation.

00:09:33.040 --> 00:09:35.560
 If right now, for the next couple of breaths,

00:09:35.560 --> 00:09:37.240
 I'd like you all to focus on your belly,

00:09:37.240 --> 00:09:38.560
 you don't necessarily have to touch it,

00:09:38.560 --> 00:09:40.560
 but you're welcome too.

00:09:40.560 --> 00:09:43.080
 See whether or not on your next inhale,

00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:47.840
 you notice any sensation, movement or heater cold,

00:09:47.840 --> 00:09:50.840
 any physical sensation on the inhale at the belly.

00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:54.960
 Depending how your body breathes,

00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:57.640
 you may or may not have noticed much or anything.

00:09:57.640 --> 00:09:58.480
 That's fine.

00:09:58.480 --> 00:10:00.240
 I noticed quite an expansion.

00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.640
 on the inhale. The belly got rounder. And then around the exhale, I noticed the belly

00:10:06.640 --> 00:10:12.960
 kind of flattens a little bit. Your body may not breathe that way. It's not better or worse.

00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:21.840
 The practice is in observing, huh? In this inhale, is there any sensation that is discernible?

00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:27.120
 Again, it's completely fine if there isn't. Some breath is very, very light. Some breaths

00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:32.640
 are so subtle that they're very difficult to discern any sensation. That's absolutely fine.

00:10:32.640 --> 00:10:38.480
 The practice is in the observing, observing sensation whether they're noticeable or not is the

00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:45.120
 practice. Please don't misunderstand that the practice is to get so rarefied that you can pick up

00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:50.880
 subtle sensations. That may occur, but if not the point, I often use the analogy of fishing.

00:10:50.880 --> 00:10:55.040
 Fishing should never be a verbiage, it should be called fish, because you just sit there,

00:10:55.040 --> 00:10:59.920
 it's a noun. Nothing happens. You're observing the water, you're observing the rod tip.

00:10:59.920 --> 00:11:06.560
 I don't know how to fly fish. I'm talking about ocean trolling, and you look at the rod,

00:11:06.560 --> 00:11:09.680
 and it bobs up and down with the waves, and you're just looking and you're waiting for that

00:11:09.680 --> 00:11:17.120
 foot that might indicate fish on. And it doesn't happen very often. But in the looking for the

00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:23.920
 sensation is the practice, is the practice. So that's belly. And the second place you may choose

00:11:23.920 --> 00:11:28.800
 is to chest the diaphragm, the heart center area. Now to put your hand there, kind of press

00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:36.720
 a little bit, wake that physiology up. Same practice, simply be breathing. I didn't mention, but

00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:42.640
 you don't need to breathe deeply or slow your breath. You don't do anything to the breath for

00:11:42.640 --> 00:11:49.280
 this mindfulness of breathing practice. One simply lets the body breathe, it knows how we'd

00:11:49.280 --> 00:11:57.360
 all have died today. And what your task is to ask the concentration to ask the mind to focus in

00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:59.920
 in this case, you choose belly or you choose chest.

00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:07.080
 from Heart Center. And everybody notice what there is to notice or not with

00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:13.400
 your next inhale at the Heart Center. You may or may not discern any

00:12:13.400 --> 00:12:17.420
 sensation. I discern a more subtle movement than the belly, but a subtle

00:12:17.420 --> 00:12:26.520
 expansion on the inhale. And I notice a subtle releasing or falling back on the

00:12:26.520 --> 00:12:31.280
 exhale. So were I choosing the chest for the purpose of that whole practice

00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:37.640
 or 20-ish minutes? I would be asking the mind to focus intensely, concentrate on.

00:12:37.640 --> 00:12:41.880
 Like if your life depended on it, which by the way your life does depend on

00:12:41.880 --> 00:12:45.600
 breath, so although it's not a very pleasant thing to imagine, imagine you're

00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:49.600
 underwater and you're drowning and you can't reach the surface yet. You'd be

00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:54.600
 acutely, acutely, acutely focused on, in this case, holding your breath, trying

00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:58.760
 not to inhale because you breathe in water. That's a bit a bit of a yucky

00:12:58.760 --> 00:13:05.320
 analogy. But that's really the intensity without the anxiety. We want to train

00:13:05.320 --> 00:13:10.840
 our mind to be that focused on the breath. These are said then done. The third

00:13:10.840 --> 00:13:15.440
 place you may choose and I would like all of you eventually to move to the

00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:20.160
 nostrils, which is the nostrils. You focus on the nostrils and that more or less

00:13:20.160 --> 00:13:24.040
 means like the rim around the nostrils. This little piece of flesh, which I

00:13:24.040 --> 00:13:27.680
 need to look up the name of, maybe someone knows a little bit between your

00:13:27.680 --> 00:13:32.720
 two nostrils, and the top of your upper lip. You've put your focus there and

00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:39.200
 let's all practice that. Let the body be breathing. Focus intensely on the

00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:44.920
 nostrils upper lip area. And you may or may not notice. I notice on the

00:13:44.920 --> 00:13:53.360
 inhale a slight flaring of the nostrils and even a slight bit of coolness as

00:13:53.360 --> 00:14:01.200
 the air goes in the nostrils. On the exhale

00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:05.000
 I notice a little bit of air movement at the tip of the nostrils.

00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:06.600
 That's the practice.

00:14:06.600 --> 00:14:14.000
 So first, decide whether you're going to focus on belly, chest or nostrils.

00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:20.260
 Nostrils can be, for some people, the mind can be a bit busier if you use the nostrils.

00:14:20.260 --> 00:14:21.720
 So that's why I said the belly.

00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:27.840
 I didn't say, but I'm now about to say, or the chest can be a more supportive place to focus,

00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:33.440
 because it's a little bit bigger, it's maybe a little easier to discern movement.

00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:39.340
 And the practice is to simply observe the tip of the fishing rod.

00:14:39.340 --> 00:14:47.340
 In this case, the tip of the nose or the heart center or the belly, if you're still not sure where to focus, take the heart center.

00:14:47.340 --> 00:14:52.840
 And ask the attention, the focus, the concentration,

00:14:52.840 --> 00:14:59.640
 to really bore in on the nostrils, the chest or the belly for one single breath.

00:14:59.640 --> 00:15:04.040
 That's the totality of the instruction.

00:15:04.040 --> 00:15:18.240
 Focus in on the sensation at your chosen spot of this inhale and this exhale.

00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:23.040
 That's the task and then repeat.

00:15:23.040 --> 00:15:32.340
 Remember, for this sit, I'd like us all to drop in the concept of patient, which means, in this context,

00:15:32.340 --> 00:15:40.540
 being patient with the practice, noticing if the mind or body is like when will she ring the bell already?

00:15:40.540 --> 00:15:46.540
 And then bring some patience to that impatience and just focus on one breath.

00:15:46.540 --> 00:15:51.440
 That's it. You can always just focus on one breath.

00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:54.640
 Might feel like there's no freaking way I can do this for two hours.

00:15:54.640 --> 00:15:59.240
 Well, no one's asking you to tonight, but I'll ask you to in the future.

00:15:59.240 --> 00:16:00.080
 I'm not even asking.

00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:04.560
 to do it for 20 minutes. I'm asking you to do it for a breath, that's it, that's your job,

00:16:04.560 --> 00:16:11.200
 you can do it, I know you can. When the mind wanders or creates stories or starts thinking or

00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:16.320
 wondering if you should get gas on the way home and trying to think which gas stations are open

00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:22.400
 or not open this time of the evening, just notice that the concentration is not on the object,

00:16:22.400 --> 00:16:29.360
 it's gone somewhere else. Might be to a physical sensation like a sore knee or something,

00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:36.160
 could be to a sound, you might hear baseball bats clicking outside or a corridor or a siren traffic.

00:16:36.160 --> 00:16:43.120
 Anything can distract the mind from its task, which is to pay attention to the breath,

00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:48.640
 one breath at a time. When you notice that's not where the attention is, that's a win,

00:16:48.640 --> 00:16:54.080
 that's a moment of waking up, it's good, you've caught, you've caught, oops, I'm off track,

00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:58.800
 terrific, that really is a good thing, because then you can begin again, or where do you begin

00:16:58.800 --> 00:17:03.680
 with this breath, you might be part way through an inhale, in between an inhale and an exhale,

00:17:03.680 --> 00:17:11.120
 but you just redirect to the object, as though your life depends on it. And we'll do that.

00:17:11.120 --> 00:17:19.280
 Now and then I'm going to drop in a mini reminder about patience. If we're patient through this

00:17:19.280 --> 00:17:27.840
 meditation sitting, it will be easy and comfortable and pleasant, whether or not the mind's

00:17:27.840 --> 00:17:34.320
 going cuckoo or your knee hurts like heck, it will be pleasant if you're patient. So there's your

00:17:34.320 --> 00:17:42.800
 little doggy bone. See how we go.

00:17:57.840 --> 00:18:08.840
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:29.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:10.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:37.000
 [no audio]

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:10.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:59.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:10.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:08.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:10.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:13.600
 Notice where the mind is when I just spoke.

00:26:13.600 --> 00:26:18.080
 Was it daydreaming or thinking or planning, that's okay.

00:26:18.080 --> 00:26:19.080
 Maybe it was not.

00:26:19.080 --> 00:26:21.720
 That's okay too.

00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:28.000
 Can you drop in a sense of patience with the mind if it's wandering?

00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:32.480
 It also exerts some discipline and redirect the focus on the breath.

00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:05.000
 Okay.

00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:35.000
 Okay.

00:27:58.000 --> 00:28:08.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:08.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:10.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:40.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:50.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:50.000
 Is there a quality of patience right now, or is there some impatience?

00:31:50.000 --> 00:32:00.000
 Observing.

00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:58.760
 (birds chirping)

00:33:26.000 --> 00:33:28.920
 (birds chirping)

00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:06.000
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:02.500
 (bells chiming)

00:36:02.500 --> 00:36:15.240
 (bells chiming)

00:36:15.240 --> 00:36:23.380
 (bells chiming)

00:36:30.160 --> 00:36:33.080
 (bells chiming)

00:36:33.080 --> 00:36:45.160
 - And just do a little mental check-in

00:36:45.160 --> 00:36:50.160
 around that meditation, it was 20 minutes long.

00:36:50.160 --> 00:36:53.600
 Was there impatience at times?

00:36:53.600 --> 00:36:55.320
 Perhaps yes, perhaps no.

00:36:58.760 --> 00:37:00.760
 I've certainly had meditation sits,

00:37:00.760 --> 00:37:02.280
 and I'm sure most of you have,

00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:05.520
 where impatience was almost constant.

00:37:05.520 --> 00:37:07.640
 Was the struggle to pay attention,

00:37:07.640 --> 00:37:11.040
 and then it felt agitated, and unpleasant.

00:37:11.040 --> 00:37:13.480
 I spent lots of years meditating that way.

00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:15.280
 There's nothing wrong with that at all.

00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:19.720
 This is a training, and we don't often ask our minds

00:37:19.720 --> 00:37:24.160
 in this day and age to focus intently on something

00:37:24.160 --> 00:37:26.720
 that is arguably not all that sexy,

00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:30.480
 not all that interesting, the breath.

00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:33.280
 It can become very interesting,

00:37:33.280 --> 00:37:34.840
 as the mind starts to settle,

00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:37.360
 and it can feel very pleasant,

00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:40.240
 and even joyful, even blissful,

00:37:40.240 --> 00:37:44.080
 to the point where you don't want to stop,

00:37:44.080 --> 00:37:46.800
 where you might be in a meditation room like this,

00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:47.760
 and the bell might ring,

00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:52.000
 and you're like, "Mama, I'm just, I'm good."

00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:56.280
 And you just stay, because nothing feels as pleasant.

00:37:56.280 --> 00:38:00.080
 There's an absolute unheardness just a delight in here.

00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:05.240
 here in this moment, there's not that leaning into wanting something, there's not that leaning

00:38:05.240 --> 00:38:07.880
 into what comes next.

00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:11.760
 And one can sit and then a teacher might ring the bell and the sound will arise and pass

00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:17.240
 away and maybe people get up to go to lunch or to go home or the teacher starts teaching.

00:38:17.240 --> 00:38:22.360
 And you can hear, or the being can hear, the sensory apparatus can pick up and hear and

00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:23.360
 discern.

00:38:23.360 --> 00:38:26.320
 And there's just an unheard sense of justice.

00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:29.480
 I was in a retreat once.

00:38:29.480 --> 00:38:32.240
 This is not a rarefied experience, lots of you have had it.

00:38:32.240 --> 00:38:36.160
 I'm not saying this was anything particularly special, but just to illustrate this, where

00:38:36.160 --> 00:38:39.400
 there was a lot of bliss and calm in the mind.

00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:40.760
 Thank goodness.

00:38:40.760 --> 00:38:43.760
 I'm like a lot of the time.

00:38:43.760 --> 00:38:52.120
 And the bell rang and it was lunchtime and just it was so simply juicy, so gently pleasant,

00:38:52.120 --> 00:38:54.040
 so nicely yummy.

00:38:54.040 --> 00:38:59.200
 And everybody else went off to lunch and I just sat with the breath because it felt really

00:38:59.200 --> 00:39:00.600
 lovely.

00:39:00.600 --> 00:39:04.200
 And there was no sense of hardness or the next thing will be better.

00:39:04.200 --> 00:39:07.200
 No impatients.

00:39:07.200 --> 00:39:09.560
 This tummy started to rumble, but I mean, I had breakfast.

00:39:09.560 --> 00:39:12.520
 It wasn't like I was going to start or if I didn't have lunch, it's like, yeah, Tommy

00:39:12.520 --> 00:39:13.520
 can rumble.

00:39:13.520 --> 00:39:14.680
 This is better.

00:39:14.680 --> 00:39:17.960
 So those of you who've been around the block a little bit can hear there can be a bit

00:39:17.960 --> 00:39:18.960
 of clinging in there.

00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:19.960
 Oh, this is better.

00:39:19.960 --> 00:39:20.960
 I want this.

00:39:20.960 --> 00:39:27.960
 Then it can shift over to wanting to hang on to the nice pleasant juicy feeling, which then

00:39:27.960 --> 00:39:30.000
 ends up moving into suffering.

00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:31.000
 Darn it.

00:39:31.000 --> 00:39:35.600
 It's a little bit damned if you do and damned if you don't.

00:39:35.600 --> 00:39:39.480
 So that theme will come up again and again in different ways, but I'm going to leave

00:39:39.480 --> 00:39:43.600
 it for now and move on as stated to talk a bit more about patience.

00:39:43.600 --> 00:39:46.760
 So I mentioned the six-paramy.

00:39:46.760 --> 00:39:52.080
 It's a poly word, poly was the language spoken at the time of the Buddha, that in translation

00:39:52.080 --> 00:39:58.360
 to English, as I mentioned, is usually translated as the six perfections.

00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:01.820
 translation would be.

00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:10.240
 sort of the six wonderful qualities. Okay? The six worthwhile qualities to develop according to

00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:15.760
 the Buddha. Now the Buddha's fundamental teachings all boiled down to the cause of suffering and the

00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:21.920
 end of suffering. So the Buddha is saying these are qualities really worth developing. You might want

00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:27.920
 to sit up and take note because he's saying these are qualities that when you develop them you'll

00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:34.960
 suffer less. That's where I get very interested, right? If you develop these qualities you'll suffer

00:40:34.960 --> 00:40:42.160
 less. I doubt anybody here, despite some of our chosen behaviors at times, really likes suffering.

00:40:42.160 --> 00:40:47.360
 Even when we reach for things that are not wholesome for us or others, we generally do it to feel

00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:53.760
 better for for a moment. If it's a substance or a really clearly dysfunctional love affair or

00:40:53.760 --> 00:41:00.160
 a job that is out of your ethics and kind of makes you feel dirty at the end of the day or eating

00:41:00.160 --> 00:41:03.680
 a whole bag of Oreos when really that's not going to do you much good in the end.

00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:11.360
 When we reach for things that temporarily make us feel better, often they're suffering on the other side.

00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:19.920
 Return to the breath. Stop. See if we can cultivate patients with what is, even when with

00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:27.120
 when what is is lousy or worse. Maybe it's heartbreaking. Maybe it's wrapped with physical pain.

00:41:27.120 --> 00:41:36.480
 Maybe it's a terrible scary medical diagnosis. These are big. Even with the bigs, if we can

00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:44.560
 come to the breath or other wonderful meditations and cultivate being okay right now within this

00:41:44.560 --> 00:41:50.000
 within this loss, within this scary diagnosis, within this terminal illness perhaps,

00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:58.240
 within this broken leg or broken heart, within this economic scariness where you might be evicted

00:41:58.240 --> 00:41:59.840
 from your house, you can't afford your rent.

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:07.120
 These are really suffering, but within that there is a place of calm, like the proverbial

00:42:07.120 --> 00:42:12.400
 and literal, I suppose, I'm not a meteorologist, but the eye in the middle of the hurricane.

00:42:12.400 --> 00:42:19.120
 When that suffering swirling and churning around us, but in the center is calm,

00:42:19.120 --> 00:42:25.120
 in the center is peace. That's the center we want to come back to, the center of the breath

00:42:25.120 --> 00:42:31.040
 and the mind, and the not wanting or wanting to get away from. If someone, this is a little new,

00:42:31.040 --> 00:42:34.720
 that's okay. I'll return to these themes over and over through various talks.

00:42:34.720 --> 00:42:43.760
 So the six perfections, the six parabes, the six qualities of worthwhileness to cultivate

00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:53.280
 are generosity, ethics or virtue, or I like integrity there is a good word for us in the English

00:42:53.280 --> 00:43:03.680
 language, integrity, values, ethics. The third is patience. The fourth is diligence or effort,

00:43:03.680 --> 00:43:09.520
 basically work hard. You know, it's like, I want to like feel better, and I'd like to not suffer,

00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:14.800
 and I'd like to like be a great meditator, excellent. Would you also like to be a great tennis player?

00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:19.280
 Let's say we all really value that we want to be good tennis players. I want to be a good tennis

00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:25.760
 player, excellent. Should it come easily? I'd go to tons and tons and tons and tons of practice and

00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:30.960
 go to sore elbows and frustrating times, and if you're John Meckenroy, I guess I'm no tennis person,

00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:34.160
 but I'm throwing your racket down and having a tantrum, lack of patience,

00:43:34.160 --> 00:43:42.480
 lack of patience. It's interesting to me how hard we are on ourselves about how hard it is to meditate.

00:43:42.480 --> 00:43:49.120
 And I get this question occasionally, I'm not really that super social of a butterfly,

00:43:49.120 --> 00:43:53.600
 but if I'm out at some sort of gathering of people that I don't know very well, and someone

00:43:53.600 --> 00:43:59.440
 tells them, oh, you're Cheryl, teach us meditation. Often someone will say, oh, I tried to meditate.

00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:01.940
 I couldn't do it.

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:05.280
 it. I couldn't do it. And I say, "Oh, wow, it's interesting. You know, that's not an uncommon

00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:08.560
 feeling. You know, tell me about it." I said, "Well, you know, the community center had this

00:44:08.560 --> 00:44:13.680
 class succession class on mindfulness, and I went to three of them, and I just couldn't do it.

00:44:13.680 --> 00:44:18.080
 Like, I couldn't make my mind pay attention to my breath. It was like not possible.

00:44:18.080 --> 00:44:22.480
 I'd like maybe get half a breath. And then I'm off thinking." I said, "Yeah, what do you do for a living?

00:44:22.480 --> 00:44:26.640
 Or what's a hobby you love?" And they'll say, "Oh, my mom, I don't know."

00:44:26.640 --> 00:44:31.360
 Engineer, chemical engineer. Oh, wow. How long did you go to school? Ah, you know, with the

00:44:31.360 --> 00:44:35.200
 bachelors and the training, and then the internship, oh, eight years. Yeah, yeah. How long you've been

00:44:35.200 --> 00:44:40.480
 perfecting your craft about 18 years now? You're pretty good. Yeah, I'm pretty good. How long did it take?

00:44:40.480 --> 00:44:47.760
 And then they go, "Oh, are you making a point? Weird blonde lady at this party?" I say, "You know,

00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:52.320
 listen to how hard you are. Can you imagine if you'd go into three chemical engineer lectures?"

00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:59.120
 And said, "I can't do it." You'd be right. Don't be so hard on yourself. We're asking the

00:44:59.120 --> 00:45:06.960
 mind to train in something. It pretty much doesn't know how to do, which is pay strict attention.

00:45:06.960 --> 00:45:10.800
 That's the fourth one, diligence and effort to something that's not that interesting.

00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:19.360
 So now that nobody feels bad, and you all know you can't do this, but you all are hearing me say,

00:45:19.360 --> 00:45:25.120
 and people waste smarter than me say, "You can with training." I'm not a chemical engineer.

00:45:25.120 --> 00:45:31.120
 Any chemical engineers in the room, it's possible. But I actually, I'm going to be maybe a

00:45:31.120 --> 00:45:37.360
 little bold, but I know I could become a chemical engineer. I'm blessed with a really good brain.

00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:42.240
 I have a science degree. I don't know, crap about chemical engineering. But if I enrolled in the

00:45:42.240 --> 00:45:47.280
 program and spent four or five years with really smart people, and I worked really hard 50, 60 hours a week,

00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:55.040
 not how I want to spend my 60s, but I could become a chemical engineer. That's confidence

00:45:55.040 --> 00:46:00.080
 that if I put in the effort, I can get the real

00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:09.680
 result. So I was talking about the six. I mentioned generosity, ethics of virtue, good behavior,

00:46:09.680 --> 00:46:15.800
 then patience, then diligence, hard work, I've kind of made a point about that, I think.

00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:21.760
 And then meditation itself, training the mind and concentration, and the sixth one is wisdom,

00:46:21.760 --> 00:46:27.840
 understanding. We'll do a whole class on that in the next little while. So patience, we

00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:33.520
 kind of know what patience means in English. It's a pretty well defined word. But how would we

00:46:33.520 --> 00:46:38.480
 actually describe someone that we know that seems patient? That's a good way to think about this.

00:46:38.480 --> 00:46:43.520
 You might have a friend, a family member, a colleague, someone in the media that seems very

00:46:43.520 --> 00:46:50.560
 patient. I can think of my grandmother who passed away 15 years ago. I think of her as a patient

00:46:50.560 --> 00:46:56.560
 person. And when I think, why did I experience her as patient? What comes up is she wasn't

00:46:56.560 --> 00:47:06.400
 ever really snippy or acting sounding impatient? There was sort of a grace if something went wrong.

00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:11.360
 It wouldn't be, oh darn it. It would be more like, oh okay. And it made her very pleasant to be

00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:17.440
 around. And that in many other reasons, great sense of humor, lovely woman, Margaret, Granny Margaret.

00:47:18.640 --> 00:47:26.800
 And when I think of my circle of friends, I would say I have a Dharma friend who I actually

00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:32.960
 performed our wedding ceremony. A couple of people in the room know her. And she, for the most part,

00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:37.680
 is generally pretty at ease and pretty patient, I would say. And again, as I think, why? Why

00:47:37.680 --> 00:47:43.520
 would I think of her as a patient? There's sort of again an ease to her language. When things go wrong,

00:47:43.520 --> 00:47:47.840
 that she doesn't like or flights get canceled or whatever, she'd be like, oh, you know, darn it,

00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:52.400
 that happens. You're not perfect. I've seen her be impatient. But overall, yeah, it's such as a

00:47:52.400 --> 00:48:00.000
 quality of kind of an ease. Less reactive. Me not so much. I

00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:05.680
 can be very patient at certain times when I'm with clients, when I'm teaching, when I'm with

00:48:05.680 --> 00:48:10.720
 people like you, and it's not a put on patients most of the time. I organically feel quite calm

00:48:10.720 --> 00:48:16.560
 and open and patient right now. In my daily life, I would not, I don't think, be described as the

00:48:16.560 --> 00:48:23.600
 most patient person has been not allowed to comment. Has been under gag order. Non-disclosure.

00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:31.120
 I can be inpatient and when I think that, well, how and why, like, how does that come up? And it's a

00:48:31.120 --> 00:48:35.040
 quality of mind, first of all, I don't like this, it shouldn't have happened, or something along those

00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:41.040
 lines. And then, because I'm dumb, dumb, sometimes I open my mouth and I voice that thing. That's wrong,

00:48:41.040 --> 00:48:47.600
 that shouldn't happen. Oh, darn it, or for goodness sakes, or, or, or. So I had a small one this morning

00:48:47.600 --> 00:48:55.360
 that I handled well. Thank you very much. Which is very, very insignificant, small thing. But we have two

00:48:55.360 --> 00:49:02.480
 cars. Each one has two sets of keys because we are two people. So there's my car key to car A and

00:49:02.480 --> 00:49:08.960
 his and then my car key to car B and his. Pretty simple. We have a key box where, guess what's supposed

00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:15.440
 to go in it? Anybody want a hazard, I guess, what belongs in the key box? Where the keys are meant to go.

00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:22.320
 So this morning, I was taking a car B. My partner took car A to work and I was going to take the dog

00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:27.680
 for a big hike. Mountain after I'd worked for a few hours. And I go to the key box and I look around.

00:49:27.680 --> 00:49:33.120
 And there's only one car key to the car I primarily use, which is fine because there's one. I can

00:49:33.120 --> 00:49:36.880
 still go. But I'm like, where's the other one? He obviously didn't put it back in the box.

00:49:36.880 --> 00:49:41.760
 Because he drove my car last night. And there was a moment of impatience.

00:49:41.760 --> 00:49:49.200
 And a moment of a little bit of a story wanted to start as, oh, how many times have I told him to put

00:49:49.200 --> 00:49:52.880
 the key in the key box as soon as he walks in the house? Because he's kind of a forgetful guy,

00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:57.200
 which he knows. And if the key is in the key box all as well. And I thought, oh, well, there's a key.

00:49:57.200 --> 00:50:00.000
 Like, if you're worse, if there was no key, because then I have a car,

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.760
 with no keys. And then I can't go up the mountain. So it was, it was a, it was a

00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:09.320
 flutter. It was a little bit of impatience, a little bit of a story. I went, whatever,

00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:13.840
 it's all good. Mental note, as soon as you get home, make sure he finds the key to

00:50:13.840 --> 00:50:18.320
 my car and puts it in the key box. So I take the dog, we go up the mountain, beautiful,

00:50:18.320 --> 00:50:25.260
 sunny day, amazing, wonderful hike. I wear a certain sort of hiking pants, and I always

00:50:25.260 --> 00:50:30.400
 zip the key in it, and I zip my earpods in it, and I zip whatever in it. So they don't get

00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:34.500
 lost on the hike and fall out and whatever. So I get home and I go to take the key out.

00:50:34.500 --> 00:50:42.520
 And guess what? There's two in my pocket. Exonerated. He hasn't heard this story. It's

00:50:42.520 --> 00:50:47.600
 a little drama I had when he was at work. And I laughed at myself. I'm like, oh, good

00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:54.760
 thing. I didn't, you know, send him a text saying, I love you. So there's a little tiny example,

00:50:54.760 --> 00:50:59.120
 right, of how impatience can lead to a story that can lead to action that can lead for

00:50:59.120 --> 00:51:03.720
 suffering, at least for your innocent partner, or a guilty partner, whether he'd had the

00:51:03.720 --> 00:51:10.320
 key or not had the key, whether he even lost the key. Well, oh well. So there's the story

00:51:10.320 --> 00:51:15.080
 where I hope I don't look too bad. Now last night's story, I maybe don't look so good.

00:51:15.080 --> 00:51:20.400
 Last night, I went with my mom, who's 83 now. We went to Shemena's Theatre to see the show

00:51:20.400 --> 00:51:24.360
 that's playing right now. She has season's tickets that she gets as a gift at Christmas

00:51:24.360 --> 00:51:27.760
 for one of my siblings. And then I often buy a companion ticket and go with her when

00:51:27.760 --> 00:51:32.880
 I'm in town. That's why they're nice. So we're there and we're sitting and I must say,

00:51:32.880 --> 00:51:40.720
 I will own it completely and entirely. I'm a theater snob. I was trained in theater who

00:51:40.720 --> 00:51:47.440
 could guess I used to act. I used to be an improvised comic person. And I really respect

00:51:47.440 --> 00:51:56.820
 the art form and I respect the audience being quiet. When the actors who are giving their

00:51:56.820 --> 00:52:00.040
 heart and soul to you in a live environment,

00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:07.320
 where your job is to be quiet other than life and applaud and enjoy this

00:52:07.320 --> 00:52:16.440
 performance about five minutes into the show. The two lovely beings sitting

00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:25.200
 next to me are chatting. It is like a red flag to a bull to me when people chat

00:52:25.200 --> 00:52:31.480
 in live theater go home and watch Netflix and yammer through it all I don't

00:52:31.480 --> 00:52:38.280
 care not here and now I had a physiological reaction of not patience and what I

00:52:38.280 --> 00:52:43.920
 did next was not really in alignment with my principles as a reasonably decent

00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:48.880
 human being who values clear and and reasonable communication. I said

00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:57.160
 which is questionable and then she kind of glared at me and I said don't talk which

00:52:57.160 --> 00:53:09.280
 is not questionable rude and then she said whatever ever talk loudly oh I know

00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:16.920
 I'm glad you're on my side and then I said not during a live not during a live

00:53:16.920 --> 00:53:22.080
 performance you should know better also cringe-worthy on my part in my

00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:26.800
 opinion and she hopped and popped and shot up didn't make a peak for the rest of

00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:31.720
 the show but for the next 15 or 20 minutes my physiology was really agitated

00:53:31.720 --> 00:53:35.920
 and I had stories in my head about oh show for goodness sakes I could have

00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:39.880
 said which you might not talking during the performance thanks so much that

00:53:39.880 --> 00:53:44.880
 would have I think been acceptable and reasonable and fair instead I was

00:53:44.880 --> 00:53:53.320
 pretty bitchy and I'm like why the heck like why did I say excuse me could

00:53:53.320 --> 00:53:57.360
 you keep you know could you please not talk during the performance I thought

00:53:57.360 --> 00:54:02.120
 kind of yeah meanwhile I'm not enjoying the performance

00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:12.000
 Because I've created this inner drama with my impatience and then my unskillful words and then the agitation I called because I don't cause because I don't like to be unskillful. I am a lot because I'm a human.

00:54:12.000 --> 00:54:29.000
 But I don't like it and I vow to do better. And when I'm unskillful, I tend to in a mostly healthy way look at it. What was the trigger? How could I handle that better? Do I want to make amends that the intermission say look I'm sorry. I snout to you. That wasn't a polite at all, but you know.

00:54:29.000 --> 00:54:44.000
 So I had 15-ish minutes of trying to pay attention to this wonderful show and being agitated and the physiology being jacked up and feeling uncomfortable and feeling, I didn't feel angry.

00:54:44.000 --> 00:55:04.000
 I felt uncomfortable. And because it's unpleasant, right? Negative emotion is unpleasant. Sometimes while we're experiencing it or expressing it, it can feel, if not pleasant, kind of like a bit of a high, kind of like a self righteous. Oh, I'm going to give them what for. But it is not good for the body in mind.

00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:28.000
 So as I was contemplating today, what I wanted to share tonight, I was looking again at that incident and thinking, you know, ultimately, it sounds and felt like the trigger was frustration and negative judgment, which was definitely there, but under it was an impatience and a lack of compassion.

00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:42.000
 Because everyone you meet is fighting a battle, you know, nothing about be kind. I don't know that this lady was fighting a battle, but let's put it another way. She was delighted to be out with her friend excited about the show and was whispering to her friend about how cool this is or

00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:53.000
 need or look at that guy's costume or whatever. She wasn't, I don't think a diabolical person trying to ruin the experience of everybody else. She was more, I might say a little clued out.

00:55:53.000 --> 00:56:16.000
 I'm more noticing this more and more in life performance. People are so used to being on their phones and yammering that it's like.

00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:02.840
 I mean, as a rock concert, yell your guts out and dance the whole time, I do.

00:56:02.840 --> 00:56:05.120
 I'm the girl in front of you standing dancing the whole time.

00:56:05.120 --> 00:56:07.560
 And if you're sitting down too frickin' bad, it's a rock concert.

00:56:07.560 --> 00:56:10.480
 And I love it when the artist said that.

00:56:10.480 --> 00:56:14.800
 Bruce Springsteen said that and Roger Daltry said that in the last two shows.

00:56:14.800 --> 00:56:16.160
 I saw I know name drop name drop.

00:56:16.160 --> 00:56:20.680
 And they're both like, it's a rock show, stand dance of someone's dancing in front of you.

00:56:20.680 --> 00:56:21.840
 It's okay. I'm like, yay.

00:56:21.840 --> 00:56:24.600
 Also, I'm not that tall, but still.

00:56:25.880 --> 00:56:32.120
 If it is active, a theater, be quiet.

00:56:32.120 --> 00:56:34.600
 But this person may or man, I've know that. She knows that.

00:56:34.600 --> 00:56:39.560
 Because she was talking about all the other theaters she goes to and all the performances she goes before the lights went down.

00:56:39.560 --> 00:56:41.320
 So she should have known better is my story.

00:56:41.320 --> 00:56:49.640
 But boy, what an unpleasant way to express it that was incorrect, and I'm not pleased with that all.

00:56:49.640 --> 00:56:55.480
 And the amount of agitation it caused me and no doubt her, right?

00:56:55.720 --> 00:56:58.440
 She was all like, we don't talk ever, right?

00:56:58.440 --> 00:56:59.640
 No, no, no, what is that?

00:56:59.640 --> 00:57:00.520
 Just talk now.

00:57:00.520 --> 00:57:06.520
 So now that you all don't think I'm anyone you should ever take teaching from.

00:57:06.520 --> 00:57:11.000
 Because I'm a flawed human being who's not a booty yet.

00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:19.880
 Impatience is very close cousins with anger and irritation and the poison of

00:57:21.400 --> 00:57:25.960
 of Dosa, hatred, anger, irritation, frustration.

00:57:25.960 --> 00:57:30.920
 And the beautiful thing is that patience isn't antidote to anger.

00:57:30.920 --> 00:57:33.960
 That's really important.

00:57:33.960 --> 00:57:35.800
 Patience has an antidote to anger.

00:57:35.800 --> 00:57:39.720
 And I mentioned this as I think this Sunday in passing,

00:57:39.720 --> 00:57:45.960
 that often the way it's taught is that loving kindness is the antidote to anger or hatred.

00:57:45.960 --> 00:57:49.480
 And it is one of the antidotes.

00:57:49.480 --> 00:57:51.960
 Wonderful.

00:57:51.960 --> 00:57:56.680
 I'm going to put forward tonight and ask you to experiment on this this week.

00:57:56.680 --> 00:57:59.960
 Next time you feel some frustration or anger or irritability, which I

00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:04.260
 felt towards the person who was chatting.

00:58:04.260 --> 00:58:07.200
 Look for the lack of patience.

00:58:07.200 --> 00:58:09.880
 Because often in Buddha Dharma, it said,

00:58:09.880 --> 00:58:11.080
 you know, practice loving kindness.

00:58:11.080 --> 00:58:13.400
 Again, that's brilliant, beautiful advice.

00:58:13.400 --> 00:58:14.920
 Because I could have felt the irritation

00:58:14.920 --> 00:58:18.200
 towards this person or the person's behavior.

00:58:18.200 --> 00:58:20.920
 And then practice loving kindness.

00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:22.360
 May I send her loving kindness?

00:58:22.360 --> 00:58:24.160
 May she be well and happy and shut the hell up?

00:58:24.160 --> 00:58:27.080
 Oh, wait, that's not the Buddhist teaching.

00:58:27.080 --> 00:58:30.320
 May she be well and happy regardless.

00:58:30.320 --> 00:58:33.360
 But what if instead I practice patience,

00:58:33.360 --> 00:58:36.200
 patience with the state that I share was feeling?

00:58:36.200 --> 00:58:39.080
 Wow, it seems to me quite fine.

00:58:39.080 --> 00:58:41.760
 Wow, there's a lot of reactivity there.

00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:42.760
 I wouldn't say this out loud,

00:58:42.760 --> 00:58:44.400
 'cause I'm in a theater and they're performing.

00:58:44.400 --> 00:58:45.680
 I would say in my head,

00:58:45.680 --> 00:58:48.480
 there's a lot of irritability there.

00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:50.040
 A lot of judgment.

00:58:50.040 --> 00:58:53.440
 Can I bring patience, first of all,

00:58:53.440 --> 00:58:57.600
 to the Cheryl that is feeling this judgment and impatience?

00:58:57.600 --> 00:59:04.000
 Can I then not open my mouth from this state?

00:59:04.000 --> 00:59:07.000
 Because as you've heard to my chagrin,

00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:08.760
 I didn't say it very skillfully.

00:59:08.760 --> 00:59:13.720
 Can I practice patience for the person chattering?

00:59:13.720 --> 00:59:15.840
 Yeah, I can.

00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:18.000
 I can.

00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:19.680
 Because I don't know their story.

00:59:20.760 --> 00:59:25.280
 And I would put forward your welcome to disagree

00:59:25.280 --> 00:59:27.960
 that it seems in the culture these days,

00:59:27.960 --> 00:59:31.480
 there's even less awareness of other people often

00:59:31.480 --> 00:59:33.080
 because people of whether it's the phone

00:59:33.080 --> 00:59:36.840
 or they're busy or they're just sort of a general awareness

00:59:36.840 --> 00:59:40.120
 of the vibe of how other people might be feeling

00:59:40.120 --> 00:59:42.680
 or what they might need is sometimes really lacking,

00:59:42.680 --> 00:59:45.480
 not in like some ugly, selfish way.

00:59:45.480 --> 00:59:47.960
 Just kind of a clued outness.

00:59:47.960 --> 00:59:50.560
 And most likely this lady was clued out

00:59:50.560 --> 00:59:53.240
 that that was likely irritating

00:59:53.240 --> 00:59:56.680
 to probably a half dozen people around her in earshots

00:59:56.680 --> 00:59:59.400
 any further away they wouldn't have heard.

00:59:59.400 --> 01:00:00.240
 Probably on a way.

01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.200
 I very much don't, she was like, "Oh, I'm going to talk and heck with all these people."

01:00:03.200 --> 01:00:05.360
 I very much don't know what was going on.

01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:07.840
 There was a lack of awareness.

01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:11.840
 Can I have patient patients for people's lack of awareness?

01:00:11.840 --> 01:00:14.520
 I sure can.

01:00:14.520 --> 01:00:16.640
 I sure can.

01:00:16.640 --> 01:00:21.560
 And at my best, I have patients for my lack of awareness as well.

01:00:21.560 --> 01:00:28.180
 So there was a lack of patience for the mine state and the emotions and the physiology that

01:00:28.180 --> 01:00:31.720
 arose really quickly in me.

01:00:31.720 --> 01:00:37.280
 There was a lack of patience in that I blurted something out in an unskillful way.

01:00:37.280 --> 01:00:45.200
 And there certainly wasn't any patience for whatever that lady's experience was.

01:00:45.200 --> 01:00:49.600
 How would it have gone had I been a little more aware?

01:00:49.600 --> 01:00:53.800
 I think I still would have felt the flash of irritation because it's a trigger for me

01:00:53.800 --> 01:00:58.440
 and have all these stories about it you've heard about the way one should behave in the theater

01:00:58.440 --> 01:01:02.980
 and having been an actor and being in front of rooms now where people are like, "Lah,

01:01:02.980 --> 01:01:03.980
 blah, blah!"

01:01:03.980 --> 01:01:07.100
 When you're doing your thing, it's pretty distracting for your craft or what you're trying

01:01:07.100 --> 01:01:08.100
 to get across.

01:01:08.100 --> 01:01:09.100
 It's a professional.

01:01:09.100 --> 01:01:10.820
 You rise above it.

01:01:10.820 --> 01:01:14.400
 But I've got all these stories, but there's stories and sure they're based in some

01:01:14.400 --> 01:01:19.880
 experience, but they lead to that's a really bad thing to do, right?

01:01:19.880 --> 01:01:27.280
 And really is it, could be as simple as someone who's kind of excited?

01:01:27.280 --> 01:01:32.340
 And because we're in a culture where people talk through movies, I don't go to movies

01:01:32.340 --> 01:01:34.700
 anymore because people just talk the whole time.

01:01:34.700 --> 01:01:37.500
 So I'll watch him at home where it can be quiet.

01:01:37.500 --> 01:01:40.100
 All my pets are sworn to silence during the movies.

01:01:40.100 --> 01:01:42.540
 Nobody's allowed to be our bark.

01:01:42.540 --> 01:01:46.340
 I'm a tyrant.

01:01:46.340 --> 01:01:50.180
 But the story's about what's the appropriate way to behave and she shouldn't.

01:01:50.180 --> 01:01:53.700
 And again, I want to stress because there was a lot of nods when I said it that after

01:01:53.700 --> 01:01:57.460
 my little unskillful outburst, I was like agitated for 15 minutes.

01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:04.000
 So, patients is an underrated stepchild.

01:02:04.000 --> 01:02:07.000
 Oh, I'm putting it this evening.

01:02:07.000 --> 01:02:12.000
 Of the six perime, because generosity gets a lot of airtime.

01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:15.000
 Ethics get a lot of airtime diligence.

01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:16.000
 And you got to do the work.

01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:18.000
 If you want to be a chemical engineer,

01:02:18.000 --> 01:02:20.000
 you're not going to fall off a turn at truck

01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:23.000
 and wake up when you've got to work and study and practice

01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:26.000
 and go to retreats and develop a meditation practice

01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:29.000
 or some variation of all those things come to classes.

01:02:29.000 --> 01:02:32.000
 It's going to take effort and meditations important,

01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:33.000
 and that's the fifth one.

01:02:33.000 --> 01:02:37.000
 And wisdom, you've got to develop wisdom to know all sorts of stuff.

01:02:37.000 --> 01:02:40.000
 The four noble truths, the eight-fold path,

01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:42.000
 the nature of reality, why you shouldn't bark

01:02:42.000 --> 01:02:43.000
 at the lady next to you in the theater

01:02:43.000 --> 01:02:46.000
 because it makes you far worse than her in that moment.

01:02:46.000 --> 01:02:52.000
 I was talking while the actors were acting.

01:02:52.000 --> 01:02:54.000
 I was talking very loudly,

01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:56.000
 but I was doing the exact same thing

01:02:56.000 --> 01:02:58.000
 that I was judging her about.

01:02:58.000 --> 01:03:02.000
 If I lost you, then you're all going to quit being my students now.

01:03:02.000 --> 01:03:03.000
 But think about it.

01:03:03.000 --> 01:03:05.000
 It took me a while for that penny to drop.

01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:08.000
 I'm talking to the lady about not talking.

01:03:08.000 --> 01:03:12.000
 I mean, I kept my voice more or less down,

01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:13.000
 but still...

01:03:13.000 --> 01:03:17.000
 My poor 83-year-old mother,

01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:18.000
 I don't know that she heard it,

01:03:18.000 --> 01:03:19.000
 luckily her hearing's not that good.

01:03:19.000 --> 01:03:22.000
 Or she would be like, "I could never go back here."

01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:25.000
 Look at her, "You're the one with that terrible daughter."

01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:28.000
 "Okay, I may be embellishing a little bit, but maybe not."

01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:30.000
 Maybe not.

01:03:30.000 --> 01:03:33.000
 So how do we cultivate patience?

01:03:33.000 --> 01:03:35.000
 Well, interestingly,

01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:37.000
 meditation can be helpful.

01:03:37.000 --> 01:03:39.000
 Other things can be helpful too.

01:03:39.000 --> 01:03:42.000
 You don't must have to practice meditation

01:03:42.000 --> 01:03:43.000
 to cultivate more patience.

01:03:43.000 --> 01:03:45.000
 You can do it in a secular way.

01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:49.000
 But what meditation can help with maybe a little more quickly

01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:51.000
 is really even through something

01:03:51.000 --> 01:03:54.000
 is deceptively simple and doesn't seem that related

01:03:54.000 --> 01:03:56.000
 maybe as watching your breath.

01:03:56.000 --> 01:03:58.000
 It can teach you to be with things

01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:00.000
 that aren't very comfortable.

01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:07.280
 without reacting. Right? So I said before I sit, you know, I want to drop in a couple reminders,

01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:14.080
 which I did, you know, is there patience right now or impatience? Sometimes in a meditation sit,

01:04:14.080 --> 01:04:18.400
 it feels like you're crawling out of your skin waiting for the bell to ring. I've certainly been

01:04:18.400 --> 01:04:23.440
 there and probably be there again. Other times you're physically really uncomfortable or

01:04:23.440 --> 01:04:30.640
 it just, the mind's going nutballs and you just can't calm it down. And it's, it's can be unpleasant,

01:04:30.640 --> 01:04:35.600
 vaguely unpleasant or like really unpleasant. Like like if you were home, you'd get up and quit

01:04:35.600 --> 01:04:40.240
 meditating. But here you're too polite and well-schooled mostly to do that. So you stay in kind of

01:04:40.240 --> 01:04:46.320
 struggle through or maybe daydream about tomorrow. Very typical. That's not a disc. I do it too.

01:04:46.320 --> 01:04:49.840
 But you start planning your, what you're going to do tomorrow or thinking about the thing because that

01:04:49.840 --> 01:04:56.240
 passes the time better than looking at your stupid breath. But by looking at our breath,

01:04:56.240 --> 01:05:03.280
 which is not as stupid or not stupid, it's just breath. And noticing when impatience arises,

01:05:03.280 --> 01:05:12.080
 we can practice not reacting, not reacting when there is impatience with what's happening.

01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:20.880
 So the more we practice this, it could create a gap between stimulus and response.

01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:25.200
 So the stimulus last night was a flash of irritability when the women was talking.

01:05:25.200 --> 01:05:30.160
 Right? That was a stimulus. And unfortunately, I had more or less knee jerky response. That's

01:05:30.160 --> 01:05:39.680
 where it all went bad. If I had had a little more patience and caught that flash of in the,

01:05:39.680 --> 01:05:44.800
 you know, count to three before you speak, kind of at, at, atage, which is a wonderful one.

01:05:44.800 --> 01:05:49.600
 Fantastic. Count to three before you, you speak or take too deep breaths before you speak.

01:05:49.600 --> 01:05:55.600
 If I, if I'd observed a gap, kind of collected myself, I would either have chosen to say nothing,

01:05:55.600 --> 01:05:59.920
 but being knee, I probably would have said something, but gently and kindly.

01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:03.840
 with no intention to create any shame or blame for the person,

01:06:03.840 --> 01:06:07.760
 oh, that's a great show, but you maybe not talk during the show.

01:06:07.760 --> 01:06:09.560
 It's a little distracting. Thank you.

01:06:09.560 --> 01:06:11.800
 And that person might have still been a little like eek,

01:06:11.800 --> 01:06:15.720
 but not very offended or hurt feelings or anything like that,

01:06:15.720 --> 01:06:18.680
 or like not talk ever or whatever.

01:06:18.680 --> 01:06:23.440
 Who could blame her? She felt attacked other than, not blaming her.

01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:25.040
 That was more or less for comic effect.

01:06:25.040 --> 01:06:26.400
 It was there I had to take it.

01:06:26.400 --> 01:06:27.640
 It's also what happened.

01:06:27.640 --> 01:06:33.120
 But, you know, I not intend into casters. The villain. The villain here is me.

01:06:33.120 --> 01:06:36.000
 I didn't handle it well.

01:06:36.000 --> 01:06:39.000
 I didn't observe the gap.

01:06:39.000 --> 01:06:44.520
 I don't know if anybody's been into London in the last decade. I haven't.

01:06:44.520 --> 01:06:47.720
 But a couple of decades ago on the London tube, the underground,

01:06:47.720 --> 01:06:50.960
 there was this automatic robot voice that would repeatedly,

01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:54.320
 when the door slid open, say, mind the gap.

01:06:54.320 --> 01:07:00.640
 Mind the gap, and it was so you didn't step on, like, the break between the edge of the train and the train platform.

01:07:00.640 --> 01:07:04.640
 Mind the gap to excellent teaching.

01:07:04.640 --> 01:07:08.520
 So British people are probably better meditators than us because, at least in London,

01:07:08.520 --> 01:07:13.120
 because they've heard over, mind the gap, mind the gap, mind the gap. Brilliant.

01:07:13.120 --> 01:07:15.400
 That's what we're talking about tonight.

01:07:15.400 --> 01:07:20.080
 The gap between stimulus and response.

01:07:20.080 --> 01:07:24.440
 Stimulus and response. And let's look at language here, language matters.

01:07:24.440 --> 01:07:26.360
 It doesn't, because there's no real meaning.

01:07:26.360 --> 01:07:30.040
 But the meaning we ascribe towards matters.

01:07:30.040 --> 01:07:33.320
 So I'm going to differentiate. You can use different words.

01:07:33.320 --> 01:07:38.120
 But the ones I'm going to use tonight are the difference between a reaction and a response.

01:07:38.120 --> 01:07:42.240
 So in this teaching tonight, response is more worthy.

01:07:42.240 --> 01:07:43.240
 Okay?

01:07:43.240 --> 01:07:46.160
 The response is you mind the gap.

01:07:46.160 --> 01:07:55.720
 So Cheryl feels a flash of frustration with an event that has a big story and stuff for her that's not necessarily accurate.

01:07:55.720 --> 01:08:00.040
 And if I had taken a gap and kind of collected myself and made a judicious,

01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:03.780
 compassionate decision to either not speak at all and see if she just simply

01:08:03.780 --> 01:08:09.320
 quieted down for the rest of the show or speak kindly and fairly. In this

01:08:09.320 --> 01:08:17.060
 language is a response. Stimulus gap, decision, gathering, response. And because

01:08:17.060 --> 01:08:21.760
 we're not jerks, we act jerky sometimes I did a bit last night, but we're not jerks.

01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:26.040
 In that gap we'll generally choose a better, more wholesome, more wise,

01:08:26.040 --> 01:08:30.700
 rough response. So for this language reaction is more what happened last night. I

01:08:30.700 --> 01:08:36.960
 felt the stimulus I reacted, right? I wasn't patient. I didn't allow myself to

01:08:36.960 --> 01:08:45.240
 observe a gap. Quickly look, quickly decide. Lead with compassion and wisdom,

01:08:45.240 --> 01:08:51.380
 if possible. How does that work in your life? Well, let's say you need to get

01:08:51.380 --> 01:08:56.020
 groceries on the way home and I don't know. You've got to get back by 10

01:08:56.020 --> 01:09:01.200
 because you are staying in a place where a hotel or whatever where they're

01:09:01.200 --> 01:09:04.920
 going to lock the gate at 10. So you're under a time crunch. You may be get to the

01:09:04.920 --> 01:09:11.640
 store at 930, let's say. And you get all your groceries. Now it's 947. And you've

01:09:11.640 --> 01:09:14.960
 got 13 minutes till you've got to be back somewhere. That's five minutes away.

01:09:14.960 --> 01:09:18.680
 And then you get and there's three people in front of you in line and they all

01:09:18.680 --> 01:09:22.400
 have two items and you've got a giant cart full of stuff. So none of them want to

01:09:22.400 --> 01:09:25.960
 let you in who could blame them. And then one of them is fumbling for their

01:09:25.960 --> 01:09:30.400
 card and it gets declined and they say, oh, I forget my pin. How are you doing

01:09:30.400 --> 01:09:35.000
 it with your patients? Depends. Some of you are probably okay. Some of you

01:09:35.000 --> 01:09:38.440
 medium not great. Others like maybe boiling point because you've got this

01:09:38.440 --> 01:09:41.640
 deadline. And if you don't get back in X amount of minutes, you've only got a

01:09:41.640 --> 01:09:45.560
 few to spare. The gate will be locked and maybe you can't get in or whatever.

01:09:45.560 --> 01:09:54.440
 There's a consequence, right? So if in patients was arising and you took a

01:09:54.440 --> 01:10:01.760
 breath and minded the gap, you could choose

01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.720
 a wise course of action.

01:10:01.720 --> 01:10:03.480
 I can think of half a dozen, so can you.

01:10:03.480 --> 01:10:04.780
 One might be to say, you know what?

01:10:04.780 --> 01:10:06.520
 I'm going to abandon my grocery stamps.

01:10:06.520 --> 01:10:07.960
 Also, sorry, I've got to leave.

01:10:07.960 --> 01:10:10.160
 Or I'm going to be locked out.

01:10:10.160 --> 01:10:13.480
 I'll come back and shop again tomorrow.

01:10:13.480 --> 01:10:15.440
 You could ask the two people in front of you.

01:10:15.440 --> 01:10:16.600
 Look, I'm really sorry to ask.

01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:19.280
 And a no is completely fine.

01:10:19.280 --> 01:10:21.600
 But is there any way I could go in front of you?

01:10:21.600 --> 01:10:25.960
 I know I've got a bunch of stuff and you don't, right?

01:10:25.960 --> 01:10:30.400
 You could maybe phone someone that is the gate key master.

01:10:30.400 --> 01:10:33.200
 Sounds like, what's that movie?

01:10:33.200 --> 01:10:36.000
 You know, Ghostbusters, the key master.

01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:37.200
 You call the key master.

01:10:37.200 --> 01:10:39.440
 And say, is there any chance you could hold the gate?

01:10:39.440 --> 01:10:41.160
 I'm delayed.

01:10:41.160 --> 01:10:41.840
 All sorts.

01:10:41.840 --> 01:10:43.200
 Those are all pretty good ideas.

01:10:43.200 --> 01:10:44.680
 You came up with better ones.

01:10:44.680 --> 01:10:47.160
 We have choice when we mine the gap.

01:10:47.160 --> 01:10:50.720
 We have choice when we practice patients with our patients.

01:10:50.720 --> 01:10:54.360
 And we can make better decisions and create

01:10:54.360 --> 01:10:55.960
 less distress for ourselves.

01:10:55.960 --> 01:11:00.080
 And perhaps more importantly, for people sitting near us.

01:11:00.080 --> 01:11:04.880
 Let me flip this a little bit.

01:11:04.880 --> 01:11:07.800
 And remind each of us-- because you've all had this experience--

01:11:07.800 --> 01:11:11.080
 how good it feels when patients is present.

01:11:11.080 --> 01:11:14.440
 Like, it's just there.

01:11:14.440 --> 01:11:15.640
 It's a lovely day.

01:11:15.640 --> 01:11:18.320
 You're driving to wherever.

01:11:18.320 --> 01:11:21.040
 And there's, for some reason, a traffic stop.

01:11:21.040 --> 01:11:24.280
 Not a bad reason, like a bad accident for this analogy.

01:11:24.280 --> 01:11:26.680
 There's some road work you didn't know about.

01:11:26.680 --> 01:11:28.840
 Because you don't really watch the news the way I don't.

01:11:28.840 --> 01:11:30.440
 So I often don't know what's happening.

01:11:30.440 --> 01:11:33.520
 And so there's road work, which was announced liberally.

01:11:33.520 --> 01:11:34.400
 And you missed the sign.

01:11:34.400 --> 01:11:36.640
 And it means there's going to be 20-minute closures with one

01:11:36.640 --> 01:11:37.000
 lane.

01:11:37.000 --> 01:11:38.200
 And you'll be held for 20 minutes.

01:11:38.200 --> 01:11:40.080
 Like, all the road work on the way

01:11:40.080 --> 01:11:41.720
 to Tafino all those years, right?

01:11:41.720 --> 01:11:43.560
 You'd be stopped on one end.

01:11:43.560 --> 01:11:46.200
 And you might have to wait for up to 30 minutes or so

01:11:46.200 --> 01:11:48.120
 because it was single lanes for the past there

01:11:48.120 --> 01:11:51.000
 while they were rebuilding it.

01:11:51.000 --> 01:11:53.840
 If you're just having a great day, you're going to Tafino.

01:11:53.840 --> 01:11:55.320
 That's pretty great.

01:11:55.320 --> 01:11:56.280
 And you've got time.

01:11:56.280 --> 01:11:57.400
 And you don't have a deadline.

01:11:57.400 --> 01:11:58.720
 And you're with people you'll like.

01:11:58.720 --> 01:12:00.920
 And you've got great tunes or--

01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:02.020
 whatever, it's not a big deal.

01:12:02.020 --> 01:12:04.140
 Even if you didn't know, you'd be stopped.

01:12:04.140 --> 01:12:06.480
 And now you've got to sit there for 20 minutes, 30 minutes.

01:12:06.480 --> 01:12:09.580
 Let's say 30 minutes, that kind of ups the end to you a bit.

01:12:09.580 --> 01:12:11.400
 And it's not your plan, because you want to get to

01:12:11.400 --> 01:12:13.780
 if you know, get surfing, get on the beach,

01:12:13.780 --> 01:12:16.640
 or let the dog out of the car to party, in our case, right?

01:12:16.640 --> 01:12:22.240
 But if you're in a good state and you're basically patient,

01:12:22.240 --> 01:12:24.080
 it's a blip, it's not even a blip.

01:12:24.080 --> 01:12:25.600
 It's more like, oh, okay, you get out,

01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:28.880
 you stretch your legs, maybe you crack open the yummy,

01:12:28.880 --> 01:12:31.640
 treats your butt for eating your picnic later,

01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:33.600
 maybe you put on your audio book,

01:12:33.600 --> 01:12:35.680
 you walk the dog around, see if it needs a peek.

01:12:35.680 --> 01:12:38.440
 And it's no big deal.

01:12:38.440 --> 01:12:40.240
 There's no suffering, there's no struggle.

01:12:40.240 --> 01:12:45.360
 What if you have a five o'clock reservation at Cluvio restaurant,

01:12:45.360 --> 01:12:47.760
 best restaurant ever, if you've ever had the chance to go

01:12:47.760 --> 01:12:50.200
 and you kill it, oh my goodness,

01:12:50.200 --> 01:12:52.000
 and you're not going to make your reservation.

01:12:52.000 --> 01:12:55.440
 And Cluvio restaurant and you clue it is a set menu,

01:12:55.440 --> 01:12:58.560
 they seat everybody at five, yep, someone's nodding.

01:12:58.560 --> 01:13:00.080
 They seat everybody at five,

01:13:00.080 --> 01:13:03.440
 and it's a four course thing, and it's extraordinary.

01:13:03.440 --> 01:13:07.240
 And if you're half an hour late, I'm not sure they could manage.

01:13:07.240 --> 01:13:10.600
 I'm not sure they could handle like serving you

01:13:10.600 --> 01:13:13.440
 because of the beautiful artistry of the dance.

01:13:13.440 --> 01:13:17.960
 I myself would maybe feel a little impatient then.

01:13:17.960 --> 01:13:21.120
 And I would want to phone the restaurant and say,

01:13:21.120 --> 01:13:22.600
 "Hey, I don't want to inconvenience you.

01:13:22.600 --> 01:13:24.560
 If you can't accommodate me, I'm late.

01:13:24.560 --> 01:13:26.720
 Please give my seat to someone else,

01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:27.960
 'cause it's a small restaurant.

01:13:27.960 --> 01:13:29.080
 I don't want to hurt their bottom line

01:13:29.080 --> 01:13:30.360
 or say, "We'll still pay you."

01:13:30.360 --> 01:13:32.520
 Or, "Is there any chance you can wait?"

01:13:32.520 --> 01:13:34.280
 But, oh no, there's no cell service.

01:13:34.280 --> 01:13:39.600
 'Cause probably isn't actually on that stretch of the path.

01:13:39.600 --> 01:13:44.240
 So then I can't even try to be compassionate

01:13:44.240 --> 01:13:46.600
 to the restaurant tour to say,

01:13:46.600 --> 01:13:48.840
 due to circumstances that are my control,

01:13:48.840 --> 01:13:50.200
 were they out of my control?

01:13:50.200 --> 01:13:52.080
 Not if I'd watch the news.

01:13:52.080 --> 01:13:54.560
 If I'd watch the news, I might have left an hour early.

01:13:54.560 --> 01:13:56.320
 Oh my goodness, it's complicated, hey,

01:13:56.320 --> 01:13:59.120
 And I'm just making this up.

01:13:59.120 --> 01:14:00.120
 But there is pain.

01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:03.000
 patients with each part of the practice.

01:14:03.000 --> 01:14:07.880
 If you're in a good mood and you don't have anywhere to go,

01:14:07.880 --> 01:14:09.640
 you might be just super chill.

01:14:09.640 --> 01:14:12.040
 Or not, you might be, "Oh, that's ridiculous."

01:14:12.040 --> 01:14:13.840
 This thing's been going on for four years.

01:14:13.840 --> 01:14:15.200
 That's wasting government money.

01:14:15.200 --> 01:14:17.280
 Let me always gotta stand it around.

01:14:17.280 --> 01:14:19.920
 Oh, I'm not making that up, right?

01:14:19.920 --> 01:14:23.040
 Does it do any good?

01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:26.600
 Does it make you feel better?

01:14:26.600 --> 01:14:28.040
 Again, sometimes a little bit,

01:14:28.040 --> 01:14:30.360
 like kind of like, "I got it out."

01:14:30.360 --> 01:14:31.600
 And then a little bit of rough.

01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:35.120
 But you know, the physiology is a little agitated,

01:14:35.120 --> 01:14:36.480
 maybe quite agitated,

01:14:36.480 --> 01:14:39.480
 but I was quite agitated last night for a few minutes.

01:14:39.480 --> 01:14:40.720
 And it feels unpleasant,

01:14:40.720 --> 01:14:44.360
 and then you bummed out the people in the car

01:14:44.360 --> 01:14:46.680
 because it's not fun to be around that energy.

01:14:46.680 --> 01:14:49.360
 They're like, "We're on the way to Davino.

01:14:49.360 --> 01:14:50.200
 I like this good."

01:14:50.200 --> 01:14:53.480
 I asked you, "A government, ah, lazy guys, muh."

01:14:53.480 --> 01:14:56.000
 And it's like, it's like, it's not enough to use the analogy

01:14:56.000 --> 01:14:58.800
 'cause I'm a huge Charlie Brown and peanut span

01:14:58.800 --> 01:15:01.600
 is like pig pen with his clouds of dirt,

01:15:01.600 --> 01:15:03.160
 poor old pig pen.

01:15:03.160 --> 01:15:04.000
 He just did him.

01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:06.040
 He was like, "I'm good," you know?

01:15:06.040 --> 01:15:07.800
 Like in the Christmas one, you know,

01:15:07.800 --> 01:15:12.240
 this dirt is like the back to the time of the pharaohs.

01:15:12.240 --> 01:15:15.360
 I'm like, "Right on, man, on your dirt and love it."

01:15:15.360 --> 01:15:16.560
 But anyway, I digress.

01:15:16.560 --> 01:15:18.600
 He's got clouds of dirt around him.

01:15:18.600 --> 01:15:20.320
 And I think of that like psychic dirt

01:15:20.320 --> 01:15:22.560
 when you're around someone who's not happy.

01:15:22.560 --> 01:15:24.120
 It's, it gets on you.

01:15:25.560 --> 01:15:28.120
 It's no fun, we all know that.

01:15:28.120 --> 01:15:31.360
 We have friends, we love, we're one of those friends.

01:15:31.360 --> 01:15:33.080
 We have family members, we love,

01:15:33.080 --> 01:15:35.360
 who maybe tends towards little grumps,

01:15:35.360 --> 01:15:38.560
 and little impatience, little rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

01:15:38.560 --> 01:15:40.760
 And it's not fun to be around.

01:15:40.760 --> 01:15:43.080
 It can bring you down.

01:15:43.080 --> 01:15:46.040
 It can make your physiology a little rattled too.

01:15:46.040 --> 01:15:48.920
 So if that happens, practice patience with yourself.

01:15:48.920 --> 01:15:51.000
 Sooth your physiology and stay to your friend.

01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:54.040
 Yeah, I know it's frustrating, but here we are.

01:15:54.040 --> 01:15:56.840
 Why don't we pull out the clipboard, right?

01:15:56.840 --> 01:15:59.800
 See if you can help draw them back to their better self.

01:16:00.000 --> 01:16:02.200
 practicing patience, again, here's my little,

01:16:02.200 --> 01:16:04.080
 not necessarily entirely accurate,

01:16:04.080 --> 01:16:06.920
 but my little hook for tonight to help us remember this,

01:16:06.920 --> 01:16:09.440
 is that patience is like the neglected stepchild

01:16:09.440 --> 01:16:10.680
 of the family of Paramy.

01:16:10.680 --> 01:16:11.520
 It's not really.

01:16:11.520 --> 01:16:17.560
 Ignore it to your peril in that it is a,

01:16:17.560 --> 01:16:20.840
 it's an incredible teaching.

01:16:20.840 --> 01:16:22.560
 It's incredibly powerful.

01:16:22.560 --> 01:16:24.960
 And it's not that hard to practice,

01:16:24.960 --> 01:16:27.960
 it may be hard to practice successfully,

01:16:27.960 --> 01:16:29.720
 but we all understand what patience is,

01:16:29.720 --> 01:16:32.440
 we're probably can identify pretty easily.

01:16:32.440 --> 01:16:34.240
 - Oh yeah, I'm impatient right now.

01:16:34.240 --> 01:16:37.760
 - Or grumpy, or what I want it to be different than it is.

01:16:37.760 --> 01:16:41.600
 Which is one of the fundamental causes of suffering.

01:16:41.600 --> 01:16:43.760
 One of the four noble truths.

01:16:43.760 --> 01:16:47.240
 We suffer when we want things to be different than they are.

01:16:47.240 --> 01:16:50.520
 I don't wanna be stuck here and maybe miss my reservation.

01:16:50.520 --> 01:16:53.440
 Maybe in convenience, the restaurant.

01:16:53.440 --> 01:16:56.680
 I don't want that.

01:16:56.680 --> 01:16:59.480
 That's okay, but here it is.

01:17:00.720 --> 01:17:02.800
 You can't wave a magic wand

01:17:02.800 --> 01:17:06.480
 and have the entire structure of the freeway rearrange itself

01:17:06.480 --> 01:17:09.000
 or so important to you.

01:17:09.000 --> 01:17:10.040
 So here it is.

01:17:10.040 --> 01:17:11.400
 Can we practice patience?

01:17:11.400 --> 01:17:13.080
 Because I bet if you look around,

01:17:13.080 --> 01:17:14.480
 there's some beautiful trees,

01:17:14.480 --> 01:17:17.400
 maybe even depending where you are, beautiful lake.

01:17:17.400 --> 01:17:20.880
 You're alive, you're not racked in pain.

01:17:20.880 --> 01:17:23.480
 You get me.

01:17:23.480 --> 01:17:27.120
 But how often do we live in alignment with that?

01:17:27.120 --> 01:17:29.040
 You're at the theater, your mom,

01:17:29.040 --> 01:17:32.800
 she's doing well, it's a great show, like this great.

01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:35.040
 Oh, why didn't you create a bunch of consternation for yourself

01:17:35.040 --> 01:17:37.960
 and maybe this other person almost for sure?

01:17:37.960 --> 01:17:41.080
 Because of impatience of not catching,

01:17:41.080 --> 01:17:44.560
 the frustration not catching, the negativity

01:17:44.560 --> 01:17:47.120
 and not practicing patience with what?

01:17:47.120 --> 01:17:48.440
 With self-first.

01:17:48.440 --> 01:17:52.120
 Oh wow, look at this little party going on inside.

01:17:52.120 --> 01:17:56.420
 Whew, probably best to say nothing from this state.

01:17:59.040 --> 01:18:09.040
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

01:18:00.000 --> 01:18:05.720
 up. Practice what you're about to incorrectly and unholesomely preach.

01:18:05.720 --> 01:18:12.000
 Yeah, but it'll make for a great term of class. That is what I thought at the

01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:24.760
 time. So patience is ultimately about being with things as they are. Whether we

01:18:24.760 --> 01:18:31.260
 like them or not, whether they're easy or not, whether they're wholesome,

01:18:31.260 --> 01:18:37.160
 meaning positive, lead away from suffering, or good for people or not. It

01:18:37.160 --> 01:18:44.640
 doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean accept things the way they are like someone

01:18:44.640 --> 01:18:48.400
 abusing their kid and hitting them in front of you like and beating them in

01:18:48.400 --> 01:18:51.880
 front of you or a dog or a cat or whatever. It doesn't mean I got to be with

01:18:51.880 --> 01:18:58.440
 things as they are. It's not with a Buddha taught. In that case, ideally, you'd

01:18:58.440 --> 01:19:03.880
 feel a rise of maybe not so great emotion within you, story and judgment. And if

01:19:03.880 --> 01:19:06.660
 you were able to calm that and you can do that in an instant, by the way, you

01:19:06.660 --> 01:19:11.080
 don't have to like say, keep being your kid. I just got to go do this thing. And then

01:19:11.080 --> 01:19:14.680
 I'll be ready to compassionately try to help you in the kid. No, right. It can

01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:22.120
 happen in an instant. Okay. Super power. And potentially make a compassionate firm move

01:19:22.120 --> 01:19:26.400
 to intervene in suffering that's happening. It may not go well because the other

01:19:26.400 --> 01:19:30.560
 person may not be in that state, but I don't anybody in this room would just

01:19:30.560 --> 01:19:35.600
 want to stand by. We might want to walk away and think we can't do anything.

01:19:35.600 --> 01:19:38.920
 That's a pretty human response and not a fear and not a maybe you can't do much.

01:19:38.920 --> 01:19:43.960
 But ideally, and I use the inflammatory and upsetting example on purpose because

01:19:43.960 --> 01:19:48.480
 Darma is a very practical teaching for life. It's not meant, oh, yeah, all that

01:19:48.480 --> 01:19:50.560
 bad stuff's happening. If I was going to go, I'm going to say it. Oh, my

01:19:50.560 --> 01:19:55.520
 cushion. That's not what it's about. We meditate on the cushion or these really

01:19:55.520 --> 01:20:00.040
 weird chairs because we want, I hope, maybe this isn't your state of intent.

01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:18.000
 So ideally, I'm gonna say, for an alignment with the teachings of Dharma, we meditate to develop these qualities like patience and ethics and generosity and wisdom and concentration and diligence so we can be more compassionate and useful in the world.

01:20:18.000 --> 01:20:21.000
 Not a carpet for people to walk on.

01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:24.000
 Oh, I'm a Buddhist, it's okay.

01:20:24.000 --> 01:20:27.000
 No, no, it's a fundamental misunderstanding.

01:20:27.000 --> 01:20:36.000
 There are groups, I can't quote them off the top of my head, but like one is actually socially engaged Buddhism, etc., etc.

01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:44.000
 You know, Buddhist for LGBTQ, Buddhist to end war, you know, it's not all, but it's to stay on a mountain and don't bug me.

01:20:44.000 --> 01:20:46.000
 It's not about that.

01:20:46.000 --> 01:20:56.000
 You might need to stay on a real or proverbial mountain for a long time to practice strengthening these qualities, but you're meant to come off the proverbial or literal mountain.

01:20:56.000 --> 01:21:00.000
 And engage in the world with compassion, that's Bodhi Chitta.

01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:06.000
 Bodhi Chitta is the heart mind of wanting to reduce suffering in yourself and others.

01:21:06.000 --> 01:21:22.000
 So, if you're witnessing violence, unhulsiveness, if you can react to it with calm clarity, even tinge with some compassion and wisdom, you can intervene potentially in a skillful way.

01:21:22.000 --> 01:21:27.000
 Mm, I have an example that just arose.

01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:32.000
 My husband and I were at a conference in Quebec this summer, and there was a fellow there teaching.

01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:37.000
 He was a, was he a Franciscan or a Benedictine monk? Do you remember?

01:21:37.000 --> 01:21:40.000
 One or the other, Franciscan.

01:21:40.000 --> 01:21:44.000
 And he was an American guy in his late 40s.

01:21:44.000 --> 01:21:46.000
 He went into the monkaree.

01:21:46.000 --> 01:21:51.000
 He's also married and has a daughter, but he really, really interesting guy.

01:21:51.000 --> 01:21:58.000
 He's a wonderful talk and he wrote a book called "I Don't Know Maybe."

01:21:58.000 --> 01:22:00.000
 Do you remember the next line?

01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:02.400
 I don't know, maybe I love you.

01:22:02.400 --> 01:22:03.620
 Thank you.

01:22:03.620 --> 01:22:04.920
 And he gave a talk about this.

01:22:04.920 --> 01:22:07.240
 And he talked about how I don't know,

01:22:07.240 --> 01:22:12.240
 maybe I love you, is a way to depolarize conversations,

01:22:12.240 --> 01:22:15.000
 connections, and the world.

01:22:15.000 --> 01:22:18.440
 So I set up, and he gave an example.

01:22:18.440 --> 01:22:23.440
 He was, I think, doing a book tour for the book

01:22:23.440 --> 01:22:25.480
 and when he'd be in different towns,

01:22:25.480 --> 01:22:27.920
 they were hosting him, often they'd put on dinner

01:22:27.920 --> 01:22:30.280
 for disenfranchised people, people in poverty,

01:22:30.280 --> 01:22:32.280
 people who didn't have access to a lot of great food.

01:22:32.280 --> 01:22:36.720
 And they'd put on a buffet outside in tables and warm clothes

01:22:36.720 --> 01:22:41.240
 and for unhoused people, et cetera, really lovely.

01:22:41.240 --> 01:22:44.320
 And they were just finishing up this lovely, compassionate

01:22:44.320 --> 01:22:47.840
 offering to many, many people in whichever town he was in.

01:22:47.840 --> 01:22:52.080
 And it was during, it was about a month before the last US

01:22:52.080 --> 01:22:55.360
 election when things were, shall we say, very polarized

01:22:55.360 --> 01:22:57.320
 between one side and the other.

01:22:57.320 --> 01:23:01.720
 And our monk, friend acquaintance,

01:23:01.720 --> 01:23:05.160
 his voting preferences lent towards the democratic side

01:23:05.160 --> 01:23:08.840
 of things and other people's didn't.

01:23:08.840 --> 01:23:13.160
 And there was a man standing at the island

01:23:13.160 --> 01:23:15.960
 between the two lanes of traffic in front of the church hall

01:23:15.960 --> 01:23:18.320
 or wherever they just on this, this, this luncheon,

01:23:18.320 --> 01:23:19.520
 this free offering.

01:23:19.520 --> 01:23:24.520
 And he had a big sign, vote, Trump, or else.

01:23:26.160 --> 01:23:27.960
 Yeah, I was trying to remember, that's what it was, right?

01:23:27.960 --> 01:23:29.440
 Vote, Trump, or else.

01:23:29.440 --> 01:23:31.280
 And he was standing there and like, you know,

01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:33.120
 and half the cars were honking and thumbs up

01:23:33.120 --> 01:23:36.160
 and the high five in them and the other half weren't.

01:23:36.160 --> 01:23:39.480
 And maybe they were also five being wanting him.

01:23:39.480 --> 01:23:42.120
 I don't know, but they weren't honking and in support.

01:23:42.120 --> 01:23:45.800
 And so what was so wonderful to hear this man, James,

01:23:45.800 --> 01:23:46.640
 speak about it.

01:23:46.640 --> 01:23:47.760
 He said, you know, he got really curious

01:23:47.760 --> 01:23:49.640
 because this whole teaching in this book

01:23:49.640 --> 01:23:52.480
 is about what would happen when we don't understand

01:23:52.480 --> 01:23:56.480
 especially when we rather violently don't agree with someone.

01:23:56.480 --> 01:24:00.280
 If we said, I don't know, instead of trying to prove,

01:24:00.000 --> 01:24:05.520
 them wrong. And we said to try to help me understand your side, which is a lot of what I teach

01:24:05.520 --> 01:24:10.240
 couples in different language. And then you heard this side and you still don't agree with it,

01:24:10.240 --> 01:24:15.600
 but you say the truth, which is I don't know, because for sure we don't know for sure for sure,

01:24:15.600 --> 01:24:26.160
 we know we believe we know. Maybe I love you. So we went up to this guy who went, and I think

01:24:26.160 --> 01:24:29.360
 probably he was in street clothes. I don't know that he was wearing his brown robe, but he might

01:24:29.360 --> 01:24:33.360
 have been who is wearing his brown robe when we met him, right? And he went up to this guy

01:24:33.360 --> 01:24:36.880
 and said, "Hi, you know my name is James, and I'm curious about your sign." And the guy is like,

01:24:36.880 --> 01:24:44.240
 "Well, what do you want to know?" And James said, "I just want to know what your sign means to you,

01:24:44.240 --> 01:24:49.760
 you could tell me kind of what's important to you." And the guy's like, "Well, do you really want to know?"

01:24:49.760 --> 01:24:55.680
 And he's like, "I really do." And he really did. That's why it worked. And the fellow said, "Well,

01:24:55.680 --> 01:24:59.360
 because I think he's the best for the country." And he hears why in the economy, and you know,

01:24:59.360 --> 01:25:04.560
 he believes in this, and I believe in that too, and so on and so on. And James listened and listened

01:25:04.560 --> 01:25:11.280
 and kind of, you know, questioned and queried and tried to understand more. And the guy got less

01:25:11.280 --> 01:25:17.600
 and less suspicious. I really appreciate you talking to me. He's like, "You really care and want to know."

01:25:17.600 --> 01:25:22.480
 And you know, who are you voting for? And I think James said something like, "Well, I've chosen

01:25:22.480 --> 01:25:27.120
 my candidate and it's not the one that you've chosen." Something like that, pretty non-defensive.

01:25:27.120 --> 01:25:32.720
 And the guy's like, "Oh, okay. Well, I don't agree with that." But, and they had this really

01:25:32.720 --> 01:25:38.400
 long, important conversation. And at the end of which, the guy said something along the lines of,

01:25:38.400 --> 01:25:42.560
 "You know, it was really kind of great talking to you. I don't agree with you." But, you know,

01:25:43.760 --> 01:25:53.440
 thanks. And we're all like, "Wow, that's skillful." Right? Benedictine Buddhist, I don't care what

01:25:53.440 --> 01:25:59.920
 Robe you're wearing. If you walk the talk of compassion and the interest in the other side,

01:26:00.000 --> 01:26:03.920
 It does not mean you agree, it doesn't mean you change your vote, and it doesn't mean

01:26:03.920 --> 01:26:06.280
 you support policies you don't agree with.

01:26:06.280 --> 01:26:11.840
 But how much would the better would the world be if we were like, I understand better

01:26:11.840 --> 01:26:16.660
 where you're coming from and you're also a decent human being who, I don't know, as your

01:26:16.660 --> 01:26:22.480
 side hustle, you rescue puppies that's moms have died and raise them and give them to

01:26:22.480 --> 01:26:23.480
 good people.

01:26:23.480 --> 01:26:24.680
 Like, how could I hate you?

01:26:24.680 --> 01:26:28.320
 Personally, I couldn't if you're a puppy rescuer, ain't you?

01:26:28.320 --> 01:26:32.480
 And when I remember you're an entire human being made of many puzzle pieces, and I don't

01:26:32.480 --> 01:26:34.000
 agree with them all.

01:26:34.000 --> 01:26:39.560
 And maybe in your story making, you do things that are unwholesome the way I did last night.

01:26:39.560 --> 01:26:42.800
 God, make me a bad person.

01:26:42.800 --> 01:26:44.800
 I know I'm not a bad person.

01:26:44.800 --> 01:26:48.560
 I know sometimes I do unskillful things and things that might harm people.

01:26:48.560 --> 01:26:50.200
 I really dislike that.

01:26:50.200 --> 01:26:54.120
 So, it's why I felt like crap for 15 minutes and looked at it and thought about it and

01:26:54.120 --> 01:27:00.120
 how could I do better next time?

01:27:00.120 --> 01:27:03.240
 So I don't know, maybe.

01:27:03.240 --> 01:27:11.600
 And not like as a, you know, I don't know, maybe, obviously, so you say it too.

01:27:11.600 --> 01:27:14.240
 So patience.

01:27:14.240 --> 01:27:19.760
 How many people, particularly James is American, I don't happen to be, but how many people

01:27:19.760 --> 01:27:24.400
 that were practically that are American, and we're choosing to vote or not vote in that

01:27:24.400 --> 01:27:29.640
 election would have been patient with hearing the side of the person, A, you don't agree

01:27:29.640 --> 01:27:35.200
 with their political view, B, you don't agree with their, were they going to vote for?

01:27:35.200 --> 01:27:40.240
 C, you don't agree with their sign that says vote, Trump, or else, or else what?

01:27:40.240 --> 01:27:41.640
 You're going to shoot me.

01:27:41.640 --> 01:27:49.520
 You're going to blow up something where we're all going to go like, it's threatening.

01:27:49.520 --> 01:27:54.840
 He didn't say vote, Trump, please, he's awesome, would have been a little less threatening.

01:27:54.840 --> 01:27:59.640
 But James wanted to know sincerely and not because he's some, I don't know.

01:28:00.000 --> 01:28:05.080
 "Holy are them now or wanted to write a book about it. His heart was curious and

01:28:05.080 --> 01:28:10.160
 moved to say, I wonder what this guy's on about, and that he is that passionate about that

01:28:10.160 --> 01:28:14.640
 is that important to him that he's standing in traffic for hours and hours and hours

01:28:14.640 --> 01:28:20.280
 on our end for his cause. I'd like to understand him better."

01:28:20.280 --> 01:28:25.400
 So practicing patients with views we don't agree with, practicing patients with people

01:28:25.400 --> 01:28:29.960
 who we don't care for their style and how they behave, practicing patients

01:28:29.960 --> 01:28:34.480
 but let me repeat that is not a doormat teaching.

01:28:34.480 --> 01:28:40.600
 Practicing patients isn't, "Oh okay then, you just do whatever you're going to do that is harmful."

01:28:40.600 --> 01:28:46.040
 It is patients with the fact that we all have stories. We all have greed, hatred and delusion.

01:28:46.040 --> 01:28:50.840
 We all make mistakes. We all have emotions where we forget to mind the gap and we act

01:28:50.840 --> 01:29:01.040
 from impatience, hatred, anger, fear, anxiety, wanting, jealousy, greed, ignorance, confusion.

01:29:01.040 --> 01:29:11.160
 And the more we practice patients and the more we examine and study our inner experience,

01:29:11.160 --> 01:29:20.600
 the more small p wholesome power we have over our responses how we choose to act in the world

01:29:20.600 --> 01:29:29.960
 and the impact we can have. This is a good thing. And it may seem like a bit of a stretch,

01:29:29.960 --> 01:29:37.760
 but it to some degree begins by watching the breath, by watching the impatience or the

01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:46.120
 dislike, watching the frustration, watching that I can't do this, watching the dough is

01:29:46.120 --> 01:29:52.200
 this even like what's the point? I don't know. All of which are perfectly reasonable thoughts,

01:29:52.200 --> 01:29:57.000
 but we just watch them and come back to the breath. Watch the uprising. She shouldn't be

01:29:57.000 --> 01:29:59.840
 talking in the theater and come back to the breath.

01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.340
 mind the gap. And then if you choose to act double check, it's coming from

01:30:06.340 --> 01:30:11.220
 compassion, not frustration or anger. It's coming from wisdom, not greed or

01:30:11.220 --> 01:30:19.160
 wanting. It's a pretty high order. It's a pretty high order. If we could evaluate

01:30:19.160 --> 01:30:26.880
 every impulse in the day, which is probably 75,000 or more and evaluate whether it's

01:30:26.880 --> 01:30:30.440
 wholesome, evaluate whether it's wholesome, evaluate whether it's wholesome. To

01:30:30.440 --> 01:30:34.840
 some degree, this is sometimes what one will do in a long meditation retreat

01:30:34.840 --> 01:30:40.360
 depending on the stated teaching and practice of that retreat. I did a four

01:30:40.360 --> 01:30:46.080
 months retreat in 2010, where for four months we did a variation on looking at

01:30:46.080 --> 01:30:50.520
 the impulse, looking at the impulse, looking at the impulse. Why are you

01:30:50.520 --> 01:30:55.120
 reaching to make a cup of tea? What was before it? I'm a mark talked about this

01:30:55.120 --> 01:31:01.600
 a bit in January. What's the moment before? What's the intention? Why? Do that

01:31:01.600 --> 01:31:06.520
 for four months attempt to do it all day long. And you'll get a little bit of

01:31:06.520 --> 01:31:10.840
 insight, a little bit of practice to maybe take it off the mountain and back to

01:31:10.840 --> 01:31:13.360
 the streets.

01:31:14.560 --> 01:31:24.640
 Oh, look at that. 829. Allegedly, we go to 830. Give or take. Give or take. So to

01:31:24.640 --> 01:31:31.240
 review, there are six perfection, six qualities, well worth developing. Why?

01:31:31.240 --> 01:31:36.840
 Just so we can go, oh, I developed the qualities. No. So that we can live with less

01:31:36.840 --> 01:31:41.320
 suffering and create less suffering. That's the goal. Live with less suffering and

01:31:41.320 --> 01:31:50.080
 create less suffering. Be unmoved if you're stopped in traffic. Be unmoved if

01:31:50.080 --> 01:31:54.640
 someone's shattering in the theater. And if it's skillful to gently and

01:31:54.640 --> 01:31:58.920
 compassionately and kindly do something about it, then double check that and

01:31:58.920 --> 01:31:59.960
 maybe do something about it.

01:32:00.000 --> 01:32:05.700
 Yes, wouldn't be a class with Barbara if she didn't ask a question.

01:32:05.700 --> 01:32:17.300
 So what I'm hearing is that the practice of meditation is basically observation, observing our mind and our thoughts.

01:32:17.300 --> 01:32:25.700
 And it's not that blissful, calm sort of feeling that you were talking about.

01:32:25.700 --> 01:32:33.400
 It's being aware of what's going on and just observing it.

01:32:33.400 --> 01:32:39.500
 And you can't do much of your sitting there other than see what's going on in your mind.

01:32:39.500 --> 01:32:42.900
 You're not trying to give a minute of what's going on.

01:32:42.900 --> 01:32:44.900
 Many people are, but ideally you're not.

01:32:44.900 --> 01:32:48.800
 If you're practicing meditation the way I'm talking about it tonight, you're quite correct.

01:32:48.800 --> 01:32:51.500
 It's about observing whatever's arising.

01:32:51.500 --> 01:32:59.500
 The thoughts, the revenge fantasies, the daydreaming, you know, all the things.

01:32:59.500 --> 01:33:02.800
 You're right and it's actually really important.

01:33:02.800 --> 01:33:09.600
 So many people through reasonable reasons want to meditate to feel better.

01:33:09.600 --> 01:33:13.000
 That's a really good motivation.

01:33:13.000 --> 01:33:19.500
 But I was talking about on the Sunday, I think, just a couple days ago about how that's a misapprehension and a misunderstanding.

01:33:19.500 --> 01:33:23.800
 It's not a bad one because it gets us into the practice because of course we'd like to feel better.

01:33:23.800 --> 01:33:34.200
 Maybe have less anxiety, maybe be able to sleep better, be able to calm our mind when it's freaking out about things that we consciously know the minds over reacting to.

01:33:34.200 --> 01:33:36.500
 All of that's really good.

01:33:36.500 --> 01:33:39.300
 But it's not the primary purpose.

01:33:39.300 --> 01:33:43.700
 We can work on that for a long time along the path, fantastic.

01:33:43.700 --> 01:33:55.700
 But the primary purpose is to watch what's happening because if our goal barber is to feel better and we get there and we're pretty good at calming the mind and feeling really good.

01:33:55.700 --> 01:34:00.100
 That yumminess I was talking about where you just want to keep meditating the bell goes and it's delicious.

01:34:00.000 --> 01:34:05.360
 That's great because it means you've got some progress in the mind settling and opening

01:34:05.360 --> 01:34:06.360
 and warming.

01:34:06.360 --> 01:34:10.440
 However, it can't last forever.

01:34:10.440 --> 01:34:14.120
 So at some point when I was sitting in the meditation hall that had emptied out and everybody

01:34:14.120 --> 01:34:18.760
 else had gone to lunch, this happens a lot, it happens at Bethlehem at my retreats, people

01:34:18.760 --> 01:34:20.840
 stay behind because the meditation is really yummy.

01:34:20.840 --> 01:34:21.840
 It's great.

01:34:21.840 --> 01:34:27.400
 At some point you've got a P or at some point they knock on the door and say we're really

01:34:27.400 --> 01:34:30.720
 sorry to bother you, it turns out we've got a phone, there's a family emergency, you've

01:34:30.720 --> 01:34:31.720
 got to leave.

01:34:31.720 --> 01:34:40.560
 What something happens and then often that lovely yummy calm, blissful mind or feels like

01:34:40.560 --> 01:34:41.560
 it disappears.

01:34:41.560 --> 01:34:45.600
 The wave start to get whipped up and the calm is too far to experience it.

01:34:45.600 --> 01:34:52.160
 So it's really good to cultivate more calm and more bliss and more gentleness but it's not

01:34:52.160 --> 01:34:57.880
 the be-all end all because it's a temporary state and when we're resting our lack of suffering

01:34:57.880 --> 01:35:03.280
 on something temporary it means it'll shift so those good feelings will go away and then

01:35:03.280 --> 01:35:05.440
 we'll suffer again.

01:35:05.440 --> 01:35:09.440
 The idea of watching everything that comes and goes is that when it's blissful we enjoy

01:35:09.440 --> 01:35:15.880
 the hell out of it and when it goes away and it's turbulent we're still good because

01:35:15.880 --> 01:35:20.400
 it's not the I need to feel good in order to not suffer.

01:35:20.400 --> 01:35:26.240
 I feel really bad and not suffer if you're looking at the truth of I have a terminal diagnosis,

01:35:26.240 --> 01:35:33.560
 I may be dead in a year, holy smokes there's a lot to do, I am super scared and also sounds

01:35:33.560 --> 01:35:39.600
 a little impossible but it's not, also calm and happy through the good, through the

01:35:39.600 --> 01:35:41.800
 bad, through the ups, through the downs.

01:35:41.800 --> 01:35:49.160
 So there are many different meditations and there isn't one exclusive goal but the kind

01:35:49.160 --> 01:35:52.720
 of is and that's the big goal of reducing suffering.

01:35:52.720 --> 01:35:58.320
 So if temporarily reducing suffering by being in a blissful calm state that can build confidence,

01:35:58.320 --> 01:36:00.320
 it can build more commitment to the past.

01:36:00.000 --> 01:36:03.640
 It can build the knowledge darn it. I can feel that way I

01:36:03.640 --> 01:36:10.240
 Can feel that way. I wonder if I can feel that way this week when I'm super upset about something that happens

01:36:10.240 --> 01:36:12.720
 Can I practice there?

01:36:12.720 --> 01:36:17.460
 Can I practice there to uncover more of the calm and the and the good?

01:36:17.460 --> 01:36:21.480
 You're welcome

01:36:21.480 --> 01:36:22.640
 Welcome

01:36:22.640 --> 01:36:24.640
 Yes

01:36:24.640 --> 01:36:26.640
 But oh

01:36:26.640 --> 01:36:30.880
 Almost got out of here without a button. It's just

01:36:30.880 --> 01:36:42.760
 Sometimes and you're with what is but is it there?

01:36:42.760 --> 01:36:47.200
 See now in your breath

01:36:47.200 --> 01:36:53.100
 When you're watching your mind and things, isn't it there about point when you feel it or that and then that

01:36:53.280 --> 01:36:58.120
 diligent part comes in and you go okay gently redirecting to the breath now

01:36:58.120 --> 01:37:00.720
 You know yes

01:37:00.720 --> 01:37:03.360
 I try to overforce it. I just go oh

01:37:03.360 --> 01:37:06.880
 That's happening. That's being experienced

01:37:06.880 --> 01:37:13.920
 Back here rather than story building rather than putting gasoline on it on the fire

01:37:13.920 --> 01:37:19.560
 Yeah, building and that's why I wasn't just teasing when I said revenge fantasies, right? You can be in meditation going

01:37:19.560 --> 01:37:23.480
 Oh, I am the best and I'm meditating and I hate that person

01:37:23.480 --> 01:37:32.040
 And it happens in retreat where you end up hating someone in the room that you don't even know their name because they've got the sniffles

01:37:32.040 --> 01:37:34.760
 And they keep going

01:37:34.760 --> 01:37:44.840
 Anybody getting a little irritated imagine you're trying to meditate for an hour and someone keeps doing that. This is my story

01:37:44.840 --> 01:37:48.600
 I told it not that long ago

01:37:49.880 --> 01:37:51.880
 Fall like oh yeah

01:37:51.880 --> 01:37:58.120
 We had a retreat on Sunday and Neil had his wonderful tech set up and due to

01:37:58.120 --> 01:38:01.000
 circumstances more or less

01:38:00.000 --> 01:38:04.200
 beyond your control in order to make the tech all talk to each other, he couldn't silence

01:38:04.200 --> 01:38:11.680
 his phone and it was binging on occasion, like a text tone. And it was a thing.

01:38:11.680 --> 01:38:18.200
 What a story. Right, especially because you couldn't fix it without stopping the feed

01:38:18.200 --> 01:38:22.920
 for all the people online, so you were tangled, right? It wasn't a fix and you're like,

01:38:22.920 --> 01:38:29.960
 oh man, this is exactly the story. So diligence, thank you for that. Carolyn is is

01:38:29.960 --> 01:38:36.400
 noticing any distraction, but especially storymaking and building up to just

01:38:36.400 --> 01:38:40.520
 back to the breath, cut through it. Oh, I'm going to be I'm going to miss my

01:38:40.520 --> 01:38:46.920
 reservation and I'm stuck here on the highway back to the breath. It sounds

01:38:46.920 --> 01:38:53.320
 easy. I don't find it easy all the time clearly, but it is in this single breath

01:38:53.320 --> 01:39:02.480
 everything is okay. Does it is? There's no story of being late, there's no worries

01:39:02.480 --> 01:39:07.280
 about the state of the world, which deserves maybe some worry. There's just this

01:39:07.280 --> 01:39:17.480
 breath and in this breath, everything is okay. All right, so we'll bring things to a

01:39:17.480 --> 01:39:20.720
 close. I'll make a couple announcements and then we'll meditate together for

01:39:20.720 --> 01:39:28.200
 like three minutes, just to close things. Announcements. So the next two

01:39:28.200 --> 01:39:33.680
 Thursdays, I have other commitments and then after that, starting on March 26th,

01:39:33.680 --> 01:39:38.600
 I'm teaching three Thursdays in a row here and online. That information's on

01:39:38.600 --> 01:39:44.180
 the website and on the newsletter, which you also kindly send out. Also, the

01:39:44.180 --> 01:39:48.560
 dates have been decided for a week-long retreat at the end of the summer at

01:39:48.560 --> 01:39:54.520
 Bethlehem Center with me. August 27th through September 3rd, it's a Thursday

01:39:54.520 --> 01:39:59.960
 to Thursday. I'll get the description written up and we'll open registration

01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.280
 in the next little while, but save the dates if you'd like to come to that. There's a small

01:40:05.280 --> 01:40:09.760
 chance Lama Mark will be able to come teach some of the first few days, and so we'll see. It may

01:40:09.760 --> 01:40:14.400
 work into a schedule, which will be wonderful. Two, two, two teachers for the price of one.

01:40:14.400 --> 01:40:23.040
 And our annual holiday retreat, December retreat, is booked as usual at Bethlehem Center. I think

01:40:23.040 --> 01:40:28.480
 it's the 14th to the 16th. I don't know off the top of my head. Whatever Friday to Sunday,

01:40:28.480 --> 01:40:36.320
 about 10 days before the 25th of December. We start at lunch time or just after lunch on the

01:40:36.320 --> 01:40:41.280
 Friday. Can't remember. Maybe we started at 10am now. Anyway, it's Friday, Saturday, and part of

01:40:41.280 --> 01:40:47.920
 Sunday. It's an extraordinary, beautiful, amazing way to spend a weekend before the busy holidayness

01:40:47.920 --> 01:40:54.320
 wraps up. It's my favorite weekend of the year, I think. I don't know how many years who've been

01:40:54.320 --> 01:41:00.800
 doing it over 20, I think. And I will also be teaching more classes. I'm here and gone a little

01:41:00.800 --> 01:41:06.720
 bit in May and July, but we'll have classes hopefully at least a couple of times a month here.

01:41:06.720 --> 01:41:14.240
 All Dartmouth teaching is given freely. There is no charge. The teacher receives no payment or

01:41:14.240 --> 01:41:22.480
 recompense. And this hall is paid for by Island Dharma out of donations accrued over the years,

01:41:22.480 --> 01:41:28.720
 nonprofit society. If you'd like to contribute to the rental of the hall, it's always welcome at

01:41:28.720 --> 01:41:34.880
 $60 to rent it for four hours, which is wonderful. Thank you to the Rotary Club for their generosity,

01:41:34.880 --> 01:41:41.200
 lovely space, very low cost. If you'd like to support the teacher, it goes towards my own retreats,

01:41:41.200 --> 01:41:48.240
 my own training. I have a very separate account, any Donna generosity offerings. I'm blessed to

01:41:48.240 --> 01:41:54.160
 receive. I keep separate and it goes into a special account, which allows me to go on retreats when

01:41:54.160 --> 01:41:59.760
 maybe financially they might not be so possible, especially when I take months off from my paid work

01:41:59.760 --> 01:42:09.760
 [BLANK_AUDIO]

01:42:00.000 --> 01:42:01.400
 go study and practice.

01:42:01.400 --> 01:42:04.640
 So always received with gratitude, not necessary,

01:42:04.640 --> 01:42:06.720
 but gratefully received.

01:42:06.720 --> 01:42:11.020
 And the best gift you can give this being and yourself

01:42:11.020 --> 01:42:14.320
 is to take what you've heard and think about it,

01:42:14.320 --> 01:42:15.360
 and practice it.

01:42:15.360 --> 01:42:19.440
 And this week or a couple of weeks to come till we meet again,

01:42:19.440 --> 01:42:22.920
 to start noticing patience and impatience.

01:42:22.920 --> 01:42:25.400
 The impatience will be easier to notice,

01:42:25.400 --> 01:42:27.520
 because it's kind of like crunchy.

01:42:27.520 --> 01:42:29.120
 You may not notice when your patience.

01:42:29.120 --> 01:42:31.760
 It's just almost an absence of impatience.

01:42:31.760 --> 01:42:34.480
 But oh yeah, I've been really quite content

01:42:34.480 --> 01:42:37.080
 on this bus ride for the last 20 minutes.

01:42:37.080 --> 01:42:39.480
 Cool, I guess that was feeling patient.

01:42:39.480 --> 01:42:42.720
 But study it, look at it.

01:42:42.720 --> 01:42:47.520
 Without mean judgment, you could observe it another people, right?

01:42:47.520 --> 01:42:50.000
 You're at a business meeting, and someone says,

01:42:50.000 --> 01:42:52.040
 ah, the bus is going to be 10 minutes late.

01:42:52.040 --> 01:42:53.760
 And two people are like, oh darn it, right,

01:42:53.760 --> 01:42:55.920
 wasting our time, and a couple other people are like, OK.

01:42:55.920 --> 01:42:59.480
 And find out where you are, patient or inpatient.

01:42:59.480 --> 01:43:01.360
 Without getting all preachy and telling everybody else,

01:43:01.360 --> 01:43:06.200
 you're being inpatient, I heard that's bad, nor work on yourself.

01:43:06.200 --> 01:43:09.800
 A lot of the people take care of themselves for a bit.

01:43:09.800 --> 01:43:12.720
 Don't give unsolicited advice.

01:43:12.720 --> 01:43:16.320
 She usually doesn't get received very well anyway.

01:43:16.320 --> 01:43:17.680
 So thank you for your time.

01:43:17.680 --> 01:43:20.640
 You're kind of attention, spending your evening with us.

01:43:20.640 --> 01:43:23.880
 And thank you, too, as ever, particularly Shelley and Neil,

01:43:23.880 --> 01:43:26.160
 who set up, who come early, who unlock the hall.

01:43:26.160 --> 01:43:28.640
 And if you're able to help put the chairs away,

01:43:28.640 --> 01:43:30.280
 that would be great.

01:43:30.280 --> 01:43:33.280
 And drive carefully, or walk carefully, or ride your bikes,

01:43:33.280 --> 01:43:37.600
 or your horses, or your, I don't know, quidditch brooms,

01:43:37.600 --> 01:43:41.480
 or whatever, carefully home, carefully home.

01:43:41.480 --> 01:43:44.440
 That was a weird reference.

01:43:44.440 --> 01:43:47.080
 I saw Daniel Radcliffe on a talk show last night,

01:43:47.080 --> 01:43:48.320
 because he's got a new Broadway show.

01:43:48.320 --> 01:43:51.640
 So I guess that's why quidditch broom arose in my mind.

01:43:51.640 --> 01:43:54.960
 Minds are fascinating deep dark festivals of weirdness.

01:43:54.960 --> 01:43:56.520
 Which is why we train them.

01:43:56.520 --> 01:44:00.160
 So, we'll see.

01:44:00.000 --> 01:44:07.600
 Put it together for just about two minutes, just let the talk settle back to the breath,

01:44:07.600 --> 01:44:16.400
 pick the belly, the chest or the nostrils, and just simply, simply, attend to one breath.

01:44:16.400 --> 01:44:37.400
 That's it.

01:44:37.400 --> 01:45:06.400
 [Silence]

01:45:07.400 --> 01:45:33.400
 [Silence]

01:45:33.400 --> 01:45:43.400
 [Silence]

01:45:43.400 --> 01:46:07.400
 [Silence]

01:46:00.000 --> 01:46:02.580
 (bells chiming)

01:46:02.580 --> 01:46:17.240
 (bells chiming)

01:46:17.240 --> 01:46:20.140
 (bells chiming)

01:46:20.140 --> 01:46:22.740
 (bells chiming)

01:46:30.000 --> 01:46:35.000
 And we close with what's called a dedication of merit.

01:46:35.000 --> 01:46:48.920
 By the merit of this strengthening activity

01:46:48.920 --> 01:46:51.680
 of hearing the Dharma, meditating together,

01:46:51.680 --> 01:46:55.080
 learning more about patience in our own minds,

01:46:55.080 --> 01:46:57.760
 made to be a cessation of the suffering,

01:46:57.760 --> 01:47:00.620
 may all beings be well, may all beings be happy,

01:47:00.620 --> 01:47:04.920
 may all beings cultivate patience with their own minds,

01:47:04.920 --> 01:47:08.920
 skillfulness in the actions they take,

01:47:08.920 --> 01:47:13.920
 and a compassionate wisdom to help deal with an injustice,

01:47:13.920 --> 01:47:16.520
 deal with things that need to change,

01:47:16.520 --> 01:47:19.760
 but to deal with it from compassion, not anger.

01:47:19.760 --> 01:47:23.080
 Let patience be the gap.

01:47:28.200 --> 01:47:29.640
 Thank you.

01:47:29.640 --> 01:47:31.200
 Thank you for sharing the evening.

01:47:31.200 --> 01:47:33.980
 I hope to see you again.

01:47:33.980 --> 01:47:38.820
 Thank you.

01:47:38.820 --> 01:47:40.080
 Who is with us tonight?

01:47:40.080 --> 01:47:42.920
 (bells chiming)

01:47:42.920 --> 01:47:50.000
 (bells chiming)

01:47:57.760 --> 01:47:58.600
 - Good job.

01:47:58.600 --> 01:47:59.440
 - Good job.

01:47:59.440 --> 01:48:00.260
 - Good day.

01:48:00.000 --> 01:48:08.360
 wonderful thank you all for being here and we'll see you next time